Welp, the NFL decided to come back for another season, so I would be remiss if I didn’t give you some quick shot predictions for betting purposes only. A top five? Why not . . .
1- Antonio Brown will be traded to the Hollywood Wives
2- Jerry Jones’ quest for a Super Bowl comes up short again. So he buys the Patriots.
3- A 350 lb lineman who’s somehow faster than Carl Lewis is suspended for PED’s. Fans and commentators are shocked!
4- The Dolphins win the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts in peaceful co-existence on the field of play after winning one game, by accident.
5- Roger Goodell announces the league will eventually have teams in London, Madrid, Paris and any other European city that doesn’t give a fuck about American football
Autumn Johnson has one cool name, but his outlook on life is even cooler. The six year old South Carolina boy was saving his birthday money for a trip to Disney World when Hurricane Dorian hit Florida. So he took his money and used it to feed evacuees instead- one hundred in all. Run for office, kid . . please?
An American woman tried to board a plane with a six day old baby in her carry on bag. Authorities at Ninoy Aquino International Airport in Manila detained the woman, who claimed she was an aunt. If only all human traffickers were this dumb.
Sarah Yerkes just published her first collection of poems (“Days Of Blue And Flame”) at the tender age of 101. Proving that time can be a prison or a gift. The choice is ours. (Shout out to the Delectable Q for this get.)
On April 12, Emmanuel Aranda threw a five year old boy over the third floor railing at Mall of America. The boy suffered head trauma and multiple broken bones but is recovering. Aranda was sentenced to first degree attempted murder and will serve nineteen years in prison. Imma pick him up when he gets released . . .
I didn’t realize Popeye’s chicken sandwich fever was a thing until I read about the imbecile in Houston who pulled a gun on an employee when he was informed they had sold out. This follows the imbecile in Tennessee who sued Popeye’s, alleging “deceptive business practices” after driving all over town looking to score a sammy but coming up empty. Here’s an idea, eat a fucking salad.
Bria Montes pens hand written letters. I dig the posterity of her austerity but I really dig the recipient in this instance: An Odessa, Texas police officer. Montes left the handwritten note along with some flowers on his police cruiser to show her appreciation for his service. The good guys won a day, thanks to Montes.
On Wednesday, Google agreed to pay a $170 million fine after YouTube was found to have been collecting information . . . from children. Which led to this brief conversation:
Me: Shit like this really pisses me off, because I love YouTube.
Mellow Harsher: You don’t have to use the site, you know.
Me: Are you out of your mind?
Police in Glasgow, Scotland foiled a game of hide and seek that was to be played out in a local IKEA after three thousand people signed up on Facebook to participate. They stopped any customers who looked as if they were there to play a game of hide and seek, which is the funniest Goddamn case of profiling I’ve ever heard of.
Crazy cat ladies best move over and make way for Chella Phillips, ’cause she’s got plenty of company. When Hurricane Dorian touched down in the Bahamas, Phillips took 97(!) dogs into her Nassau home, providing them with food and shelter. Just call her the patron saint of paws.
Coming up next week, I’ve got a special September 11th issue featuring nothing but heroes. Because when the good guys win the day, it feeds the world.
Be Sorry . . . Less 
B,
Any thoughts you had about this are out da window, k? This is, as per, fabuloso.
I love your top 5 – Every one. Can’t make a comment to top the text so Imma just leave it at that.
Autumn Johnson has the coolest name and oh. em. gee…. really? Please do run for office – what’s the minimum age requirement?
What that woman did makes me want to throw up and once I’ve wiped my mouth, I’d like to put her in a zip-up bag and throw her on the conveyor belt to the baggage drop.
You got them confused… he was talking about Heath Ledger’s Joker…
Wasn’t that a beautiful story? Proof once more that it is never too late. That lady has been amazing since she was born.
OK. Now, how about we throw Aranda over the third-floor railing – methinks he’d end up worse off for wear. What the hell possessed him?
See? Another reason such easy purchase of guns is ridonkulous. Over a fucking chicken sandwich?
Kudos to Bria. A hand-written note means so much more than a typed one. Well, of course, any note saying ‘thanks’ is a good note but by hand feels more sincere.
Gross, gross, gross. Can you imagine being her neighbour?
I’m part of that convo – “Are you out of your mind?”
Could you imagine playing this game of Hide ‘n Seek? That would be so much fun!
I was going to bring that Chella Phillips to your attention but see I didn’t have to.
Of course you will have a special 9/11. I would expect nothing less from you.
That song is something else. Where in the name of hell did you find that? Oh yeah… the YouTube 😉
Q
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Q,
Welp, after bitching and moaning about the writing slump I was in, I got a little pissed off. So there’s that. 😉
I might be right about Antonio Brown, seeing as how he was suspended from the team today. What a putz.
The minimum age requirement should be whatever age he is, really. That whole age thing should be on a case by case basis. Because here’s this kid who is wise beyond his years, while certain (most) members of Congress behave like kindergartners.
Some people aren’t people at all. And they walk among us. And it’s frightening as all get out.
The pic has nothing to do with the Seth tweet. I just found it hilarious, LOL.
Yes she has, and again . . gracias for the get on that beauty.
He went on about having mental issues. And so I guess we’re supposed to be thankful he didn’t use a gun. And I guess nobody else has any mental issues they deal with on the daily. Stuff that is every bit as daunting as what this fucker has going on, if anything. And somehow, we don’t throw kids over railings as a result. Just. Saying
That imbecile should be placed under house arrest for ten years, and forced to eat an all kale diet.
The handwritten letter thing blew me away. WITH flowers. How much more personal and human can you get?
No. No I can’t.
Yeah, I mean. I was pissed and remain pissed. But I ain’t boycotting.
It would be a blast. But your win would be short lived when they ship the futon box you hid inside of to the other side of the world.
Chella!!!!!
It has to be that way. The heroes have to matter most of all. On that anniversary, it means that much more.
No, Robin Meade of Headline News! She was playing it the other morning and I was hooked!
B
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It’s good when you bitch and moan and get pissed 😉
I heard that. Was chatting with a coupla dudes at my bar about it earlier today.
This is so very true. Can’t help but think of “Big” with Tom Hanks, bringing fresh perspective to things… Might be an idea to start bringing in these bright kids to teach the adults a thing or two.
It is beyond frightening.
It is! And I was trying to make a funny (I, apparently failed).
So very glad to supply.
Just saying, indeed. It bothers me how often “mental issues” can be used as a defence. It’s unfair for those who really DO have issues. Like true celiacs having trouble being taken seriously as so many peeps become gluten-free to lose weight.
There’s an Idea. Or just those stupid sandwiches. I betcha after a month he’d be like… Noooooo!
Just such a beautiful gesture. A handwritten note and flowers – did she time-travel?
I shudder at the thought.
I ain’t either. It’s a pissy situation, though.
Buahahaha!!!
Yes, Chella!
It does. That day has affected the world. You will do amazingly well.
It’s good!
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Are you sassing me? 😉
AB is gonna be signed by the Dolphins. So basically, he won’t be playing football this season.
At the very least, a kid as VP wouldn’t be the worst idea in the world. Not even close.
I think about that all the time. The idea that people you walk past might be sociopaths, lunatic murderers or even worse than that . . Scientologists! They’re scary as all get out.
You? Making a funny? That never happens because you don’t have any sense of humor. None. Remember that. (Your words).
That was a classic beauty of a get!
We need to take mental illness more seriously in this country, of this I have no doubt. But to change the entire narrative, whereby the people who deal with it on a daily basis (MANY people) are given a pass? Nope. We need to pay attention. We don’t need to be giving out a free pass.
I would make him eat kale. Forever.
Back to the time of Jane Austen, it would seem.
How can you not?
I have no more piss to give.
That was my Marlon Brando.
I’m already on it.
It’s really good, no?
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I would not dream of sassing you! Specially coz you can out-sass me with your eyes closed…
Hey… that’s a thought…Talk to the Dolphins and make it happen!
Kid as VP would probably do a helluva lot better than what we have now.
God I don’t. I don’t think I’d want to start imagining each person as a potential psychopath….
Nope. No sense of humour (you still don’t know how to spell it).
It was.
It is a serious issue. And there are so many who are suffering for real for the others to use it as a free pass? No way, man.
Kale seems like such a light punishment.
It would. And there is nothing wrong with it! Jane Austen knew how to write letters!
As it should be. Keep your piss.
Was ayt.
Good.
It was!!
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N? Meet Kay. Now you two get to know each other something friendly.
I am putting in a call to Stephen Ross as we speak. Wait . . I got him. He’s at the Clevelander . . . he’s drinking tequila shots out of a stripper’s belly button . . aaaannnd. The line went dead.
I would take Webster over what we have now. And for anyone who knows who Webster is? Give yourself fifty years and an extra round of friendly beverages.
Welcome to my life. I do it all the time. I think about all that shite. Actually, it’s not as dark as it seems, to think this way. Okay . . never mind
I spelled it without the U, because us ‘Muricans spell communism with a U. Followed by a Brie. And finished with the Louvre.
Accountability has to mean something. Treat people as people, but that doesn’t mean we let them off the hook when they do bad shit
Kale is pretty decent if you do it up right.
She sho as hell did.
No problemo.
Ayt will have to suffice.
Jes.
And double jes.
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So now I know why I couldn’t see your response – it’s outta sync!
Uh huh… we are already friendly.
Damn… hope you weren’t put on hold too long 😉
He would do more than what’s there now, that is for shizzle.
Eesh… Dunno, B, seems like that is way too dark a way to think…
OK… Now I can see it was time to quit when we did!
Exactly. Accountability is primordial.
It is! Mixed with other lettuces, in soups, stews, pastas…. Just not fried into supposed “chips”. That’s just mocking us.
And I’ll leave the rest to the yesses and such 😉
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What is going on with WP? Ugh!
In. Deed.
He umm . . never got back to me.
I ain’t doubting it.
Welcome to my head!
Yeah, really. LOL
No one is accountable for anything anymore. I mean, it just doesn’t work that way.
The chips thing is a whole lot of work for nada.
😉
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I think the problem might have been between the chair and the keyboard – though I could be wrong…
He didn’t? How rude.
Your head is a most interesting place.
That is just wrong. You fuck up, you pay the price – in proportion to the fuck up, of course.
Chips and Kale do not belong together in the same sentence.
🙂
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Oh yeah?! Welp, you know what I say to that? 😎 is what I say to that. Yeah . . . 😎!
He’s got a last place team to run, man has no time for some common sense and I totally get that.
You don’t know the half of it.
Like we used to, back in olden times. If I got in trouble in school, I answered to the teacher, then the principle, then my mother and finally, the old man. That was a TON of accountability coming down on my head.
I’ll take a hearty kale soup with a side of potato chips.
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Buahahahaha! I am killing myself laughing here! You just 😎 away all you like… I’ll Just 🧐 my way…
True ’nuff.
That’s why I stick around… I’ll take the bits and pieces as they reveal themselves.
That was some serious accountability. Ain’t enough of it around, I say. Old school – gotta bring it back. Enough with the passing the buck and not having to worry about paying for what y’all done.
NOW you’re talkin’!
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Fair enough. So 😎 and😘!
Ha ha! You’re a wiseass, you know that? Yeah, you do know that.
When we got in trouble as kids, we owned the punishment. Nobody skated by because they were diagnosed with something. I worked with a kid, about ten years ago, who was autistic and that was his excuse for his behavior problems. “I’m autistic”. To which I said, nope. That’s a diagnosis, not a pass. I probably would have been diagnosed with ALL sorts of stuff when I was younger, but oh wait . . I had to own my shit.
I try.
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And tot that I add 🧐 and 😘!
Course I know it. And you love me for it so why would I ever change?
Damn straight. You did stuff you KNEW you would pay for but it was worth it anyway. And good for you on not letting that “excuse” fly. Yep. Nowadays… Oh, he has ADHD, he can’t help it. Nuh unh!
You succeed.
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Well played Q.
Of course you shouldn’t change. Evah.
The ability to diagnose an individual should never be used as an excuse for bad behavior. This undermines everyone and everything.
Awwwww.
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I try, B. Keeping up with you requires serious smarts.
I won’t, don’t you fear.
Never. Yet today… damn if it doesn’t happen all the time.
🙂
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I don’t know about that. 😉
Not fearing. Not one bit.
ALL the time. Everything is accompanied by a get out of jail free card. Until the crime becomes so egregious, and then we turn them into monsters. Never mind all the warning signs nobody paid attention to, and all the times they were let off the hook.
🙂
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Oh hells to the yes.
Good.
Egregious – excellent word. And yes, All. The. Time.
😘
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Hells to the yes huh? Who’m I to argue?
Great.
It is isn’t it? That’s what happens much too often any longer.
😘
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Don’t bother. You know it is so.
Excellent.
It absolutely it. And it does. Waaay too much.
😘
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Ain’t gonna bother.
😘
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🙂 😘
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🙂 😘🙂 😘
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🙂 😘🙂 😘
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Love the story about the kid using the Disney World money! Good predictions heading into the NFL’s opening week. Did the Dolphins one win come against the Bengals? Oh, I don’t like Goddell – but he’s not to Selig Level …. well … not yet! Did you know Popeye’s is the Pope’s favorite fast food?
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The Dolphins one win comes against the Patriots when they decide to rest all of their starters for the playoffs, LOL.
The whole field flag thing was shameful, which is why I find it amusing how patriotism became a hot button issue later on.
I did not know that! I bet you he got a chicken sammy.
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About Popeye’s …. Look closely …. Then a rimshot of you get it.
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Oh. My. God!
You got me! I’m gotten!
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Nothing like Pope Yes
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You’re too clever.
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The Official Chicken of the Vatican
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Buahahaha!
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PS: I didn’t come up with it … heard it from a comic.
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It’s gold!
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Ask someone in person (preferably a trivia buff) if the know the Official Chicken of the Vatican.
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LOL. I will.
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… and let me know the reaction.
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On it! 🙂
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I see the cry baby Brown picked up a suspension. Too bad it’s not for the season. Loved this heroes post. Loved your top five and the Dolphin Nobel Prize the best. A yay for the Kid and his Disneyworld money and the Nassau lady. Big boos to the animals smuggling and throwing kids off high places. Looking forward to your 11/11 post
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Brown simply cannot help himself. Like I said, I have more respect for Tomlin every day. As for Gruden, I slammed him for nabbing Brown and he definitely deserves to be slammed for it. But now I feel kind of bad for Gruden. I mean, he really thought he could work with Brown AND he got him for a third round pick. While I still think the move wasn’t very smart, it IS up to Brown to behave like an adult. That’s not Gruden’s job.
The Dolphins will be awful, hopefully for two years so that we can get the Lawrence kid out of Clemson.
Those two are what the Heroes posts are all about. I love what that kid and that dog lady did in the face of a natural disaster.
And those zeroes make us appreciate the heroes that much more.
Thank you Boss! 🙂
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Thank you, Marc
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Your latest posts shows (quite well, I might add) the crazy is waaaay crazy and the craven have swung to beyond a point to measure. And then there are folks like Autumn and Chella Phillips who keep the rest of us from losing our collective you-know-what. Happy weekend!
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The crazy is James Brown carazy. And umm . . . can AB go away now? LOL.
Autumn and Chella are the heroes we need in a time when such a thing seems in short supply.
Happy weekend Monika!!
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Yeah, everything is so topsy turvy nuts these days. I’m with you on AB with an added who even cares. Just go away dude and leave us alone. There are more interesting jerks to take your place. Right back atcha on the weekend.
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The world is upside down I tell you.
Yeah, initially I thought AB to the Raiders would be interesting. Now it’s just overkill. Grow up dude! I can blame Gruden for trading for him, but I can’t blame him for the childish behavior Brown has exhibited.
🙂
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I am so over these media whores who have manage to take douchery to unbelievable heights. The league is making me lose my interest in football in general. They’ve commercialized me to death not to mention their apparent acceptance of criminal, violent and otherwise boorish behavior all in the name of $$.
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So true. It’s funny, but the league goes nuts when a player takes a knee. But if you beat your girlfriend, resist arrest, are caught with drugs in your car . . . you MIGHT serve a couple games and they move right on.
Kaepernick ain’t in the league, Tyreek Hill is.
Wow.
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The league hypocrisy is egregiously offensive. $54M?? WTH, KC? Then again, why am I not surprised at that extension. It is the Chiefs after all where all too often the official player photo is a mug shot. 😠
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So true, the Chiefs organization has a knack for signing bad guys. I mean, how do they answer the Tyreek Hill allegations this past winter? By signing Frank Clark. Of course!
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Not just because I live in the Mile High where Elway’s boys are considered on par with the second coming in the local media, I have always loathed the Chiefs. This year won’t be any different. Their mere name triggers Raider-hater like symptoms with ensuing bitching. 😈
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I understand. The Chiefs just do this kind of thing, like, all the time.
You’ve got the Raiders AND the chiefs in your division. Double enmity there!
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Yup, scum city the whole season. It’s one thing to lose to guys like Aaron Rogers, it’s another when the winning team is a bunch of thugs and criminals.
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Breaking News. In a shocking (sic) turn of events, Antonio Brown has been released. And now I cannot wait to see who picks him up. Because some team is gonna pick him up.
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😵
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What a joke this whole thing is.
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Such a douchebag. Whichever team picks him up better hope they have good {mental} healthcare coverage. That and a lot of stock in pharmaceuticals. They’re gonna need ‘em.
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The Chiefs!
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Surprised…not!
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In his two years at the helm, Gruden has . . .
Traded his franchise DE
Traded his best WR
Compiled picks for a “complete rebuild” after which . . .
Signs Vontaze Burfict- a dirty player at the end of his career.
Signed Brown, a great WR who wore out his welcome with a players coach in Pittsburgh.
Lost the locker room when Brown went after the GM and was suspended, only to be reinstated by Gruden!
Wow . . .
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Yeah he’s a real prince. 💀
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Mark Davis wanted Gruden so badly, that he gave him 100 million dollars he didn’t have! LOL. That might be the worst investment since Global Crossing!
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Almost makes you feel badly for them. Yeah you’re right. You could care less. They deserve what they reap.
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I see Belichick plotting already. If he could sign Brown- even if he doesn’t play him- just to keep him off a team like the Chiefs. You know he will.
I was talking with a friend of mine about Brown and he contended that Tomlin and then Gruden enabled Brown. To which I say, okay sure but . . . Brown is a grown ass man. Nobody expected this circus to go THIS badly this quickly. But Brown kept adding ridiculous to the ridiculous. From his helmet to his lawsuit to his feet to now. There have been diva WR’s before, but this takes the cake.
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Petulance in sports is sooooo unattractive. And don’t get me started on Belichick.
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At this point, doesn’t Goodell have to step up and suspend Brown for the season? I mean, this dude has completely taken the headlines away from the games- that are supposed to matter most.
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Like that would ever happen. We are after all, talking Goodell. #bastard
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He’s such a sham.
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And one of the biggest douches in the game.
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Whenever you hear Goodell talk about the fans and how important they are . . you KNOW those fans are about to get screwed.
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Completely.
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It was the same with Selig . . whose “gifts” to the fans included flexing day games into night games and screwing families out of a day at the park . . making an exhibition game count for home field . . . and playing look away when steroids destroyed baseball’s most hallowed records.
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Another money grubbing, self serving cretin.
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Big time sports has ’em in droves.
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You have so many comments you certainly don’t need a pithy one from me but…I will say, the woman who took in all the animals impressed me too. I read about it as it was ensuing. How could you not step up? You’re right. St. Francis, Patron Saint for the 4-legged. move over.
September 11th means the world to me so, I’ll be tuning in.
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Oh SB, you know I love your comments and your cheeky ways. And pithy? You’ve gone and done it A.Gain. Hit up the word file at the Archives! Here comes another one!
Chella was stellar. For shizzle.
I know it does. I’ll do you proud.
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You so make me laugh. Never fails. 😎
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Fit me in a pinstriped suit and a Fedora and Imma entertain. 😉
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Hi there –
thanks for the news updates
started with a really big laugh:
any other European city that doesn’t give a fuck about American football
and the video was really funny – I heard the song this summer one day on the radio – and had no idea the accompanying video was of a wedding –
__
and cool about the note for the police officer – we have left a couple of notes over the years – and one time we offered to buy two police officers lunch when they were hanging out in this eatery –
anyhow, it depends on our mood – but when the boys were little I wanted to nurture that with them –
funny how they are older now and we love our county police so much (Henrico) but one county over – Hanover – well they have been noted as doing sketchy things and well – I digress
—
and is that 170 million $ fine like a 20.00 fine for us?
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Prior,
It’s true, the NFL is always testing out places that have little to no interest in American football. London? Gimme a break. The only thing more ridiculous than holding a football game there would be holding a baseball game there . . oh wait, the MLB did that this past summer. Never mind. 😉
That song was stuck in my head for days the first time I heard it.
It’s nice that you taught your kids that from an early age. I don’t know how it is that respect for authority became a bad thing over time. I guess with all the stories of corruption that always lead the news. It leaves little room for handwritten notes on police cruisers.
Yep. YouTube found that fine money under its sofa cushions . . .
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well quite frankly – some people in authority are assholes and they think that being rude and scaring the young ones will motivate behavior
and quite frankly – some of the people in authority are dicks to people and hurt children rather than help them
further – sometimes out penal system is so cold on the punishment that they hurt and the punishment is not even connected to the behavior it was targeting – and so wend up with hurt (more hurt) and then pissed off.
—
yeah – I guess I have a lot to say on the subject and hope to formally write about some of this later (only so much time in a season tho)
I know it is layered issue – but reform is needed with so many of these areas…
—
hahah – the sofa cushions was funny – and fitting
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I agree with you on that. And I also believe, on the topic of law enforcement, that cops should have better and more effective access to therapy. You think about the people who serve in the military, see all sorts of hell and then come back here and put on a uniform and they never escape all that stuff. Lots of departments frown on any kind of therapy, and it boggles my mind.
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that is such a good point – dear sorryless the sage
—
and did I tell you I am watching Mr Selfridge – the Masterpiece Theatre series?
well slowly getting thru it and in season 3, we have LeClair coming back from WWI and not adjusting so well. Flashbacks and now the drinking started – not sure where they will be taking it – but it was well done and as his wife showed up to seeing him drunk to “Oblivion” the writers did a fine job of depicting a real experience and hopefully we are getting better and better with this – I say this because my father had PTS from the Korean War but they had such little for this 60 and 70 years ago – and so perhaps we are not where we need to be for Vets – but we have come a long way….
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Sage huh? 😉
Yes we have definitely come a long way for our Vets. We can always be better, and I guess that’s the goal, always.
Sounds like an interesting show.
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Just watched another episode of the show and more of the recovering vets – a little dragged on – ha – can’t believe I said that–/
Anyhow –
I don’t use sage for everyone – nope!
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I am honored. 🙂
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