So another football season is in the rear view and now we’re left to contemplate whether the Cleveland Browns should maybe try another line of work. And if you’re gonna ask me for a top five takeaways from NFL ’19, you know Imma provide . . .
1- Antonio Brown played exactly one game while grabbing more headlines than a newspaper delivery person.
2- The league uses more cameras than the British press and yet they still can’t get calls right.
3- Contrary to the popular belief that the game was going the way of flag football, defense still matters.
4- The New Orleans Saints must have done some really bad shit in their previous lives.
5- The Miami Dolphins were the most fascinating 5-11 team in NFL history. (I had to).
The New England Invitational has been put on ice as Tom Brady and Giselle shop for homes in more temperate climates and Bill Belichick contemplates yoga. We won’t be bogged down with Fill in the blank-Gates, avocado ice cream recipes or Live PD feeds of owner Robert Kraft walking out of massage parlors. This year, we get actual football!
And we get an historic match-up with the Chiefs making it back to the big game for the first time since Nixon was shopping for tape recorders; while the 49ers are looking to score their sixth Lombardi trophy and their first since Clinton was shopping for cigars. So of course, I had to pull one of my all time favorite NFL photographs: Chiefs legend Len Dawson tugging on a smoke in the locker room. That, is some old school shit right there.
Speaking of old school, San Francisco is bringing some of that flavor with a defense that Cersei Lannister could’ve used. Kansas City will bring its master gunslinger and a posse that could have been peeled right off the pages of the old AFL, with an ability to score from the locker room.
What’s that you say? Give us some top five trivia, Marco? N’kay . . .
-The most expensive price for a ticket to the first Super Bowl was $12. Which is about what you’ll pay for a beer at this year’s game in Miami.
-The game was originally called the AFL-NFL Championship Game. Chiefs owner Lamar Hunt coined the term Super Bowl after the Super Ball his daughter played with.
-Commissioner Pete Rozelle sketched the design for the Lombardi trophy on the back of a cocktail napkin.
-17 million Americans will call in sick next Monday.
-The Patriots have appeared the most times. The Lions/Texans/Browns/Jaguars have never appeared. And the Miami Dolphins are the only team in NFL history to complete a perfect season with a Super Bowl win. (Yep . . had to).
Of course, the game will be the thing for the small fraction of the population that doesn’t tune in simply to get drunk, bet the spread or watch commercials. So Imma dish up my prediction on how the LIV Bowl will play out. This is for entertainment purposes only, because if you place a wager based on what I write? Seek help . . imeejiately.
The league agrees to cancel the first half so they can fit in all of their musical commitments. With the extra time, the teams decide to take in a Miami Heat game. At halftime, Patrick Mahomes takes part in a contest in which he can win $1,000 dollars for each shot he makes from half-court. Twenty minutes later, the Heat hold a press conference in which they introduce the Chiefs quarterback as their new owner.
When the game finally begins, Mahomes is unable to lift his arm thanks to all that balling. As a result, the 49ers sack him twelve times on one play even though the league maximum is one sack per play. A replay review proves inconclusive so the league dials up Bill Belichick who delivers video evidence that proves San Fran should be credited with twelve sacks. After three quarters of play, the Niners lead the Chiefs 4-0 thanks to two safeties and a Travis Kelce touchdown that is overturned on account of the fact that coach Andy Reid threw the pass. It’s the most bizarre turn of events since this happened.
During the two hour concert that takes place between the third and fourth quarters, Jimmy Garoppolo is suspended after making a porn in the visitor’s suite. Joe Montana suits up and throws three touchdown passes, because he is still Joe Fucking Montana. With two minutes to go and the 49ers up 32-0, Patrick Mahomes gets the feeling back in his right arm and leads the Chiefs on a furious run. He tosses four touchdown passes in forty two seconds to close the gap to 32-28.
When San Francisco’s Robbie Gould misses a fifteen yard field goal that would have put his team up by seven with nineteen seconds to go, the team trades him back to Chicago. After a delay of game penalty pushes the Chiefs all the way back to their own one yard line with three seconds left, Twitter blows up with #fortyninereasons, CNN’s Wolf Blitzer calls it for the 49ers and NPR reports on rumors of an important game being played in South Florida.
Mahomes steps back to pass as a wave of burgundy and gold converge on him, sending him back through the tunnel and all the way to the parking lot. While simultaneously signing autographs for fans, paying the $150 parking lot fee and evading the 49ers monstrous pass rush, Mahomes flings a pass back into the stadium. The ball travels three hundred and sixteen yards and lands in the arms of Chiefs wide receiver Sammy Watkins in the end zone for the winning touchdown as time expires. The Chiefs donate the extra point to the New York Stock Exchange.
The Vatican heralds the Chiefs three hundred and sixteen yard TD winner as proof of God’s existence. Trump tweets a pic of himself clapping with hands that appear to have been photo-shopped. Ricky Gervais blames the foreign press.
After the game Las Vegas installs the Chiefs as the prohibitive favorites to win the 2021 Super Bowl, as well as the next five Super Bowls after that. Joe Montana announces that he is coming out of retirement to become the Miami Dolphins new starting quarterback (Of course I had to!)
Number 2 is probably my fave….
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It’s true. They have cameras everywhere, and the calls are worse than ever. I imagine this is pretty telling us something on a much grander scale, LOL
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😉
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Less cameras, more attention . . that’s what the game (and society?) needs.
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Yup…
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😉
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Outstanding, Marc. Surprised the game wasn’t also delayed while you served up whatever epicurean delight you are planning to eat game day. I called Vagas and got the 49ers and two points. The guy on the other end started laughing his ass off when I read him the Marco scouting report and odds sheet. He also said life is a big batch of miracles and good luck. I laughed through this whole piece.
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Thought you were going to say the NFL has more cameras than the Astros. Fins definitely greatest 5-11 team in NFL history … and that 17-0 season … Yep … I called that one (Had to get that in). … and Len Dawson appears to be drinking Fresca.
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The hell with the Astros.
Miami had a very solid 5-11 campaign, and that’s not to mention it really was two seasons in one. The first half was historically awful at 1-7 and the second half was interesting as all get out with a 4-4 finish. There is hope. And I hope they don’t screw up that hope in the draft. . .
Still the only undefeated team in NFL history.
I love that Dawson was having a smoke in the locker room. Reminded me of when Earl Weaver would sneak smokes while in the dugout.
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Earl Weaver … now he was a classic!
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In the old Memorial Stadium in Baltimore . . . doubly classic.
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Just love the old stadiums.
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I do love Camden Yards, but the old Memorial Stadium . . THAT was a home field advantage.
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Camden is a modern classic. Fortunate to see a game there many moons ago.
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If you’ve not seen PNC Park in Pittsburgh, that is a beauty.
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That what they say.
Reports have the Reds as frontrunner for Castellanos. I don’t think they know tradition is just 3 in the OF.
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My favorite of the new stadiums.
Hey, maybe the Reds are going to put on an OF shift. As for Jeter making the Hall, how ridiculous is it that the story was about the one vote he didn’t get?
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Writers got to find something to write about … and the person who didn’t vote for him should lose their voting rights.
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Believe it or not, I don’t agree with you. Mariano was unanimous and that’s great. But I think we are losing the point here. It’s not by how many, it’s that they made it.
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I see your point. … BTW … the ladies are over at my place discussing goat panties. … But I don’t like the pompous nature of the voters.
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The market is volatile Frank. I’m glad I was able to get in on the ground floor with Horse Head Feeders.
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It’s been a fun weekend before the posts get more serious. But I can say, the closing series isn’t a downer.
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Way to provide a tease for the closing series, Frank. Not that I needed to be teased into reading you.
And I’m glad it won’t be a downer, very much so.
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Basically tells my story.
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Sounds like a great way to end things.
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Sure I shed a few tears in writing them, but heck … I wrote the draft in August/September … then tweaked over time .. still tweaking. But drafting it many months ago turned out to be a great move.
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Yeah it was smart. I imagine with your fingers working it from months ago to now, there will be many layers to this finale.
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I’m not sure of that. After all, my writing style is straight forward without many twists and turns.
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This finale is gonna be a little bit different, Frank.
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No question … but I feel good about it. John and I were discussing it not long ago – and he kept imagining starting then wadding up the paper – over and over … then I mentioned when I drafted it.
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That’s why it was smart of you to begin drafting months ago.
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Yep … and that’s when I knew it was the right thing to do.
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I might have a little surprise for you on that last post.
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That’s fine … I can deal with surprises. … and I’m looking forward to see if anyone sees the post, then goes straight to the song (without reading) then comments just about the song.
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I’ll do that first. And then I’ll read the post and comment on that as well . . . 😉
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Well, you saw my posting date and time on the schedule.
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I did. And I will be there, without bells on, since I ain’t musically inclined like yourself.
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Hey! Sarcasm is kinda fun!
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Oh no … I’m fairly confident that will happen. Several visitors are known for that. Kind of funny because I don’t say anything. Just go with it. Also looking forward to the new followers on and after that post.
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Mayhaps they are simply music lovers. 😉
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Then they will wonder later why I’m not posting. What a hoot!
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Hey? Where’s Frank? Is he on a blog break? Where’s my MUSIC??!!!
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LOL
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The following was a re-enactment. Any similarities to an actual blogger are strictly coincidental.
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Bahaha … That would work!
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It might!
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PS: But … I think reading and answering the comments will be much harder than writing the post. Much harder!!!
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I do believe you are right.
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I’m sure it will be basket-case central at this end.
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No wine. You won’t need it.
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So much good stuff in here, why not just make my comment about Antonio Brown.
I read a piece earlier today about his latest troubles — a potential life sentence for his argument with a mover who wouldn’t unload AB’s stuff without payment upfront. The article referred to AB as one the NFL’s best players. To which I thought … hmmm, no, he actually isn’t an NFL player of any kind at the moment. He’s not on anybody’s roster, not under contract with any team, and there’s no indication that’s going to change any time soon.
And I remain troubled that this is all caused by CTE. I so wish that was not a factor for these players.
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Antonio Brown’s story will not end well. When he played in Pittsburgh, he was a diva. But beginning last summer when forced a trade to Oakland, things changed. We thought it was the same old nonsense, because it began with something inane- a gripe about his helmet. But the incidents escalated into physical encounters. So it’s going to be by his own hand or because he forces someone else to take him down.
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B,
I just knew this was gonna be good…
Top five – you’ve nailed them… particularly love number 5… but then, I am biased 😉
Awww… no _____-gate this year – what will we bitch about? You sure about dissing avocado ice cream? Bring on the football!
A historic match indeed. I love that both teams are way overdue. (And love the way put this) That IS some old school shit!
10 minutes of sport, 50 minutes of commercials – ain’t that the truth.
Your top five trivia is top-notch. I especially love the last one… the only team, eh? Why am I not surprised?
You are right about who will be watching for what reasons. I’m probably gonna be solo on my couch flipping channels unless the game actually turns out to be a good one.
Love your predictions!
And fuck yeah, Montana! Always did have a soft spot for him.
You are a hoot, yanno that?
Q
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Q,
It’s the Super Bowl, it’s gotta be bigger and bolder.
Now it’s incumbent on Miami not to fuck up all this goodwill by doing something really stupid in the upcoming draft.
I’ve had avocado ice cream. Blech!
Old school shit but with some new school pop, so really, this game SHOULD have everything.
I might have been off by a minute or two, I think it’s closer to twelve minutes of real action in an entire game.
This post had to have a Miami slant seeing as how the game is being played in Miami. And the author is a Miami fan . . that doesn’t hurt either.
The kids ditched so it’s just me and Big Papi. And making sure he doesn’t take another spill since he’s been so unsteady as of late. Yay?
There usually is some truth in my predictions, I forget what I predicted last year. . .
Joe Cool was the perfect moniker.
Oh I know it. From way back! 😉
B
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Darn tooting! And you do bigger and better super well!
Well… all we can do is wait, right?
I know. I can’t help but tease you on this one!
It should have everything…
At that point, whose gonna count the extra minute or two?
The kids ditched! Not cool! I’ll check in now and again so I can feel part of the party 😉 And give you a break…
It will be interesting to watch for them 😉 I’ll keep this post within reach…
It was.
Course you do…
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You used a Super pun there, I saw it.
I am not scared of what may come based on past Dolphins drafts. Well, maybe I’m a little bit scared.
Of course!
The woiks.
I know right? But for official purposes and all, I should have supplied the exact time. Yanno, unless someone wanted to wager based on my post. 😉
Well DT had bought tickets to see The Thing in 35 mm film at an old theater and he did’t think to check the date. He thought it was today but it’s for next Sunday, LOL. I talked him into going since he already had the tickets, and he’s a movie geek.
The 99 yard touchdown pass by Mahomes (because technically it can’t be any more than 99 yards) is something to watch for. San Fran will play him tight and rush if they have him in a hole and he has WR’s who could burn them.
Sho nuff.
Yaya!!
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Ya did, did ya?
You’re allowed to be a little – but it’ll serve no purpose!
🥑🍦
🙂
This is true. Being all official-like in this-here post, it is best – specially if you gots wagerers.
You are a good Daddy.
Yes, this even I knew. Will be keeping my eyes wide open for it!
Yayaya!
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It was RIGHT there.
Hesitant . . leery . . that is probably more to the truth.
Blech!
😉
Degenerate gamblers who will pay big interest in the name of football. What a country!
He’s not much for football anyways.
I will go on record and predict a scoring play of at least eighty yards by the Chiefs.
WOOO HOOO! (The only way I say woo hoo is in text form. The auditory version annoys me to no end).
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You must be rubbing off on me.
Makes sense.
How ’bout this then? 😘
I don’t think it’s reserved for the US…
There is that.
I have taken note. 😉
I promise never to do the woo hoo in audible version! CHEERS!
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Remember, you still go Raiders. Miami is your side team.
I’m down with the warning signs as a Dolphins fan. Possessing too much hope is one of them.
Bettah. 😘
No it’s not. We just do it dumber.
🙂
Ayt! I’m on the clock for an eighty plus yard pass play by KC. Aaaaanddd we’re off!
Ugh, it’s just so trite. It’s why I don’t listen to live versions of anything.
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Yes, dear… 😉
Hahah. Right.
Thought so 😘
Oh come on now…
Yes you are!
It is. Now I shall even break my bad habit of writing it.
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Well come on honey, I don’t want to take you from your OG team. But Miami is more than willing to pick up the slack if the Raidahs flounder.
LOL
😘
LOL!!
I am? I am!
Look atchou.
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You right, you right…
😘
Yep. Lookit me… Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, eh?
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Best of both woilds. Let’s just hope one of these clubs has a season worth rooting for next season.
😘😘
I’m the old dog. You’re the pussycat.
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THAT would be great!
😘😘
Right! 😽
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I think so too.
😘😘
I know it. Woof!
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😊
😘😘
Meow!
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😘😘😘😘
I know that language . . .
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😘😘😘😘
Of that, I am certain…
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😘😘😘😘
Oh . . U . . .
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😘😘😘😘
Oh… Me… Oh… My…
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😘😘😘😘
Phew! I thought you were going to hit me with a song . . .
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😘😘😘😘
Nah… not this time
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😘😘😘😘
You know, the mind starts playing tricks . . so after posting that comment it was working up a lather as it attempted to look for a song . So I “Nanananananana!”ed it until the moment passed.
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😘😘😘😘
This is how I keep you on your toes… Can’t have you getting bored with me by becoming predictable!
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😘😘😘😘
It’s hilarious how the emojis keep following . . .
You? Predictable? Bahahahahaha!!!
See . . this is why it’s a given that Canada is the birthplace of sarcasm. Because when you say stuff like that . . . .
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😘😘😘😘
I feel if I leave them behind, I’ll be accused of something
I was just sayin’… I didn’t want to become so!
Again the accusations. Good thing I’m made of strong stuff.
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😘😘😘😘
What? Emoji neglect? I’m relatively certain that isn’t a thing. Yet . . . .
Uh huh, well you know bettah.
Canadians invented toughness around the same time they invented sarcasm . .
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😘😘😘😘
I ain’t taking any chances – I might get accused of something else!
I do.
It’s how we survive our “Goody-Two-Shoes” image…
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😘😘😘😘
Somebody has a guilty conscience. 😉
Buttah.
I can see where all those maple syrupy testimonials might get a bit much.
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You might be right…
Mmmm
They are hard to live up to at times.
😘😘😘😘 (fooled ya!)
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😘😘😘😘
Atta girl.
Yum.
The hell with it . . .
😘😘😘😘 (gotcha!)
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😘😘😘😘
Uh huh
😘😘😘😘
Damn straight!
😘😘😘😘
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The triple decker emoji!
😘😘😘😘
Mmm Hmm
😘😘😘😘
Go girl!
😘😘😘😘
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Okay. We have OFFICIALLY reached ridonkulous status!
😘😘😘😘
😘😘😘😘
😘😘😘😘
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U win!
😘😘😘😘
😘😘😘😘
😘😘😘😘
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We do… how ’bout that? So much better to share, I say.
💕
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💕
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As I think I’ve noted here before, I’m not a fan of pro sports.
But I am a fan of your writing, and so even though this piece was about pro sports, I read it.
And I’m so glad I did! I came away with a fascinating bit of trivia that – if pressed into a conversation about the Super Bowl, this year or ever – I can use to awe and amaze: the name of the contest was inspired by a kid playing with a Super Ball.
I had a Super Ball as a kid!
Thank you!
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See RW? I wouldn’t let you waste your time reading some old run of the mill sports post. How boring would THAT be? Nah . . gotta put the jump in it. And I’m glad I could supply you with some 411. 😉
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hey – finally was able to get into leave comments on certain blogs….
and you are really funny with the two hour concert and by the time I was here:
“Mahomes flings a pass back into the stadium” well you had me shaking my head – good stuff amigo
The Miami song was new to me – and I wonder why I did not know that song from Will… but it sure fit the post –
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There you are!
This is all very strange, I know. But true? Oh my God, how true this stuff might really be if peeps all decided they were going to take the red pill.
Which is code for Go Chiefs!
PS- Will always provides.
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🙂
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Bwahahaha! I wanna see the spread on your prediction! Wow, Andy Reid was a ‘robust’ 13-year old back in 1971. Since I don’t have a dog in this fight, either team can win; I’m just happy it ISN’T a certain team from the East Coast. I’ll be watching the Puppy and Kitten Bowl before the big game and may even take an actual count of the number of commercials the NFL plans to dump on the consuming world. 50+ years later the Chiefs return to the big show; let’s hope Mahomes plays well. It’ll be sad there has to be a loser in this game, both teams have played amazingly well this season.
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Me too!
A very robust 13 year old! Wowza! He could have made the Miami Dolphins roster at 13, no problem.
No, we will not speak of that team that shall not be mentioned. We have been pardoned for this one.
Love those bowls!
And the over/under on commercials for the Super Bowl . . I gotta wonder.
I agree, both of these clubs have been tremendous this season. The Chiefs with that offense and the Niners with that defense. This should be fun.
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It actually might be enjoyable and not a rout for a change. Hope springs eternal. Let pray the Team Who Shall Not Be Mentioned enjoy their winter golf game. Oh the hell I do, I hope their golf game sucks all winter long. 😈
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