The Annoyances Post (Volume . . Mucho)

You Want Me To Turn Where? On The Annoyances–And Dangers–Of Bad Street Signs – WAMU

Back in the day, I used to pen my annoyances on an almost monthly basis. The hope was that in expelling these inner turmoil ridden snake bites from my system, perhaps I would lighten up. Needless to say, Vietnam was a romantic comedy in comparison. I would love to blame this epic failure of a stratagem on my therapist but we broke up during the second Obama administration, long before I started writing these fuckers up.

Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time. These posts . . not the relationship.

Anyways, with the goal of self-improvement no longer serving as a hindrance, Imma dish up another edition of “Shit that annoyed me this week!”. If you find yourself playing along at home . . well, I’d seek help immejiately.

Aaron Rodgers- He spent the summer singing songs of woe is me, making State Farm commercials and wondering if his career was in . . wait for it . . Jeopardy. Okay, so his bosses are disingenuous schmucks who made it clear he is replaceable. Wow, like . . that never happened to anyone before.

Vladimir Putin- More insufferable than Chevy Chase, colder than Chrissy Teigen (too soon?) and smugger than a gossip scribe’s twitter page. All that and he rides horseback without a shirt. Who does that? This fucking guy, that’s who.

Jersey Mike’s Subs- No one, and I mean no one in the history of ever has exclaimed “Mmmm, New Jersey makes the best bread!”. It’s not a thing!

Pumpkin Spice- Their attempts to colonize every single food- from Cheerios to Chobani yogurt to Peeps and pancakes and pretzels is bad enough. But their attack on Milano cookies is an act of war.

Cracking my phone screen- Two decades, many phones . . and so 2021 became the year when I went broken china on my screen, and what’s worse? Tupac ain’t around to rhyme it back to life. Jesus, Mary and Martin Cooper . . . why???

Pants with drawstrings- The physics of this seemingly harmless invention is destined for tragedy, and still I return to the scene of this fashion crime. Shame on me.

People who say “What’s on your plate today?”- In a world where most phrases have the shelf life of a mayfly, why won’t this one just die?

Applebee’s commercials- To borrow from Tessio in The Godfather. . for old time’s sake.

The Miami Dolphins- If this sad excuse for a football team that should really be sold for parts were a person . . it would write a screenplay that feels very much like Capra in the magical first act . . and then turns into a Family Guy episode. After which, it punches you in the face . . and then steals your car and your house and your girl and your cats and your dog . . and then takes your identity, leaving you penniless, forcing you to rob a bank which leads to your arrest and conviction and the next thing you know, your cellmate is a three-hundred and fifty pound guy named Stumpy who’s serving two life terms and thinks you have a perty mouth. And then Miami comes to visit you every Sunday . . and he brings you a Jersey Mike’s sub.

 

 

 

38 thoughts on “The Annoyances Post (Volume . . Mucho)

  1. I thought of you when I saw the Bills-Dolphins score.

    How somebody hasn’t figured out how to knock Putin down a few pegs is beyond me. But then again, it’s a great example of what absolute power can do for a guy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ugh. It’s always the same old same old with that club. No matter who’s running it.

      He had a simpatico in Trump, and now this administration plays hide and seek with him. I can’t figure it out either.

      Like

  2. Do you support shorts with draw strings? Because I’ve got issues with shorts that don’t have draw strings. They get loose and I start to feel like a seventeen-year-old punk with sagging shorts unless I can keep them tied up.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bwahaha…I have to admit, your grievances made me start the week with a smile. Especially the Jersey Mike subs and Dolphin’s references. Guess we’ve all been inside too long, the grievances have begun accumulating…in spades on steroids. Either I’m getting too old (a strong possibility-BTW…get off my lawn!) or people are just becoming even more annoying since COVID began.
    P.S. No one likes a whiner…not even a Hall of Famer one who was treated shabbily. They keep reminding us fans it’s a business…maybe they should remind the players a few more times as well. Right or wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

    • When that sub company talks about their fresh baked Jersey bread, I can’t . . I just cannot.

      The Dolphins never change. All this goodwill they’ve accrued over the last couple seasons, and then to just get a beat down like that, at home. And sorry, but this isn’t the Buffalo teams of the mid 90’s either. I mean, come on guys! Show something!

      Rodgers I sided with, initially. But then it continued, on and on. His trips to this place and that place and his Jeopardy gig and his social media comments. And then he completely stunk up the joint last week and I was okay with that. Of course, now they get the Lions . . which is more than they deserve.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I felt bad for Rodgers but honestly I’m so sick of whining malcontented athletes that I’m just done feeling badly for them. It’s as if they feel entitled and I’m definitely so over that! If he wants sympathy, it’s in the dictionary between shit and syphilis-look it up, Aaron. 👿

        Liked by 1 person

        • So true. I was understanding of his situation, because I felt like Mark Murphy was, and is, a yellow bellied schmuck. But Aaron just couldn’t stop, and then, the way they lost last week against NO, it was like he just shrugged and gave up.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. You hit the nail on the head. All are great. The dolphins don’t bother me cause I don’t follow them but other than that I’m on your bitch cycle. Those drawstrings in my zipper are the definition of hell. How do you get a half stuck zipper up or down. Where it is means solitary confinement in the loo. Damn annoying.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. God, if I weren’t in a miserable love hate relationship with our Dolphins ( that’s quickly falling over to that hate side) I’d try to defend them but there’s no defense. I’m wearing a paper bag over my head. The last time I felt so nauseous was when I saw Putin riding bare back. What’s happening?!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • After seeing the final score on Sunday, I believe I said something to the effect . . “Fire fucking everyone! Trade everyone! Move the team!” Maybe it’s not verbatim . . okay, it’s verbatim.

      Like

  6. B,

    Back in the day, eh? I like to think a regular purge can’t hurt.

    Poor Aaron. Let’s call the Waaahmbulance.

    Putin is putrid. Did I miss something with Chrissy Teigen?

    I have to rely on your good judgment (which hasn’t failed me yet) re the Jersey Subs. Having had the Philly bread, I’d be hard-pressed to believe it could be that good.

    Yanno… I make my own pumpkn spice; which I use sparingly and occasionally. I cannot imagine why… no that’s not true. I know exactly why they put that shit in your cookies…

    No way! I, for the first time, cracked MY phone screen… Still usable but just annoys the shit outta me.

    Laughing on the drawstrings situation. Some pants/shorts require ’em. It’s when they get pulled all the way out or partially and you have to fuck around getting them back where they belong…I saw John’s comment and I’m just wondering how or why drawstrings are on the sane pants as zippers…

    That’s a stupid expression.

    I’ll leave the Dolphins situation alone. No point in adding salt to the wound 😉

    Excellent choice of song, of course!

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      The Purge is good the Purge is right . . . LOL.

      I sided with Aaron all summer, and then he goes out in Week 1 and just shrugs away a game, and I just can’t listen to the guy any longer. I believe he was right in what he said about the GM or President or whatever he is, but come on, he’s not the first nor the last player to have this happen. At some point you gotta move on.

      They just announced that Putin and his boys were responsible for the death of a former service agent in 2006. What a guy.

      Chrissy isn’t the sweetest of sweets is all I heard.

      I’ve had Jersey Mikes and it’s really not that good in my opinion. And no, the bread isn’t in the ballpark with the stuff down on South Street.

      I like it every now and again, but not in every single thing. It’s just gone beyond the pale I say!

      It does annoy me, and as I told someone at work, I’m leery to give my phone to someone to have it fixed if it’s not a business I am familiar with.

      Drawstrings and zippers on the same pair of pants . . I won’t do. As Meatloaf said, no . . I won’t do . . that.

      Isn’t it? Ugh!

      And now we get the 2-0 Raiders . . because of fucking course.

      I dig ELO, and this song was just playing as I finished my post so it was that simple.

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      • Absolutely! I’m all for the regular purge… Too much backup and you feel bloated…

        It is the time to move on.

        What a fabulous guy. Who’s surprised?

        Ah… I am not in the know on the temperament of Ms. Teigen.

        I have learnt to trust your judgment so if you say it’s not that good, it’s not that good. And now that I’ve had the stuff on South Street.. Wit! I ain’t gonna bother.

        Exactly. Now and again is nice. Overkill is definitely beyond the pale!

        I hear you. I’m not in any rush as so far, it’s not in the way. Eventually, who knows, Maybe I’ll decide to fix it, maybe my term will be up.

        It makes no sense to have both. Zipper and button, ok. Drawstring,, ok. Zipper and drawstring? No.

        What’s on your plate? It’s not full? Lemme give you more…

        Dang it. Wait. When are they playing? I’ll make sure I tune in and send some good vibes to the ‘Fins…

        Sometimes, it just works that way! Go ELO.

        Liked by 1 person

    • I unfortunately cannot forget Miami because they keep playing even though I wish they would just stop. Maybe take the rest of the season off? Travel, see the world, volunteer . . anything but play football!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Fins have a great kicker – but he’s not worth having if the offense can’t move the ball. Then again, try being a Reds and Bengals fan. At least Bearcats are making noise. Gotta love ELO … but they never wrote a song about Jersey Mike’s … So what’s on your plate tomorrow?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Yes… annoyed, esp.the Applebee’s ads. We get them up here.
    As you know, I’m a fair weather Toronto sports fan. You win, I love you. You lose, pfft!
    ALL athlete stars are overpaid! Unless they are giving back.
    Yes, you do a paying back article ever so often, but all should be paying back. That goes for rock stars, and all stars. Only some get it. The rest take the money and run.

    Liked by 1 person

    • They drive me nuts. Those peeps think they are sooooo clever. Puhleeze.

      I’m pretty fair weather myself. These teams do nothing for me, so why am I putting myself out for them?

      I agree. More, we need more of that kind of story. Around the world, in fact.

      Liked by 1 person

          • Yes!
            The players for a city/area, should live there…. a real home team. Casey at the bat and all that!
            $$$ trading, paying exorbitant salaries. Yes, the athletes should be well paid, very well paid… but ridiculous is as ridiculous does.
            So your average Joe, can’t afford to go(unless the family eats beans for months); let alone the poor boy. So he watches on TV.
            OR goes to the stadium, stands outside and watches on the GIANTRON.

            Meanwhile, in some horrid shithole, parents can’t even afford a ball for their kids.
            “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.” to quote Shakespeare.
            Obvi, I am not happy about the whole franchised sports world.
            As a matter of fact, I’ve got myself so worked up here, I am retiring from being a fair weather fan. I am no fan, at all!

            Liked by 1 person

          • You go Resa!

            Me? I used to be a fan, until I wasn’t. Not in the romanticized notion of the word, not any longer. And that’s because the romance done died with all the nonsensical add-ons the games have attached to the respective sports.

            So now I go to independent league baseball games, because the parking is free, the concessions are reasonable and the crowd is not drunk and surly. I have no patience or time for big league sports. Not any longer. Will I go to see a Yankees game in the future? Maybe. But maybe not. They don’t need me anyways.

            Like

  9. I member your annoyances airing of grievances Festivus posts! Ha! They were a fun read 🙂 Drawstring pants during lockdown? I mean sweatpants and distance learning rocked in this household. If I saw someone wearing jeans and heels I was like what kind of jerk is this?! Ha! But since I’m always on the Saucony wearing trip, drawstring pants rock. I can’t stand running in tights, some people enjoy compression pants/yoga pants knowing full well they don’t know what Warrior pose is like, and have no compression needs. But I’m not on that wave. Drawstring pants get a high-five from me 🙂 I don’t know what the Rodgers complaining was about I haven’t been on the NFL/ESPN watch in a while it’s a mess, but I did catch the last 10 minutes of Sunday night’s game and was like whoaaaaaaa. Rodgers with 37 seconds left? All the 49ers could do was smile and say I can’t believe that just happened. Glad to pop in and see you still laying down the tracks and speaking truths on your Volume … Mucho. Ha! That was the best right there. Volume … Mucho. Sending you sunshine and waves my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wear the drawstrings but they just drive me crazy once in a while. Like . . when they start to disappear into the pants and then you gotta fish them out. Madness, I tell you.

      Rodgers was upset the Packers drafted a QB in the first round, and I get that. I sided with him in fact. But then he kept going on and on and on about it, and I’m like, hey . . you’re not the only one in the world with an asshole boss! Move on!

      Yes . . . volume mucho. It’s been a while though, huh?

      You da best Cali.

      Like

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