The Annoyances Post . . . Back and Butter Than Ever!

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As the legendary Ella Fitzgerald once crooned, into each life some rain must fall. Of course, the Queen of Jazz presented this unfortunate reality with the kind of elegance that made  heartbreak seem like a stroll through Paris Hilton’s walk-in closet. The quixotic heft of her brilliant lie left our simple minds believing that clouds were a cursive weep that helped ease the pain of bad whiskey and even worse decisions.

Regrettably, Ella never did get around to explaining why it is that we have to live with annoying shit. Cosmically speaking, the lack of such a nope-us of an opus is a missed exit that can never be undone since it never was done done in the first place.

Which is pretty annoying in its own right . . .

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  • Golf. Having played it, I can honestly say it’s a sport tailor made for those with infinite patience. Oh yeah, and sadists too. As for viewing? I watched the last few holes of Tiger’s first win at the Masters. Because, history. And I watched Greg Norman go from hero to spiro at the Masters the year before, because I love disaster flicks. And that’s it. Because to me, watching golf is right up there with watching flies paint.
  • Last night I planned on staying up to watch Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals between my Heat and the Celtics. I hadn’t watched a single minute of a Miami Heat game this postseason and what did I get for my time? A 20-1 start for the Boston Celtics, after which I turned on something else. I’m a penny stock investor when it comes to my sports portfolio and I’m not ashamed to admit as much.
  • Circus Peanuts. How in blessed hell are these marshmallow monstrosities still breathing our air?
  • There is no messing with the serrated edges on a roll of aluminum foil. I’d sooner be stuck in a phone booth with zombies.

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  • And that reminds me. You know what really annoys my ass? The total liquidation of the public phone booth. I mean, for aesthetic reasons alone they should bring them back!
  • Miller Lite commercials that still have the audacity to peddle flavor, forty-seven years after their introduction. The science of our taste buds ruled on that shit back in high school and it came back with a verdict of As Fucking If
  • When did they pass a law that most every contemporary female musical artist has to sound as if they just woke up? And every male artist has to whine the lyrics?
  • Youtubers who post rants while sitting in their car.

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  • Target art. As if the masters ain’t dead enough.
  • This idea that every last popular (and in many cases, even the not so popular) flick needs to get a reboot is absurd, not to mention lazy. Fresh ideas people! Find ’em!
  • People who turn their car radio up so that everyone knows about their shitty taste in music. And they think it’s cool, even though it’s the exact opposite of cool.
  • Hoverers.
  • Amazon. Every time I dial up their tunes, I get prompted to sign up for their Unlimited plan, which I have zero interest in. All I want is to randomly plug into some shit I may or may not have jammed to previously. I don’t do playlists because, like everything else in the world, it has become so repulsively cliché.
  • Airbnb commercials.

I would like to thank my special guests Ella Fitzgerald, Douglas Adams and Ayn Rand for being the inspiration for this post. And my since apologies to Tim Anderson and Josh Donaldson for never making it out of the Green Room. But rest assured Imma have them back later this week because I simply cannot allow their level of stupid to go unpunished.

Until then, remember kids. Keep your friends close and your beverage of choice closer.

46 thoughts on “The Annoyances Post . . . Back and Butter Than Ever!

  1. Couldn’t agree more with you on the golf thing. I think I’d rather jab a red hot poker in my eye regardless of the historical element. As for “People who turn their car radio up so that everyone knows about their shitty taste in music” . . . yeah, because nothing sounds good when the bass is distorted by blown speakers.
    Great observations on life in general. And with it being being on the heels of a monster of a Game 4 in St. Louis with Kadri’s hatty, Imma gonna keep the beverages close and abundant. It’s the only way to get through these playoffs. Yikes!! 🥅 🏒

    Liked by 1 person

    • And Tiger love? Ugh! Enough! Too much! Stop it! Please!

      They really think they’re cool. Which ain’t helping matters any.

      I’ve been keeping tabs, and outside of the “SEC hockey round” with Florida and Tampa, good stuff.

      Go Avs!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, Pilgrim you just confirmed you’re my brother from another mother. Golf? Patootie. Tried it. Hated it. Marshmellow circus peanuts? Toothache. Phone booths? Now no place to change. Miller Lite? Carbonated defrost. Singers today? Hog callers. Youtubers? Thumbs down. Target art? Firewood. Movie redos? They need to pay us to go see them. Loud car radios? Patriot missile. Those that hover? Get out. Amazon music? Alexia, play me some silence. AirBnB? Where’s the bed bug spray. So well done. 😁

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Howell’s response may be one of the best ever … and the last line of your opening paragraph? Holy Crap, Batman!!!!! I’m a golfer, and like watching it on TV – but I’m not married to watching it. Did you know that when asked about his favorite smell, Shaq answered “farts.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m not much of a sports fan, (I will come up with an acronym for that one of these days) But I have to believe that saying: misery loves company. I think that is Amazon’s mantra! Stuff for Poor Old Reprobates To Share. ok, ok I’ll work on it . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  5. B

    What a beauty of an intro. And Ella couldn’t be expected to divulge all. She needed us to learn the stupid and annoying along with the elegance and brilliance.

    – Golf. Seriously, the best thing about it is the late great Robin Williams’ skit on it! Just in case you need a refresher… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcnFbCCgTo4
    – I don’t do basketball, so there is that.
    – Never understood how people could willingly eat those circus peanuts
    – Never mind the serrated edges, just the edge of the aluminum foil is way worse than paper!
    – I think it’s totally wrong that we cannot find a phone booth. You’re right, aesthetically speaking, we need to have one here or there.
    – Miller Lite has some nerve claiming to be beer…
    – Do not get me started on the contemporary singers. What the hell is up with all of them?
    – I have been asking myself why ANYONE posts ANYTHING on YouTube from their car. Just like all the peeps on dating apps who take their pic there – what? You don’t want your girlfriend to know that you are on these apps?
    – Target, Walmart, etc. “art”.
    – I’m still trying to get over Spiderman being remade what, 2 years later? No imagination whatseover,
    – I think no one enjoys anyone else’s music blaring.
    – Hoverers – ever notice they are also loud breathers?
    – I’ve never tried Amazon tunes.
    – Airbnb have commercials?

    You always have the best guests!

    Love your choice of music (of course) 😉

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      I guess you’re right. But I think she might’ve hit it out of the park if she had penned a song. Because she always hit it out of the park.

      Buahahahaha! I love it. Robin Williams was insanely talented, damn.

      Circus peanuts or Styrofoam? Tough decision.

      Yikes! Yeah, any part of that fucking aluminum roll is bad news.

      Fuck Miller Lite! (Says the guy who will have a Coors Light tonight).

      There are a handful of songs and artists that I can stomach, but mango, to get there is a journey!

      I have no blessed idea what the car thing is about. The dating apps I understand, the cheaters ain’t want to get caught.

      Target art, Kohls books, Walmart anything . . .

      And don’t forget Batman, which is catching up with Spidey.

      No one.

      Yes! And if they have bad breath, it’s the worst trifecta ever.

      Don’t.

      Yes they do. One of the first that I watched, it was charming. But as with everything else, they try to up the ante each time and it ain’t working.

      I know it. 😉

      Shocker?

      B

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I share many of your annoyances: golf, tin foil serration, Airbnb commercials, the decimation of the public phone (although in my area they had become urinals… and not just for the homeless… SO, they did free standing phones, whereupon some guy would pretend to be making a call but was actually taking a piss) movie reboots (I’m in with greedy and lazy), hoverers, amazon (fukem! been boycotting them 6 years now).
    Whew!

    I really need to tell you that I watched the first episode of “Winning Time”. OMG – Love it!
    I’ll watch more. It comes up in the “Limited Series” category.

    In my peer group, I get to nominate: Best Costumes, Best Production Design & Best Series.
    I’m going to nominate it in all of my groups categories.

    They’ve got some stiff competition, but I think they will bring home some awards. John C. Riley could very well get a best actor nom.
    As far as the limited series crown, they have a chance, but they are up against: “The Thing About Pam” (stars Rene Zelwiger – will get a best female actor nom, surely) “Lucy and Desi” (stars Nicole Kidman – I think the crown will be a fight between Rene and Nicole). I think “A Very British Scandal” will get a nom.

    Well, this is a sport of sorts to me.

    There are many more categories: best comedy series, best drama series, best made for TV movie, best reality show, best kids show… and on and on.
    I will nominate what my peer group can, in all categories.
    Noms are announced in July.
    August is the voting month. I get to vote, too!

    Hey, I did a movie about Ayn Rand (stars Helen Mirren). Got some stories there. Another time!

    MOUAH!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I knew we were simpatico, Resa. Or is that simpatica? Or is it both! And yes to Amazon . . . fuck em!

      Winning Time is funky goodness. Yes! To the swag and the tunes and the vibe. I love how they chance the camera lens at times, to a more gritty old school feel. I also love Adrian Brody as Pat Riley.

      I was wondering about that British Scandal series. I don’t have Hulu(?) to watch Pam.

      Of course you have a vote! Hey! The Dos Equis should be giving equal time to the ladies and I nominate YOU for Most Interesting Woman In The World!

      Yes! More stories coming soon! Woot!

      MUAH!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks for some laughs with this post – the reboots puzzle me also.
    And Amazon music – have no idea about that – but I do think Amazon Original Movies and series need to invest more money in better writing –
    With all their money and cameras and studio options – it seems as if they cut corners on real scripts – and also maybe hire actors/actresses for looks rather than talent – —

    Liked by 1 person

          • I think it might be “me” and my attention span right now – but it feels so slow.
            We will
            Give it another try-
            But first we need to finish Lauren Greenfield’s doc “generation wealth”
            My second time watching it and I am shocked at how much I don’t recall! Maybe I was half asleep or multitasking – but
            The hubs and I are enjoying it!
            I highly suggest you check it out – a few parts are quite graphic (tame
            For some – hahah)
            But truly worth watching
            I might review it on my blog

            Liked by 1 person

          • It is slow, you’re right. But I don’t mind it. And I love that JK Simmons is playing a good guy this time, LOL.

            I do that all the time! You know what I’ll do sometimes? I’ll watch a movie and get half an hour in or so before I realize . . . I’d already seen it.

            Thank you for the 411, 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

          • Hahaha – I have done that with realizing I have seen it too!
            And Simmons is a great actor (but maybe he is going to end up being bad?)
            Oh and another one to consider –
            The movie called “Grace”
            Because your writer side might like it –
            I might review that one too because even if not super great – it was GOOD and had personal nuggets that connected with me

            Liked by 1 person

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