Mashup Theatre Presents: The (Non)Annoyances Post!

The Day - MacKinnon shines in clinching win, helps Avs win Stanley Cup - News from southeastern Connecticut

I decided to make good on my threat to ching a mashup of annoying things with stuff that supplies disco to my senses. To borrow from those classic Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup commercials, I got some harsh in my mellow and I got some mellow in my harsh. It’s about time the twain should meet, so let’s dance!

Mellow Playoff hockey. The coolest game in the world achieves Jules Winnfield status when the weather gets toasty, and this season was no different. The Colorado Avalanche knocked off the two-time defending champion Tampa Bay Lightning, denying the SEC another title. In the process, The Avs served notice that Joe Sakic is the new John Elway and his club ain’t done courting Lord Stanley just yet. 

Harsh– People who subject everyone to their phone conversations. You hear them in the grocery store checkout line and you even hear them at the movies. These ass-hatted humperdincks think they’re sooooo scary interesting when the truth is, we’d rather eavesdrop on a Mormon marshmallow roast.

Mellow– Furry friends in pet strollers. It’s the cutest Godamn thing this side of Emilia Clarke wearing a baseball cap. Over the last couple weeks, I’ve made the acquaintance of a calico cat named Pancake and a Westie named Mr. Wigglesworth. I am all about that. 

Shop-Along Seating for Shopping CartsHarshThose infernal two-seater shopping carts. If only these consumption conveyances were used as God intended. But nope, they’re usually occupied by elementary school students who attend the Regan McNeil School of Performing Arts or college kids majoring in drinking games that were obviously created by Eli Roth.

Mellow– The New York Yankees in 2022. It’s been a Kinsella novella for my pinstripes to this point in the season. And while it would be easy to forecast cloudy skies ahead based on how the Astros outplayed them this weekend, Imma stick with the glass being half full. If the boys can somehow make it rain champagne in October, I’ll write ’em a love letter.

Harsh– The New York Yankees Announcers. Mel Allen must be crapping in his dead pants every time he listens to this bunch. John Sterling doesn’t call a game, he massacres it. And new addition Carlos Beltran fits right in when he offers up stuff like “Anthony Rizzo doesn’t like to strike out,”. How can a historic franchise suffer this kind of bush league broadcasting?

coffee orders - Imgflip

HarshStarbucks People. There’s nothing sophisticated or hip or irreverent about ordering a double caramel macchiato with 1/3 whole milk, 1/3 almond milk, 1/3 soy milk and a 1/3 hemp milk, a double pump of Madagascar vanilla syrup, a dead eye triple shot and a sprinkle of angel dust. You’re just projecting your neurosis onto a barista who doesn’t make nearly enough to deal with your shit.

Mellow– An ice cold beer when the temps get contentious. It’s Tchaikovsky for my taste buds. And sure, that ice cold beer isn’t going to change the weather. But it’s going to help me forget all about it, and isn’t that what counts most of all?

Harsh– Driving has gone Grand Theft Auto. I don’t know if it’s the post Covid Effect where peeps jolly their rogers by burning Stuntman Mike in effigy, but I ain’t down with it. If you wanna burst your bubble by playing bumper cars? Move to Florida.

Mellow– Horror flicks. Because they offer me a reason for living that the daily news cycle just ain’t supplying. 

I would like to thank Jesus for providing me with the inspiration for this jaunt. That dude is the best straight cash homie mechanic/drug dealer ever. And as for a sequel to this nice meeting vice business goes?

Seguramente.

 

 

 

28 thoughts on “Mashup Theatre Presents: The (Non)Annoyances Post!

  1. B,

    It’s all about balance, eh? A little mellow to quash the harsh. A little harsh to quell(ow) the mellow.

    That Avalanche win was an exciting (especially by the third period), nail-biting romp, for sure. Woot! way to bring in the summer, boys!
    Cellphones are yet another thing that has brought out the self-importance in peeps. Annoys the shit out of me. I feel for the cashiers who have to listen to this shit as they scan their shit. So rude.
    Ice cold beers in the stinking hot temps is another way to balance 😉

    Perfect choice of tune, to boot (of course).

    Q

    Liked by 2 people

    • Q

      I had more annoyances going than non, but I think I made up the difference just fine. I can fake it till I bake it, yanno?

      The 2-1 for more than half an hour’s worth of playing time was a bit much to take. I would have appreciated a couple more Colorado goals, as I am sure they would have as well. But in the end, no orange hue to the Cup this year.

      Oh, and don’t forget how the cashiers have to deal with not only the conversations people have on their phones, but the websites these people push in their faces so they can get their Indonesian made wicker basket for less after demanding a price adjustment.

      I love John Denver. He was gone much too soon.

      B

      Like

  2. I didn’t watch any of the Stanley Cup finals this year. Who knows why … but I’m happy for the Avalanche. I hate the grocery carts with an attached car or bus. People on their cellphone when they shouldn’t be is telling the rest of us that they are very important.

    I had a tasty beer recently. A California Common lager toasted oak chips soaked in Rye whiskey, orange purée and cherry purée. Very smooth + mellow + refreshing + not sweet + not hoppy + not tart + great color = wonderful

    OK … I had to search for Emilia Clarke wearing a baseball hat … and I found this for you. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3756084/When-lightning-strikes-Emilia-Clark-cuts-stylish-figure-form-fitting-jeans-white-T-shirt-arrives-London.html … She reminds me of the yummy Emmy Rossum.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I started watching in the semis, and lemme tell you, it was cooking with gas. The Rangers had the Bolts until they let them off the hook in Game 3, after which I knew it was fated for Tampa to get to another Cup finals. The Avs were so damn fast, and it took the Lightning a couple games to get used to that, not to mention the altitude. But they got back and nearly made this a seven gamer. I hate that they’re based in Florida, hell of a club.

      People want to be important, to be seen and heard. I don’t get it. Just BE!

      Mmmm, I don’t get too amped about fruit essences in my beers, but I am a willing adventurer.

      Dragon Mama has style, even when she ain’t trying. Appreciate the pic!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Loved the harsh and mellow discussion, Pilgrim. I am so over so many things that I’ll give a blanket endorsement to your observations. I quit going into Starbucks since the time I had this overwhelming desire to throw custard pies at everyone in the place including the snotty barista. I decided to refrain and just not go back. Besides my espresso machine makes better joe. The phone guys really get me. Especially the ones who insist on using the speaker. Does anyone have a bucket of water handy? Not much for hockey but glad for the fans of the Avalanche. I loved Frank’s choice of beer. The last time I tried a fruit fortified brew I broke out in a rash. To each his own I suppose. Well done.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Boss

      I figure on expanding my positivity into places that once held scorched earth. Thank you for digging it.

      Glad you agree with my report card on Starbucks. What I didn’t mention is that I haven’t decorated their doors since before Covid. No need to invest in stale coffee and overpriced desert drinks. And you’re right, as with most restaurants, I can do it better anyways.

      Custard pie throwing. If you ever want a partner in crime on that one, dial me up.

      Same goes for water throwing. Would love to put those “Me Devices” to sleep for a spell. And if they happened to be on speaker, all the better. I would love to hear the gurgle of those voices as they vanish into the ether.

      The Avalanche are one hell of a club. It was so damned fun watching them do their thing.

      That beer DOES sound good huh? I’ll have you know I’ve turned a few peeps onto your Voodoo crush, and with very positive results.

      Thank you Jefe

      Liked by 1 person

      • One thing we would have to worry about in doing a custard pie caper is the subsequent call for custard pie legislation. We would no doubt have to testify in front of the House custard pie panel. The thought of having to look at Adam Shiff’s wide eye stares makes me want to confess to a different crime.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Not to harsh on your post, but dear gawd, I’ll pray every day Joe Sakic is leap years better than Elway on the GM front. So far so good, but the off season will be a big test trying to keep the likes of Nichushkin & Kadri among others.

    There is something about the likes of the affected in Starbucks. WTH, people? I’d feel bad for anyone who received that 1/3, 1/3, 1/3 nad offer the barista to throat punch the orderer. Jeez.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, Elway started off well enough. His end result notwithstanding, Joe will pave his own way. And the club he built is no joke. Not to mention, they’re not reliant on a 35 year old quarterback either 😉

      I don’t measure my drinks. Which is why I love my drinks!

      Liked by 2 people

        • Whenever they would show Sakic up in the suite, I thought to myself, how much does he probably wish he was still playing? Less stress than watching your team hold onto the most delicate of leads for half a game!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Knowing the even keeled Sakic, it’s just probably a different kind of feeling. In the interviews he’s given, he reinforces how thrilled he is for the team as a whole and how still ever so exciting it is to see the Cup back in Denver. He never stopped believing in what they could accomplish this season, probably something that helped those kids and seasoned players dig down to pull it off.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve been hiding on Art Gowns.
    Trying to get a post together. Wait ’til you see AGM Dale’s gown!
    Let me focus on this spost.
    Sports.. am also annoyed by “your conversation is so important”.. ich.. All pet pics (not ones where they are being abused) are so cute,
    Carts,,, sports … sports announcers.. starfucks … beer?
    Horror…Where the H is Leviathan? I must have 4,000 (I’m understating) shows on 8 networks.
    WHY can I not find Leviathan?
    Love you!
    Muah!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Driving has gotten crazy here, too! It’s always been bad, but a couple of years ago our local government decided that the problem isn’t bad drivers, it’s giving out too many tickets. So now we don’t, and surprise, surprise, the driving is even worse! And don’t get me started on people talking loudly on their cell phones in public…..unless they’re giving out their credit card info so I can use it, I don’t want to hear it!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ugh, it’s like driving inside a game of Grand Theft Auto. And the people who trash the speed limit AND just switch lanes on a dime, it’s frightening.

      Haha! Yeah, unless you’re kicking in that kind of info, keep the convo to yourself people!

      Liked by 1 person

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