Of Kings and Queens and Kitchen Sinks

History of cats in Egypt

I like the idea of a spirit world.

Ancient Egyptians took the shit very seriously because to their way of thinking, a person’s life wasn’t finished when their expiration date came calling. They believed that the newly departed had an appointment with Osiris- the god of the deceased- and his 42 judges in a place called The Hall of Truth. If it was judged that the person on trial had lived a good life, they were permitted to enter Club Afterlife. Conversely, if the person was judged to have been a dick, they were tossed into the abyss and devoured by a monster. Not for nothing, but the Hall of Truth sounds way more fair minded than our Supreme Court. But that’s another thought for another post.

Anyways, the Egyptians believed that if you were greenlighted for the penthouse, it was all Gucci from there. Residents whose slippers were woven from clouds didn’t have to sweat any return trips to earth. They were gifted their favorite places and things for the rest of eternity without ever having to load up the car and fill the tank. There was however . . a however. Because let’s face it, there’s always a however. If an individual was called into the existential equivalent of jury duty, it meant their business on earth wasn’t quite finished or their peeps had dissed them in some way.

My daughter is convinced that we have a ghost and his name is Mr. Speaker. It makes sense, seeing as how the former furry ruler of House Lancaster loved the view from his perch and made sure that any visitors knew they had best leave their swords at the gate upon entering. It was his kingdom, they were just visiting. It would be sooooo Mr. Speaker to hold it against us for having replaced his precious crown with not one, but two members of royalty. And in the same calendar year to boot.

I elected Jack the 2nd and Wednesday the Only to the throne in the summer of 2020, whilst we were still writing songs about our dearly departed King Speaker. Truth is, I was in a very dark place after having lost Speaker months earlier and so when my sister sent me a video of a couple kittens she was fostering, I replied with “Sold!” And the rest has become a splendid history of two incredibly majestic rulers whose reign is akin to Carly Simon and James Taylor spilling musical gold onto a piece of vinyl.

Evidently, Mr. Speaker disagrees with this assessment.

“I think Speaker is inhabiting the kitchen,” My daughter informed me.

“What makes you say that?”

“You ever notice how Jack and Wednesday accompany each other into the kitchen? Or if it’s just one of them going in, they’ll usually wait for us?”

“You think Speaker’s haunting their asses?” I laughed.

“It’s something he would do,” She replied.

I conducted a thorough investigation of the area, making sure to cancel out insects, rodents and phroggers before reaching my conclusion that Mr. Speaker is in fact, haunting our kitchen.

Now here’s the thing. I could hold a séance in which I confess to the guy that he was such a hard act to follow, I had to double down! And not for nothing, but I honored his memory by naming one of them Jack (Since his full name was Mr. Jack Speaker)  He was a trusted confidante and loyal friend to my daughter. He was an expert wingman for yours truly. And as far as gangster chronicles go, the dude was legendary.

Eh . . . what’s the use? I know he would turn his nose up at such a gesture even if it happens to be completely true. He wouldn’t cease and desist even if I asked him nicely. What Mr. Speaker wants, he always gets. Even now. And it’s not as if the current regime is cutting back on food and water as a result. They’re just a tad bit more discretionary as to how they budget their time in the kitchen. And I think I need to follow their example if I’m being completely honest.

Besides . . .as far as I’m concerned, the spirit world just got a whole lot cooler.


28 thoughts on “Of Kings and Queens and Kitchen Sinks

  1. B,

    I like the idea of a spirit world, too.

    Ancient Egyptians knew of what they spoke. Glad that those that don’t make it don’t stand a chance. And of course, there is no such thing as a free lunch so, makes sense that being called to do their duty once they’ve been greenlighted means they need to be available for certain duties.

    Your daughter is probably right! He just has to make sure the two little “replacements” know the what’s what and the who’s who.

    You sure he didn’t take offense at the use of his first name for the new one? Nah, probably not – but he’s just letting you know; making sure they know who is number One. It is interesting that they go in pairs or with one of you,, though.

    The spirit world is a helluva lot cooler now that Mr. Speaker is inhabiting it.

    Excellent tune, of course.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. Okay … so you have a ghost, and 2 cats?
    I hope you have 2 cats!
    This was kind of a magic post. Not sure where I am, probably in ancient Egypt, or your kitchen.

    So, ancient Egyptian tombs were wealth laden.
    For that reason Tiffany & Co. popped into my today mind.

    Then This:

    I’ve worked on 2 projects starring Whoopi Goldberg.

    The first was for Showtime, titled “Good Fences”. It was based on a book. Danny Glover was her husband co-star.

    Part 1:

    The story was about a black couple who rose through the ranks (1970’s) and became wealthy. Danny played a lawyer.

    As they worked their way up the white ladder, their home became a mansion, their clothes became more and more expensive, her wedding ring… well, the diamond got bigger and bigger and bigger. It was a point in the story that expressed the growing wealth.

    Whoopi and I had our first fitting.

    I had a contact that specialized in fake diamonds. She had a collection that were all Tiffany knock-offs.

    A fabulous presentation table displayed the rings, and other Tiffany pieces appropriate for the character.

    Whoopi took one look and said, “I don’t wear paste”. Call Tiffany’s and tell them you’re working with me, and tell them what you need to borrow!”

    So, I did. (after producer approval)

    2 days later I went to Tiffany & Co & they had a selection ready for me to choose from. The most expensive ring was $95,000.00 C, back then.

    There were also bracelets, earrings, etc.

    I chose several several rings, a couple of earrings, and perhaps a necklace and/or brooch. It’s nice to have options.

    My selections amounted to at least $350,000.000. Maybe more.

    They said, okay, we’ll get these ready for you, and call you when to pick them up.


    PART 2 soonish

    Liked by 1 person

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