The Sorryless Interview: Marjorie Taylor Greene

On the Campaign Trail With Marjorie Taylor Greene | Time

Marjorie Taylor Greene’s first two years as the representative out of Georgia’s 14th Congressional District have introduced a fresh new hell to American politics. Greene didn’t take long to unleash conspiracy theories that resulted in a boom for the tin foil hat industry and a crash of our collective common sense. Her political positions scored a zero on Rotten Tomatoes and yet, she is a rock star in some circles- surprisingly none of which were written by Dante Alighieri.

Before my interview with MTG, I spend forty-five minutes talking to her publicist about topics that will be off limits. I’m warned countless times not to utter a single word about masks, vaccines, her rhetoric that involved killing political opponents, the border wall, sanctuary cities, Area 51, Motel 6, Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama, Ayn Rand, Hitler, the Gestapo and Gazpacho, Taco Bell, QAnon . . or anything that begins with the letter Q, gun control, Jews, the harmonica or Chef Boyardee.

Once I’ve been cleared, I agree to meet Greene outside BLT Steak- a popular D.C. eatery for what she is referring to as a ‘road trip’. I notify my next of kin in the event I go missing just as a jet black stretch Hummer pulls to the curb. The tinted window rolls down and a driver dressed in Ray Bans and a bad tan asks me for the password.

“Let’s Go Brandon?”

“Good enough, get in,”

I climb into the passenger side seat and turn to find Greene in an orange dress, sipping a “Pimped up Pineapple Passionfruit Babay!”. I pray to God she keeps her legs crossed for the entirety of the trip as the driver pulls away from the curb.

Sorryless: I would like to start by thanking you for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit with us this morning. I was told you had some important meetings you had to push back in order to accommodate us . . .

Greene: No problem at all. Let’s face it, I’m getting paid whether I’m sitting in on those meetings or not, yanno?

Sorryless: You’re a true patriot, doing the people’s work.

Greene: I’m glad you think so. And umm, what do you mean by the people’s work? What does that mean?

Sorryless: Your constituency?

Greene: Is that one of those French words? Not a fan. The only French I like are fries, kissing and toast! Heck . . . I wouldn’t even watch the show Friends because it sounded too much like French!

Greene lets loose with a cackle out of Stephen King’s worst nightmare while eyeing me suspiciously. I have to change the subject quickly or risk her ditching the interview. I’m ashamed of myself for not choosing the latter but hey . . journalism! 

Sorryless: What are your thoughts on the Titanic?

Greene: Well, I’m not saying it didn’t happen but, where’s the video footage? All those survivors and they even made a freaking movie about the boat but not a single piece of footage? Something’s not adding up.

Mission accomplished. 

Sorryless:  A lot of things ain’t adding up, Ms. Greene. But let’s assume for a moment that the hundreds of thousands of verified reports are in fact true and the ship really did sink. Do you have any theories?

Greene: Well I have to be very careful about what I say because I know my detractors on the left are gonna be like There she goes again! and then the socialist late night talk show hosts are gonna use me in a bunch of skits and make me look really stupid . . .

Sorryless: You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Greene: I’m sorry, what was your question again?

Sorryless: The Hindenburg. Who killed the Hindenburg?

Greene: The French, probably.

Sorryless: Let’s change things up. Did Donald Trump win the election?

Greene: Fucking A right he won the election!

Sorryless: According to  . . . .?

Greene: Anyone who watched the early results where he was ahead by like a bazillion points and they kept on counting even though it was over, clearly.

Sorryless: You do understand this wasn’t a boxing match, right?

Greene: I would bet taxpayer money with you right now that Donald Trump is still President.

Sorryless: So who’s to blame for the economy? And gas prices?

Greene: The president.

Sorryless: In your words, then, Donald Trump is to blame.

Greene: No of course not.

Sorryless: But you just said Trump is president, and then you said the president is to blame.

Greene: I meant neither. And both. And the first one.

Sorryless: Alright, let’s try it this way. Will Trump run in 2024?

Greene: Yes, and this time he’ll win by more than he did in 2020.

Sorryless: So he’ll regain the office that you claim he already possesses?

Greene: Correct. And absolutely not.

I want the interview to be over because I’m running out of patience. And Xanax. Both. Greene chugs the rest of her vodka marinated passionfruit drink and then retrieves a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon from a cooler. 

Sorryless: What compelled you to enter the political arena?

Greene: Jesus came to me one night and we had a long conversation about it. I was depressed because I had always wanted to be an astronaut but an astronaut’s license is really expensive so I wasn’t sure what my future had in store for me. And then Jesus decided that he wanted me to be a messenger for all of the disenfranchised people who do not have a voice and I guess you could say, I answered the call.

Sorryless: Boy, that really resonates with me because I know that as a white man living in this country, it has been one hell of a struggle!

Greene: I hear you brother.

Sorryless: Wait . . a minute. Were you trying to impersonate Mary J. Blige just now?

Greene: Who’s she?

Sorryless: Sorry, she’s the other Mary. Anyway I gotta ask. Is there a special prayer you have to say to get an audience with Jesus? Some kind of religious equivalent to a cheat code that allows you to bypass all the regrettable shit you did before that life altering moment?

Greene: Well, you don’t actually see his face when you’re talking to him.

Sorryless: Oh, like Mickey Rourke . . .

Greene: It’s more like, you feel his spirit inside you and you’re consuming him but he’s also consuming you. As time passes, you are overcome with this feeling of euphoria and then you are powerless to light and music. It goes on for hours like that.

Sorryless: You just described the time I got wasted on Jack Daniels before going to see that Pink Floyd movie . . . to a tee.

Greene: Are you with CNN?

Sorryless: If I say yes, will that end the interview?

Greene: Get out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

39 thoughts on “The Sorryless Interview: Marjorie Taylor Greene

  1. B,

    I would say Sorryless had the patience of Job dealing with the likes of her. How long did the interview last, do you think? And she didn’t even offer a drink! How churlish of her.

    Yannot what I’m thinking? Based on this little quote of hers:

    “It’s more like, you feel his spirit inside you and you’re consuming him but he’s also consuming you. As time passes, you are overcome with this feeling of euphoria and then you are powerless to light and music. It goes on for hours like that.”

    that she would be a prime candidate for Crocket Island…. and then left to the elements.

    Just sayin’.

    Excellent tune to represent!

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey, it’s all about doing the (Dark) Lord’s work, Cincy. So what if I no longer have a soul after spending the time with MTG? Journalism!

      I felt as if she was packing heat, so the idea of being knocked off by her . . . not appealing. I would rather succumb to food poisoning after a trip to Applebees . . .

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I know that you are our neighbour and, for the most part, a really good neighbour. Your politicians notwithstanding. But I keep thinking about that wall that the idiot wanted to build. With politicians like her at the helm I think I would like it, a lot. I am so not visiting the states!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s sad, isn’t it?

      Sad that the far right has decided to respond to the inanity on the far left with extra crispy stupidity. Rather than giving people a voice of reason, they run out people like MTG, Trump and Cruz.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “Let’s go Brandon” has to be the stupidest insult phrase ever devised in the history of the world. MTG and her buddy, Boebert, have set back women in politics by about a thousand years. Stopped in the local bookstore today and saw Boebert’s new book and had to find a can.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Funny stuff, Marc!
    Still, quite the coup to nail an interview with Garbagey Taylored Meene.
    One ugly MOFO comes to mind. How long did it take to detox?

    And Now For Something Entirely Different

    Part 2 of the Whoopi & the ice tale:

    Saturday morning around 10:00 am, I got a call. I was destroyed from a week of 12 hour prep days, and a Friday night of…. Well….

    It was Tiffany & Co. “We have your package ready. Please come by in the next hour!”

    I couldn’t drive… I could barely walk. I threw some outer garments on over not much more than nothing, thigh high boots… hair a massive tangled top knot… similar to a dilapidated beehive.

    I grabbed a cab, and got toTiffany & Co within the hour.

    I was escorted to the upper echelon & handed a brown paper lunch bag. I got it! Why walk around with $350,000.00 in diamonds in a cute turquoise Tiffany bag, when I could just carry a sandwich? Nonetheless, I stuffed the bag into my braless.

    Tiffany & Co. is on the most chic strip in the city, Bloor Street. I looked like a total loser walking past Chanel, Dolce & Gabbana, Prada, etc.
    Anyway, found a cab, and went home.

    Still, I had to safe keep the ice, baby, ice,… until my 6:00 a.m. call on Monday.

    My N works in a 100+ year old bank next door. I knew he didn’t have any clients that weekend, so I asked if I could hide the jewels in one of the old safes or vaults.

    After more than an hour trying this safe, that vault, etc.; we both still felt uneasy. Finally we decided that the garbage under the snack room sink was the safest place.

    When I arrived on the wardrobe truck Monday morning, a small vault was being bolted to the floor. We were to keep the diamonds in there. Only 2 people would know the combination, and I decided not to be one of them. The set and truck persons were the ones that would setting the jewelry in with the continuity costumes.

    Whoopi decided that the biggest ring’s diamond was not big enough for the growing wealth gag, so loaned us her Canary Yellow Diamond from “Harry Winston”. It was worth almost as much as everything Tiffany had loaned me.

    By the end of the show, the girls were over opening and closing that safe all day.
    The rings went into plastic baggies, and were pinned onto a hanger that went with the continuity outfit.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I assure you, it was ALL MTG. And she doesn’t even realize how tragically humorous she really is. Which is both sad and frightening.

      Who ya thinking? An interview with He Who Shall Not Be Named? I think I did that one already. I think . . . 😉

      This story is why your stories can and should be a show. Sexy mama getting the job done whilst hob knobbing with the stars. So many great stories and the imagery . . . I can see you walking down the street!

      Like

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