Do You Believe In Miracles?! Well, Not Really . . But Humor Me

Dolphins vs. Ravens: Twitter reactions from Miami's Week 2 win

Sometimes, it’s better not to ask questions.

I asked myself if maybe it was time to put my annual “State of the Dolphins” post on ice, so as to spare myself the disappointment of yet another campaign full of empty promises. But why should I deny my loyal readers the chance to join me for the undertow party? So I said to myself . . . Self? Just write the damn thing. 

It was deep into the third quarter of the Dolphins game in Baltimore on Sunday when I realized just how much I suck as a sports fan. My beloved Fins were getting clobbered 35-14 and the Ravens were killing more grass than an unemployed pothead. Two games in and I was throwing in the towel; the one Rocky should have thrown in Rocky III. Down by three touchdowns, it was time to call in FEMA and start making excuses for next week’s loss . . I mean game (I mean loss) against the Bills. And then the thought ran through my head . . .

Waddle is tearing it up! 

Wide receiver Jaylen Waddle is so good, it doesn’t seem possible that he’s ours. He wasn’t our first choice, which makes the fact he’s ours that much sweeter. Anyways, that’s not why I was so excited about the game Waddle was having in Baltimore. Nope. I was pumped because he’s on my fantasy league team. I knew it wasn’t right to feel so good about a loss, but hey! It’s the kid’s fault!

That groan you just heard is Vince Lombardi crapping in his dead pants.

Tua Tagovailoa, Miami Dolphins: How to fix your NFL quarterback.

Heading to the fourth quarter, Miami found itself trailing by twenty-one points with Tua Tagovailoa at the helm. Now don’t get me wrong, this Tua fellow is an outstanding individual by all accounts. But here’s the thing. I don’t want my quarterback to be an exemplary individual with scruples for miles. I want my quarterback to be an asshole. Which is why I was coo when we tried to bandito Tom Brady. You put that dude in a phone booth at winning time and go pend your patent.

Heading into Year Three of Tua, the Dolphins have been just fine. Sort of the way a Buick or a hand-knit sweater vest or Nilla Wafers are just fine. It doesn’t help when Justin Herbert- the guy we passed on in the draft- is the best QB not named Mahomes or Kelly . . . even with fractured ribs. Miami’s Coulda Closet of QB’s includes everyone from Herbert to Brady to Watson. Even Baker Fucking Mayfield snuck into our rumor pile for a minute, and he’s more Mickey Spillane character than franchise quarterback.

As for the game, it was the fates complying as Miami ran their dime store offense down the field for a less than giddy yup to make it Baltimore 35 Miami 21 with enough time left for Lamar Jackson and the Ravens to hang a Fifty Burger on the board. I was okay with my team having thrown a punch, I was more okay with Waddle leading my make believe team to the promised land.

And then . . . Baltimore 35 Miami 28.

A career best four touchdown passes for Tua and now my (real) team was counter punching the hell out of a lost afternoon. And then they had the ball back yet again, and im had decided to amscray from the possible. But no . . . of course not . . because there was plenty of time left for us to fuck it up in some Hitchcockian horror story . . . hold on . . what?

Baltimore 35 Miami 35.

When Justin Tucker hit a bomb to give the Ravens a three point lead, I breathed a sigh of relief because I hadn’t actually lost consciousness after all. But I wasn’t expecting what came next to, yanno . . come next. In fact, if I had to make a top five list of shit that I thought was going to happen in Baltimore on Sunday afternoon, it would have gone like this.

1) Giselle purchases the Dolphins and announces that Tom Brady will never get to visit.
2) Lamar Jackson scores on a 101 yard run. Which isn’t even possible.
3) Miami HC Mike McDaniel is arrested for stealing actor Jamie Kennedy’s identity.
4) Jimmy Hoffa’s remains are found in the end zone. By Geraldo.
5) Anything other than . . . .

Miami 42 Baltimore 35 . . with Waddle cradling the go ahead score for my real team and my make believe team.


From the ashes to the top of the heap in fifteen minutes and somewhere, Warhol was smiling. When it went final, I was left to wonder how they’re going to break my heart before the dealing’s done. Maybe the wake up call is next week when they take on a Bills team that is playing as if they stole Superman’s identity.

And I don’t care, because I will be Sebastian to their Mia(mi) if they’re going to be this damned interesting.

Mike McDaniel's path to Dolphins started with a lost hat

The new football boss Mike McDaniel wasn’t our first choice either. And the Boy Genius circa Yale University and the NFC Champion 49ers would say fuck it if you asked him how much that matters right now. No, seriously. That was the play he called with the Dolphins down seven late in the game. The “Fuck It” play was actually in the playbook, and it called for all offensive personnel to line up on one side so’s Tyreek Hill could win his matchup on the other.

Who knows? Maybe Miami hot-wired a road trip from Miami proper to January. Because none of these dudes was at the top of our wish list and yet, they dollar billed a penny opera ending into the kind of comeback dub that just might have playoff games calling on the back nine.

Jesus, this feels like a heist film penned by Zack Syder: Tua as the afterthought point man and Waddle as the chip on his shoulder weapons expert. McDaniel is the wanna be white rapper whose side hustle as a safecracker allows him the chance to strike it rich. And they’ll have to go through the mafia in Buffalo, the syndicate in Kansas City and maybe even that hot shot gunslinger on the left coast if they want to get to the desert. You can’t tell me Hollywood wouldn’t dig that script.

I’m liking it my damn self.

67 thoughts on “Do You Believe In Miracles?! Well, Not Really . . But Humor Me

  1. Always good to see you happy, Pilgrim. Of course, your team did the unexpected which will have you avoiding black cats and ladders for a week. By the way, check what you were wearing for the game and make sure you do the same next week. I think you made the difference.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Marc, I have to say I am very happy for Tua. Man, that guy has really taken hits from the media from Day 1, and he had quite the day Sunday. I am also happy for Mr. Waddle, who is one of my favorite receivers in the league, especially with regard to his touchdown dances. I grew up watching the Dolphins being a force at the Orange Bowl, and it is fun to see them have a day like they did against the Ravens. I will note selfishly that Tua’s day cost me my fantasy football game in one league, but Jaylen helped me win another game…so we’ll call it even. Good luck against the Bills. Even though I think they are the eventual SB winner, getting them after playing Monday night and then traveling down to Miami…probably playing them at the best possible time if there is such a thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tua is always going to have his critics because he’s not built in the vein of Herbert and Allen. He’s slight and he is limited. But he’s accurate and he wins more than not. I want to see him air it out more and so this was a breath of fresh air.

      Waddle is sensational. With Hill and Waddles, we have the Marks Brothers back in business. That Orange Bowl, the way it rocked when Marino got going, yeah, this was a nice blast from that past.

      A friend of mine has Tua as his backup. Allen as his starter. I jokingly suggested that I could take Tua off his hands. No deal. LOL.

      Buffalo is looking goooood right now so I temper myself because there would be no shame in losing to them. I just want to make the postseason. Been too long.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Bravo! At least the fans in the stand don’t have to count down the clock because their team apparently doesn’t have a clue. Nice win. Me thinks it’s gonna be a loooonngg season for my guys. They’re worse than the vertically stripped socks team of years ago. Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My apologies for not replying earlier. Dale let me know I had missed this. And I did!

      Ugh! Hackett doesn’t look as if he can . . . wait for it . . . hack it. I mean, the simple things are beyond him. What happens when he’s playing the Chiefs in December? Yikes!

      The Dolphins have a fun team and lemme tell you, I will take it! All I want for Christmas is an entertaining team that makes a playoff push. I understand that we ain’t in the weight class of the Bills, Chiefs and Chargers. But I want fun and I want competitive. Is that too much to ask?

      The Broncos look like a flop so far. Wilson looks old and the HC looks as if he couldn’t wrangle up carts in a Walmart parking lot.

      But . . it’s early. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Not to worry. Yeah poor Russell. Feel bad for him and those Craig Morton legs but when you don’t have a line to protect you, you’re gonna look old and washed up. Sad too because I think he’s probably still got the arm. Management has got to feel stupid about that extension. My lord, what the heck were they thinking? And Hackett? Don’t get me started. Jeez when the fans are counting down the clock for you…sheesh. The Chiefs have got to be licking their chops. I don’t mind losing but I do expect the team to play well. Not half a$$.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Russell is rusty, so maybe he’s yet to really kick it in. But yeah, he needs a line because he ain’t running around the field the way he used to. And he shouldn’t be expected to do so.

          I have the Broncos TE Albert O. And that’s what he got me this weekend in my fantasy team. 0! What the hell?

          Yeah I agree with that. I hate it when my team just mails it in. I was PISSED when it was Baltimore 35- Miami 14. When the Dolphins got to within 7, I was just happy that they had shown some fight. I didn’t expect the rest of it.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. B,

    It mighta been a tad early to put out your Dolphins Outcry Post.. however, so very glad you did.

    Throwing in the towel two games in is a tad early, don’tcha think?

    And then… waitaminute! Each text you sent me got me all up in arms and pissed that my TV was already disconnected and I couldn’t watch it live!

    Reading this was almost as good as watching the game. Plus your enthusiasm was felt through the innernet 🙂

    That top five shit list is something…

    That last quarter. I’m trying to remember what game it was last year that was as exciting… do you remember? I am quite happy that Tua had this fabulous a game. And let us hope this high stays with him for a good while.

    I have to admit, I would definitely watch that movie…

    As for The Killers (How can I be familiar with the name but not the music?) That video was a hoot and the lead singer’s voice, well… he could be a Loverboy, don’t you think?


    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      I figured this MIGHT be the crest, so I might as well surf the wave. Especially considering we have to take on that locomotive from Buffalo next week. Damn that’s just wrong!

      It’s a Miami thing.

      I was going nuts I tell you. NUTS. But I’m glad I couldn’t actually watch it because I probably would have been walking out of the room after every play.

      The internets get it right every now and again. And Miami actually didn’t fuck it up? What?

      And true. I think Gisele might actually buy the team if it means Tom can’t play for them in the future. I wouldn’t mind. She’s a cool chick.

      The Bills and Chiefs played a crazy game in the playoffs where they each scored a TD inside the last thirty seconds.

      I’m happy for Tua. I’m still wanting to see more because I do believe he’s limited as a QB, relatively speaking. I am not bashing the guy, simply observing. But if he can play anywhere close to this? I’m good.

      Imma get Zack on the horn!

      Brandon Flowers has a rather diverse playlist. This song is just plain fun and yeah, that video always makes me giggle.


      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi M
    I watched the end of a few games on Saturday and this was one of them – danggggg I love a great come back and hubs and I were shocked
    And because I saw the second half of the game
    – this post made sense

    And laughing as usual with your humor and wit ( and there has to be bodies buried all over south Florida – lol
    And this
    “killing more grass than an unemployed pothead. ”

    And you menation preparing for heart break but I think you know that Bills fans have more heartbreak than the dolphins ever will
    Heck! You still have the only team to go undefeated
    But that was a long time ago –
    Anyhow –
    Looking forward to checking in next week because it truly is anyone’s game

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Am I ever out of it. I recognized the names Tom Brady, Rocky and Jimmy Hoffa.
    Also, if I read correctly, your team won, with the guy – Waddle.

    Sorry I don’t have more to say.
    I’ll make it up in another comments box.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It was early in my career.
    I was an assistant, sometimes. The mud they put the totem pole on.

    The mini-series was “Echoes in the Darkness”. Based on a true story, a lot of it took place during a long trial. W/ Peter Coyote, Robert Loggia, Treat Williams and Stockard Channing.

    The entire trial sequence was block shot.
    That meant we kept changing the actors clothes, while the camera stayed locked off. Then they move the camera… and wardrobe madly starts with the day changes again.

    It was a big cast and lots of extras. Set was hot as hades. Men’s shirts were coming and going. The shirt laundering was epic.

    The wardrobe department had no time to send all of the shirts out to be professionally done. Scads of shirts went home with the keys, were washed overnight, and hung to dry.

    I came in at 5:00 and began ironing all these shirts, which were prioritized as per the call sheet.

    I could already iron a shirt like no other, which was much to wardrobe’s joy and relief. It was my big break.
    Of course some wanted heavy starch, others no starch, etc. There’s nothing like keeping track of what starch belongs to whom.

    My station was at the back of a semi -trailer. It was raised up so the metal roof was mere inches above my head. I was using an industrial iron; mucho hot – mucho steam.
    It was a sultry summer, and as the day wore on my station got hotter and steamier.
    The metal roof would expand and contract all day. Beeoing, buc, bimp, beeoing, etc.

    By the end of the show I was ironing 12 shirts an hour. I ironed for 14 -15 hours a day with a 1 hour lunch break, during which I usually ironed, earning a handsome meal penalty.

    At some point during my 1 month run, I got my next big break.
    The trailers were being set with the next continuity change. The keys were going crazy. The stars would be back momentarily.

    Robert Loggia’s … tie pin…. Cuff links… something small had been forgotten. The person who was in charge of setting Mr. Loggia’s costumes, amongst other leads, told me to rush to his trailer and set said item(s) in his accessory tray.

    I did it and was back in the wardrobe truck at the moment Mr. Loggia arrived at his trailer.

    The next morning when I arrived to work, I was accused of stealing Mr. Loggia’s hair brush.

    I was mortified. I DID NOT STEAL HIS BRUSH!!!!!!!!!!

    Turns out he used the exact same brush I used: brand, style, size, colour, the whole 9 yards.

    I let them empty my purse, just in case my brush had turned into his. This went on for days: accusations, purse searching, questionings, embarrassments.
    I would have been fired, but there was no one else who could keep up with the ironing.

    Somehow I made it through. Wardrobe bought Mr. Loggia a new brush. I’ll never forget the way he looked at me when he was given his new brush. I was made to observe the giving. More humiliation.

    Months passed, so did the gossip about the whole ordeal. I was getting work, again.

    My roommate in those days was insane about house cleaning. She decided we should clean behind the stove and fridge. We pulled the fridge away from the wall. There it was; Robert Loggia’s hair brush.

    Liked by 1 person

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