Joe and Marco at the Movies!

Back in the day, I was relatively familiar with film critics because there used to be a symmetry to their presence. Gene Shalit was a fixture of morning shows while Leonard Maltin appeared on Entertainment Tonight. Siskel and Ebert would work it on their weekend show with Richard Roeper playing the versatile utility man. And I would be remiss if I didn’t include Rex Reed and Peter Travers, who plied their craft with bark and bite.

And then the medium went democratic and the finery of flapping gums was replaced with websites and blogs and podcasts bucking the big box office behemoth known as Rotten Tomatoes. It’s gotten to where you can’t tell the players even with a scorecard, so me and my pal Joe have decided to pair up for a top five list ‘o the week.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Where To Watch 'Barbarian' 2022 (Free) Online Streaming at Home Here's How - TechBullion

Marco: We’ll start with a movie that I absolutely loved called Barbarian by director Zach Cregger. It’s a brilliantly directed horror story that deftly weaves together the lost American dream with the #MeToo movement while making Airbnb users think twice before going in those waters.

Joe: I don’t know how in the fuck you got all dat outta dis!

Marco: Oh come on Joe! The cast was dynamic, and I loved Richard Brake in such an understated departure from his usual maniacal self. And the way Cregger played the scenes against each other was pure genius!

Joe: All I kept asking myself is, who da fuck rents an Airbnb in Detroit?!

Marco: Okay Joe, you take the next flick.

Joe: If it gets you to shut da fuck up for five seconds . . gladly.

Blackout - Official Trailer - YouTube

I wanted to love this one since it’s about a guy who forgets that he’s married and gets away with it! I mean, I done this trick many times and it always ended in divorce court so yanno, I thought maybe I would learn something. What I learned was that I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching this bag of dicks run from Mexican gangsters with bad hair . . . Oh, I’m sorry, Mexican businessmen with guns. Josh Duhamel is da main character and I remember seeing him a while back in a romantic comedy I accidentally watched eight times. He was much better in that, because Liam Neeson he ain’t. Nick Nolte plays his boss in this one, which is unfuckingbelievable since I think he died ten years ago.

Your turn Marco.

The Good Nurse (2022) - IMDb

Another favorite of mine is The Good Nurse starring the Academy Award winning actress Jessica Chastain. It’s based on the true story of serial killer Charles Cullen, whose arrest in 2003 uncovered the insidiously dark side of our healthcare system. Chastain breaks open her Hall of Fame toolbox as Amy Loughren, the nurse who helped authorities bring Cullen to justice. Eddie Redmayne is a maestro in his turn as the antagonist whose seething rage keeps us on the edge of our seats. The deliberate pace of the movie mirrors the painstakingly slow wheels of justice.

Samaritan': 'Overlord' Director's Dark Superhero Movie Starring Sylvester Stallone Arrives in August - Bloody Disgusting

Fuck slow wheels, I want action! Which is what I thought I was gonna get with Samaritan, a movie that stars my old neighbor Sly Stallone. Get this, the old man plays a superhero who retired from that gig so he could be a garbage man. I think da guy who came up with this idea musta been related to Mrs. Stallone. Of course there’s this pain in the ass neighbor kid, because there’s always a pain in the ass neighbor kid in these movies, and he’s da one who figures out his garbage man has superhuman strength. Sly is seventy six years old for fuck sake. His only superpowers at this point involve staying up past nine and being regular. This movie is more ridiculous than my Uncle Sal’s idea to put wine in juice boxes.

Halloween Ends | Universal Pictures

Joe: No fucking way.

Marco: Nope.

42 thoughts on “Joe and Marco at the Movies!

  1. B & Joe,

    Lemme tell you, you guys are the dynamic duo we’ve been hankering for!

    It’s so true. Like so many good things that have fallen to the wayside with life in the social media world, so have the wit and repartee of the movie critic on TV.

    I sadly cannot comment on Barbarian, having not seen it. Love your prose, Marco, to describe the movie. Joe, I see it ain’t your cuppa tea.

    I wanted to love Blackout too, Joe. Coz Josh Duhamel is quite the hottie. But you’re right. Liam Neeson, he ain’t and Nick Nolte looks like he died and forgot to fall.

    The Good Nurse was an excellent movie. The two main players were outstanding, as we have come to expect them. They always deliver and this was no exception.

    Oh Joe! You seem to have picked the duds to critique! I kept thinking I shouldn’t watch this one and then, in a moment of weakness and a fondness for Sly, I thought, how bad can it be? Damnation. You’re right. There ALWAYS is a pain-in-the-ass kid!

    Buahahahahahaha! Nope. Not gonna happen.

    Excellent classic tune.

    Quebec Chick

    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      Joe went to sleep. It’s way past his bedtime at this point.

      Such is life, huh? It’s interesting, but with more choices seems to come less dynamism. Everything feels so repetitive now, so rehashed. Sorta the way reboots are everything.

      Barbarian is not for the casual horror movie goer, but its got a lot of jump scares while telling an actual story. AND, the preview is brilliant. It gives you a pinch, not the recipe.

      That bag a dicks was bettah as a romance guy than as a Liam Neeson stunt double but whatevah.

      When you think about it, it was a slow pace, but it worked so well because of the story and the cast.

      Sly won’t ever talk ta me again but that’s alright, I never understood what da fuck he was talking about anyway! Okay, I’m off ta bed 😉

      No. Ends SHOULD have ended after the first part.

      Love the tune.

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      • Poor old guy; needs his rest.

        That’s exactly it. Reboot this, redux that, rehash another.

        Since you have introduced me to horror, I trust you on this one 🙂 I’m going to check the preview after this!

        Oh! Joe, you got up just in time to answer… Yeah, I think you’re right. Romance, yes – action guy, nope.

        It was slow-paced but not slow. They did such a great job building it up.

        Sly shoulda quit while he was ahead. Expendables with the other guys was great…this? Not so much. Sweet dreams, Joe.

        Hahahaha!! I hear ya.

        I love that you love musicals and tunes like this.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I relate.

          It’s the lack of original ideas that makes you sit up and applaud when a movie comes along where the premise is actually a unique one.

          It’s a great trailer. No waste or haste, just well done.

          He done that flick real good, I mean . . after having watched it by mistake that many times.

          It was so well done. When a story can move at a deliberate pace where it has nothing to do with being slow, I’m in.

          Thank God he’s not my neighbor any longer. I was getting pretty sick and tired of watching him work out in his driveway.

          😉

          Well, the right ones.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Joe and Marco are the film reviewers we didn’t know we needed until now. No wasted motions. They get in, say their piece, and get out. No wishy-washy positions or energy spent here. They know what they like and if they don’t like your flick, they don’t care. Splendid.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. HAHAHAHA!
    Love the reviews of the ones you hate!

    Okay, I’ve lost track of what I’ve sent you.
    Can’t find Helen “Mirren and the Onion” anywhere. Did I dream that I wrote it out? Mmmmm maybe… I don’t think so….

    Did I send you about getting down in the dirt with Holly Hunter?

    My answer to the problem, is to put them into a book format every time I send you one.

    Okay… let me see what I have that I haven’t sent. I might write up the Lou Gosset Jr. one next…. Or the second Whoopi one.

    Did I send you the Helen Mirren letter she wrote me?

    OH, I’m thinking the title of the book might be “Take Me To Honeyland”?

    MUAH!

    Liked by 1 person

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