A Million Miles Away And Closing Fast

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There are some days when I feel like the world really is the matrix; an elaborate and complicated labyrinth of shushing doors and dimly lit hallways that lead to a master lab where a billionaire God runs things with a CPU that processes quintillions of operations in the flap of a hummingbird’s wings.

Okay, there are many days when I feel this way.

I’m not saying we’re artificially generated beings with a predestined flight pattern that takes us from conception to calamari with nary a wiggle’s worth of holy shitake with which to rewrite the final score. Nah, that’s too orthodox for the trip we’re keeping to. The fact that we hurt and we ache and we bleed means we’re more like organic compositions with enough roust for the joust.

Truth be told, the mysteries of creation are as infinite as Nick Saban’s recruiting list. I grew up believing the world had been fetched from a fledgling filament that filibustered its way out of a galactic dark room. Some of the most brilliant students of the cosmos, and Albert Einstein, have disagreed with this theory. Their argument, put simply, is that you ain’t getting something out of nothing.

That’s where my matrix idea comes in. It exists in plain sight because we’re so busy contemplating how we got here that we never considered why. Thousands of years ago, the search for that first dusty footprint involved serious old men sitting around smoking their brains trying to figure out who rolled this joint into being. Hundreds of years ago, that search resulted in the invention of the telescope which allowed for a nuanced interrogation of the stars. Last year, on Christmas Day no less, the James Webb space telescope was launched. And as captivating as the images it captured were, when it comes to the biggest question of all, humankind is still . . wait for it . . in the dark.

I happen to believe we were highjacked by a more advanced species at some point in our distant or not so distant past. This holistic takeover was undertaken in the name of what else? Science! These superior beings, we’ll call them Martians for lack of a less dramatic name, rolled us across this plush swatch of green like a hot pair of dice at a high stakes table. Which makes us a templated test kit that grew out of its britches with a reckless ferocity, much to the delight . . . or dismay, of our silent masters. I guess they’ll sic one of those asteroids on our asses if it’s the latter. I don’t know and you don’t know and neither do those white lab coats, in spite of their caviar budgets and champagne trips to the outer limits.

But when I question things, it’s not God I’m sitting across from. It’s the million little tells we overlook because we’re so busy trying to crack the cosmic case, the same way Agent Kujan swung right through the hanging fastballs Verbal Kint was serving up in The Usual Suspects. 

A top five list of things that make me go What’s up with That? . . . Okie.

1- Glitching- As defined, this means an unusual occurrence that cannot be logically explained. In the last decade alone, we’ve experienced President Trump, a perennial title contender in Beantown and the image of an ordinary egg that earned the most Instagram likes . . ever.

2-Mirror Images- We get caught up in the idea of doppelgangers while the experts claim the odds of a perfect facial match are one in eight trillion.  But that doesn’t explain how Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley could stand in for each other in the same Broadway production (they haven’t . . I don’t think) and get away with it. My point being, exact replicas are scant but reasonable facsimiles are everywhere. Which is exactly as it would be if we have carbon copies in the cosmos.

3-The Mandela Effect- The dude didn’t die in prison, but many would wager money that he did (I haven’t wagered any dough on this . . . I don’t think). Just as many people grew up reading the Berenstain Bears while many other people grew up reading the Berenstein Bears. Hmmmm.

4- Universal Laws- Says who? Our scientists or some other planet’s game makers? Or is it both?

5- The LA Lakers Magic Johnson vs the Boston Celtics Larry Bird had to have come from a simulation. It was just too fucking perfect.

All I really know for absolute-ish certainty is that we are blood and guts because the Rambo movies told me so. I also know we are incredibly fragile, vulnerable creatures because Hallmark is still in business. And I know we’ve got a soul because opera makes us cry. The rest is going to remain a mystery to me until the lights go out. After which I’ll wake up in a biodome on some space outpost with a huge sign welcoming me to Iowa and rewarding me for my involvement in the Earth project with a million years worth of steak, bourbon and smokes.

I’ll chill with the questions.






41 thoughts on “A Million Miles Away And Closing Fast

  1. Well … I’m not even going to try to dive deep into this philosophy abyss containing a multitude of fabulous analogies. After all, when the explanation of life comes down to Rambo movies and the Webb Telescope, that’s may be the best summary I’ve read since The Painted Lady made a guy’s antenna spin as an explanation of metamorphosis.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Cincy,

      Occam’s Razor is a close shave for a reason, so why not use it? I could’ve mentioned the Jets 6-3 start but that might not age well if they don’t win another game this year.

      The Painted Lady had some pretty wild times, huh?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Another service to mankind, Pilgrim. You have explained and offered proof of what we on the inside know. There will be steaks, bourbon, and smokes at the end of this gig and we are all going to sit around a fire and say, “It just doesn’t get any better than this.” And guess what? It doesn’t. A beautiful post.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. B,

    I love when your brain goes off on these types of tangents. What it is that sends you into these directions is neither here nor there because we get lost in your magnificent prose.

    Feeling part of the matrix makes sense when all we have around us is nonsense. Why the hell not?

    The mysteries of the universe will always remain outside of our reach. Oh, with each new discovery made, a few more questions are answered but a bazillion more are now asked.

    That more advanced species must be wondering why the hell they chose us in the first place. Then again, we must be a helluva crazy experiment to them, eh?

    Glitching would explain sooooo many things. What? Did I miss the IG egg thing? I really am outta da loop.

    A perfect facial match is impossible but bloody hell… they are not the only two who could have played guess which twin I am.

    What up with that whole Bear thing, anyway? Then again. Why did the name of the first Harry Potter book have to be changed from Philosopher’s Stone to Sorcerer’s Stone for the American audience?

    Universal laws always make me wonder… who’s the boss of that?

    Johnson vs Bird really was a perfect rivalry, wasn’t it?

    Now I’m craving a bourbon and a smoke with a certain someone.

    How did I not know the title of this song, while singing along to it?


    Liked by 2 people

    • Q

      I really don’t know how I got here, to tell you the truth. It’s manic and it’s calming at the very same time, as fucking nutty as that sounds.

      It’s a reality we can neither prove nor disprove. Same as religion or the ten point must system in pro boxing.

      We don’t know what we don’t know. So yeah, the merry go round gets busier but in the end, it still ain’t going nowhere fast.

      I think we entertain them. I hope we do.

      The IG egg thing was in response to Kylie Jenner being the grand puta of IG at the time. Some peeps wanted to crash her party by posting the egg and hell if it didn’t work!

      So many, I know. I could’ve used anyone, but I went with perty.

      Because Muricans are simple? Nah . . that can’t be it. Yeah, okay, that’s probably why they changed it.

      Exactly? What is THAT all about?

      Everything about it, almost TOO perfect.

      Clove cigs, Woodford Reserve, good times.

      It’s an oldie. . . now. Wow, doesn’t seem that long ago I was crushing on it for the first time. Damn.


      Liked by 1 person

      • I love your nuttiness. Let’s face it, it’s what keeps you sane (ish).


        I’ll be damned. I really don’t pay attention to a lot of these things, apparently. The things you teach me…

        Nothing wrong with going with perty!

        I read about it because it was bugging me. The ‘Muricans needed it to sound more magical and they didn’t think Philosopher was…

        Really. It’s like the mysterious “They” in they say…

        Almost. Like it was made for film…

        Mmmm… I’m in!

        It is an oldie. When I saw the title of the song, I though, hmmm.. whazzat? Then it started playing and oh. I know that!

        Liked by 1 person

        • It does hold to the ish pretty well.

          I shouldn’t be paying as much attention to certain things as I do, but it’s how my brain gets to stepping. And mango,when it steps sometimes!

          Perty’s good.

          No, it’s not magical enough. Just the same as deep fried Oreos ain’t enough … so we add chocolate syrup and whipped cream and powdered sugar and a stick of butter. Okay, no, we don’t add that last one. But we do offer it deep fried as well. Magical, truly.

          I wonder if they . . are listening.



          Haha! Yeah, I almost went with Sweet Dreams, but then I saw this in my videos.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha ha ha! Were you hungry when you wrote this? There’s a whole lot of food wandering through this post. And where to start? Albert Einstein… Can’t get something from nothing? Isn’t nothing where something begins? I’m just saying… This is the kind of post you want to discuss over several bottles of beer or some really good wine. Kudos

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I watch a number of tv shows and movies which not only feature the concept of time travel, but dabble in the “black arts” known as alternate universes. If there are 50 or so other me’s out there, I would like to trade places with each one of them to try on their universe’s in the event they might be cooler than this one. But, if I were to do that, there can’t possibly be two me’s inhabiting the same universe at one time…can there be? In truth, over the years that whole ‘butterfly effect” has been utilized for storytelling only when it has been convenient, but in fact it is now “allowed” in some circles to see and even talk to yourself in the same universe. I don’t know if I believe we are simulations because that would have to mean there are entities smarter than mankind…oh wait, that HAS to be it…mankind has been anything but smart.

    Liked by 3 people

    • You ever see the show Continuum? It’s about a time traveling detective who goes up against a terrorist group. It ran four seasons and I loved it.

      I would hope I never run into an exact replica with me, because if I do, one of us is going down! Sound dramatic enough?

      Entities smarter than us . . I know it’s hard to believe Bruce. But maybe . . . just maybe?

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Opera will only make me weep if I can’t find the exit. We do have to wonder why there is so much money spent on exploration for so few (zero?) meaningful answers. Pretty pictures, okay. Plenty of those happening right here on our pretty blue ball. My calandra has a stunning image this month of packed together warred grebes that would knock your socks off. (Thank you telephoto lenses)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I dunno?
    So many answers to a slew of questions, but no answer to the one and only question I want answered.
    Will I find out after death? I dunno.

    I like a good mystery, but this one keeps me awake some nights. The cats enjoy those nights.

    I hope I get a great laugh out of what happens!


    Liked by 2 people

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