Joe Pesci Reads Today’s Birthday Horoscope!

Scorpio Zodiac Sign: Horoscope, Compatibility, Careers & More

Yo . . . Scorpio! Ya gonna have a pretty great fucking day, as long as you don’t open ya trap. Because you know what happens when ya start yapping. Somewhere along the line, your brain ain’t communicating with ya mouth and before long, there’s a shit factory happening and you’re producing a surplus! Also, don’t get involved in any property matters today because you’re really not very good at them. Same goes for tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the rest of the year and well . . I hope ya get my fucking point by now.

If ya keep a positive mindset, da sky is da limit. But since it’s damn near impossible for you to do so, keep ya feet on the ground and stay inside all day. But since you don’t get along with common sense . . at all . . if you really wanna face your fears on your special day, go out for Mexican. Invite your in-laws. And oh yeah, do some tequila shots before they get there. Oh shit, nevah mind! I forgot! You did that last night!

At work you might be challenged, but you can use your expertise to problem solve the shit out of any obstacles that come your way. And if that doesn’t work, you can always sleep with da boss. And if that doesn’t work, collecting unemployment for a couple months ain’t the worst thing that could happen. My Uncle Tony did that after he lost his job breaking the kneecaps of degenerate gamblers. Actually, he lost his job because they wasn’t degenerate gamblers, they was late in returning their videos to Blockbuster.

Remember that you only live once. Oh no, that’s not right. You onlyΒ dieΒ once.


22 thoughts on “Joe Pesci Reads Today’s Birthday Horoscope!

  1. Joe,

    My daughter is a Scorpio and I gotta tell ya, Joe. This is pretty fucking accurate. Matter of fact, I’m thinkin’ I’m gonna send it to her!


    Just be nice when you get to the Aries, K? πŸ˜‰

    Canadian Chick

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gee, that’s quite the new age horror scope!
    Funny as all get out. Oops, sorry, Scorpios should stay indoors.


    This is a growing tale, but it’s short right now, so I will just put it in comments.


    Hendrix was my dream job come true.
    It turned into a nightmare, when they fired our original Director. He had bonded tightly with the crew.
    So tightly, that they took him directly to the airport one night after wrap. They told the crew in a meeting while he was on his way out. We were 1/2 way through the shoot.
    The new director kept 1/4 of a page, from what was shot. (about 15 seconds)

    We were going down for 5 days, while the new director was brought to Toronto.
    2 days of shooting Monterey Pop Festival would be up, when we resumed.
    The new director HATED the look of the times, and wanted everyone in black turtle necks and Roots jackets. He hated bell bottoms.
    He fired most of the actors, and hired his own. I had to re-dress most of the cast.
    It was horrible.

    However, he was not allowed to change Hendrix, The Experience, or any other well known music artists of the time.
    This saved me.

    Also, Billy Zane (Michael Jeffries, Hendrix’s rip off manager) was up on the day back. Billy loved what I had chosen for his wardrobe, and managed to convince the director not to change it. Billy was another saving grace. I adored working with him.

    The estate would not let the production use any Hendrix original recordings, whether covers or written by Hendrix.
    Yet, the family licensed out the Hendrix name to put on boxer shorts and golf clubs. We got the boxer shorts for crew gifts. I sent mine to the Good Will.

    I can go on for days and keep adding to this, which is just the tip of the iceberg. So, I will!

    Liked by 1 person

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