The 75th Annual Sorryless NFL Awards Show!

Anybody can dole out an award for the best players and units and teams but it takes a truly demented individual with far too much time on his hands to come up with an awards show that is based entirely on the Seinfeldian Principle: Make something out of absolutely nothing.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .

I Confused Aaron Rodgers Beating The Bears With Michael Myers From Halloween - YouTube

Michael Myers Smooth Stalker Award: This goes to Packers QB Aaron Rodgers, whose shadowy presence threatens the peace of mind of a small mid-western town every fall. Will he return? I kinda hope not, but that’s only because I would love to see him land in Vegas or Nashville. As creepy as this dude can be, he does provide great content and I would be fascinated to see if a change of scenery gets his skillset sizzling again.

Michael Jordan's legendary NBA Finals performances with the Bulls | NBA Highlights on ESPN - YouTube

The MJ Effect Award: After Tom Brady left New England following the 2019 season, I predicted the Patriots would become the football equivalent of the Chicago Bulls. With Jordan in the fold, the previously title-less Bulls fielded some of the greatest teams of all time and won all six of their championships, after which they reverted to their pre-Jordan sad sack ways. Once Tom Brady became the starter in 2001, the Patriots fielded some of the greatest teams of all time and won all six of their championships. In three post Brady seasons, New England has missed the playoffs twice and is no closer to Super Bowl contention than the Detroit Lions. I take that back . . the Lions are way closer.

Nicky Santoro by LJAstudios on DeviantArt

The Nicky Santoro Award: I know what you’re thinking. What in the hell does a vicious gangster whose reign was so messy that he was buried alive in a cornfield have to do with the NFL? Lemme ‘splain. Nathaniel Hackett was the bust of all bosses. He was handed a peach job out west with a club many considered Super Bowl contenders in the Denver Broncos . . . and he went 4-11. Hackett was such a disaster that Denver didn’t wait for the season to end before giving him a pink slip. If I were to offer up any advice to Aaron Rodgers’ former beer buddy, it would be this: Don’t try that again, and stay away from cornfields.

Split (2016) — The Movie Database (TMDB)

Split Personalities Are Exhausting AND Fun Award: The Miami Dolphins stormed out of the gates at 3-0, quickly becoming a chic Super Bowl sleeper. They proceeded to lose their next three games as Tua dealt with injuries and his first concussion. Upon his return, Miami reeled off five straight wins to move to 8-3 and steal first place from the Bills. More injuries and another Tua concussion resulted in five straight losses before they won their regular season finale to finish 9-8 and make the playoffs for the first time in six seasons. So if the pattern continues, Miami will streak to a Super Bowl victory. Which of course, ain’t happening unless M. Night is writing it.

Trevor Lawrence injury update: Jaguars QB listed as questionable in Week 14 - DraftKings Nation

House Lannister Head of Hair Award:  Honorable mentions go out to Alex Anzalone, Andreas Knappe and George Kittle for supplying medieval locks that would likely fetch them roles in Game of Thrones. But there was really only one choice to be had when it came to House Lannister and it’s the dude who successfully guided Jacksonville to the playoffs in his second season. Trevor Lawrence looks like a Lannister, and if he keeps balling the way he did in the second half of the year? He’s gonna be NFL royalty before too long.

Urban Meyer bar video: Keeps getting worse for Jaguars coach

Urban Meyer Was Even Worse Than We Thought Award: The Jacksonville Jaguars were a league worst 3-14 last year and to say they were a tire fire would be insulting to tire fires. Meyer went 2-11 before the team cut bait with him after he played a game of “Santa’s Magic Lap” with a woman at a bar who was not his wife. Enter former Eagles head coach Doug Pederson and Voila! . . . the Jaguars tripled their win total AND won the division. When reached for comment on his former team’s resurgance, Meyer said “I feel like an ass . .

Bills safety Damar Hamlin released from Cincinnati hospital, returns to Buffalo for further treatment - ABC News

Homecoming Of The Year Award: Yeah, we’re only ten days into 2023 but I gotta believe there isn’t going to be a better homecoming than the one Damar Hamlin made yesterday when he returned to Buffalo. One week after going into cardiac arrest in the first quarter of the Bills game against the Bengals, Hamlin bid adieu to his adopted city of Cincinnati and returned home. Ironically, both towns share the nickname “The Queen City”. And now they’ll have joint custody of a young man whose fight rallied a country with three simple words.

Love For Damar

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48 thoughts on “The 75th Annual Sorryless NFL Awards Show!

  1. That #7 pick in Vegas looks kinda nice. I bet that could be flipped for a year of Rodgers. Just get him out of here.

    Not that I’m unappreciative of his HOF career. I just can’t do the drama anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

      • I actually have a theory about how they completely lose it after a certain numbers of years and games in the cold. Brett came from Mississippi, Aaron from Cali… these guys aren’t built for this. At some point, they were destined to send lewd pics to random women and steal welfare funds and trip out on Shaman acid to meet the The Hat Man on the “other side.” It’s just science.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Man, they waited a LONG time for their Mr. Hydes to come out! But yanno, when you put it that way, Aaron is definitely the lesser of these two boll weevils. And if you turn the sound down when he’s talking, no problem.

          That said, I like your idea of Vegas. Lots.

          Like

  2. Great awards show, Pilgrim. The Mike Myers award was my favorite. You hit upon the truth in the MJ effect. It is real. Trevor Lawrence has a future in romance novel cover work. Urban Meyer… ugh spit. On the other side of brightness is Love for Damar. I really like that photo.. I think you ought to figure out a Tina Turner award. Then she will be here each year.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aaron is a great talent but he has come up short in the big games more times than not. I’m not holding it against him but just saying.

      The Patriots ARE the Bulls, I’m telling ya.

      That’s true! Bahahaha! I cannot unsee his face on a Harlequin book jacket now.

      You could say Jacksonville experienced and “Urban Renewal” this year . . .

      Here’s to Damar.

      Tina huh? I’ll book passage for you with another one of her tilts sometime soon Boss. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. B,

    You are on a roll! And there is nothing wrong with the Seinfeldian Principle – they were rather successful…

    Rodgers is the perfect recipient for the MMSS Award. A change of scenery… as if it would change who he is.

    Methinks the Pats deserve the MJE Award. No doubt ’bout that!

    I think I have to rewatch Casino. You refer to it too often and I feel like a putz. That said, I completely get the analogy so, yes. Hackett deserves the NS Award.

    Hahaha! Are you sure the Dolphins don’t have competition for the SPAEAF award? Nah… you right. You right.

    Buahahaha! Love it! HLHoH Award. That pretty boy Lawrence could be a replacement for oh… what’s his name on the cover of all those romance novels… Fabio! That’s it!

    Can’t get away from that prick, can we? UMWEWTWT Award… Can it really be given to anyone else?

    Hamelin deserves Queen City Homecoming and so much more.

    You can never go wrong with Tina. ‘Specially this one for this post!

    Q

    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      Sushi? Veggie? Egg? What kind of roll we talking? And yes, when it comes to that show, it works!

      Aaron Rodgers is interesting as all get out to listen to because you really never know what he’s going to say. I can imagine fans of the teams don’t WANT to know at this point, but I don’t mind.

      The Pats are the Bulls of the football world. Before Brady came along, they were a flea market in cleats, basically.

      I don’t think I will ever watch Casino again, on purpose anyways. It was fine but not of the best, not close.

      No team was streakier than the Dolphins this season. And now they go to Buffalo . . yikes.

      That too!

      He’s going to end up taking a college job somewhere and winning. Because the man can coach them up in the college ranks, where players are more apt to listen to his BS.

      Wouldn’t it be something if he was on the sidelines for the Bills should they make the Super Bowl?

      Sheriff loves Tina, so this was a hit!

      B

      Liked by 1 person

      • Whichever one your tastebuds are craving! And it does!

        I have to admit, I’ve never listened to him speak…

        I believe you. Ain’t faring well at all now.

        I watched it once. Can barely remember it, to be honest.

        I shall reserve judgment till after the first quarter… maybe halftime.

        😉

        We must give credit where it is due. He’s an ass of a human but a good college coach.

        That would be fabulous!

        You always pick’ em!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I might roll ’em all up into one flavorific tsunami. Because why not?

          Winston Churchill he ain’t. He’s more like Dude Lebowski with honors. I wouldn’t go out of my way to grab a listen but if you happen upon him speaking on something, take five. It’s entertaining if nothing else.

          They made it to a clean slate of games. Lots of ifs between them and a Lombardi, but it’s better than not having a chance. And seriously, if we lose to the Bills? No shame in that.

          I watch a movie like Casino and it just gets me yearning a better gangster flick.

          Let him go to Nebraska. They need and deserve a winning program, which he will give them. In about five years, he’ll ride off into the sunset after the school is hit with multiple violations under his watch. It will be fun while it lasts.

          I always try 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Cheers to you for having too much time on your hands. After all, I know I couldn’t come up with this kind of stuff. My favorite – the Mike Meyers Award. Dissing on Urban Meyer is a good thing because he was a mega-flop with the Jags … and now they are in the playoffs.

    Gotta love the Damar story! Love the fact that he cheered so much doing the opening kickoff return, he triggered all the ICU alarms. Wishing the best on the next phase of his recovery.

    Although I have no idea what to call it, an award to Josh McDaniels. Isn’t this his second time around? Known for his offensive mind, this time he took a team that made the playoffs last year & not only flopped, he offense sucked more than any Dyson product.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aaron is appointment YouTube for me. Well not really, but I will listen to his views on life every once in a while if for no other reason than it makes me feel smarter?

      And I’ve a feeling Urban is going to be on a college sideline sooner than later. And winning again. It’s his jam. The pros were always a bad idea for this amateur.

      Ha! I did not know that!

      I would have included him but for the fact this is typical Raiders. They have a good year followed by a flop, over and over again. The glory years of Plunkett and Flores and Allen . . . forty years ago!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope Aaron is around next year because he is so wonderfully polarizing, but perhaps it is time for him to let Green Bay go and try a year or two in another climate i.e. Tom Brady. That being said, I hope he makes his desires known soon because if we have to go through five more months of trying to read his mind I may lose my own. I seem to recall after just a few weeks, the Broncos had to hire someone to help Nathaniel Hackett manage time outs. That is what we call a very bad sign for the head coach in question. I really thought Denver would be better this year because of Russell going there to “cook.” Doug Pederson is the best thing that could have happened to Trevor “Golden Locks” Lawrence. If Lawrence can become a top-flight QB in the League, Doug will get him there. Didn’t look very good last week, but I think better days are ahead for both of those gentlemen. We in Philly never wanted to see Doug go, but glad he’s still in the game.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aaron Rodgers wasn’t great this year, and yeah, with all the other stuff he brings . . it’s not worth all that if your team ain’t even making January. I hope he goes elsewhere.

      Hackett was this year’s Urban Meyer. He had no business being out there as a head coach in the first place.

      Yanno, I wasn’t sure about Pederson as nut as that sounds. I mean, I knew he was solid but I wondered if he would be able to have any success in his second stop. I actually did have doubt. Which is why I would be a perfect analyst!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hackett received at least a 10 game pass as far as I am concerned. The guy was worse than a bad coach. Bottom line IMHO, the league deserves no awards. I’m so over rewarding a $15B biz when they continue to poke the eye of Average Joe TV watcher/fan.

    Liked by 1 person

    • As I said to Bruce, Hackett had no business on a sideline as the man in charge. He should’ve stayed drinking buddies with Aaron in Green Bay.

      It’s why I don’t give any of my money to the league. I don’t buy merch, I don’t go to games and I’ll never have a subscription service. I watch a game here and there and that’s about the extent of if.

      Liked by 1 person

          • Seems like the NFLPA is also part of the problem. While the owners and the league fiddle, the NFLPA goes to the ends of the earth defending players who should not be allowed to play after repeated and egregious violations of domestic violence or other legal infractions, singing tra-la-la-la, la, la…with its hands over its ears. Talk about dysfunctional.

            Liked by 1 person

          • As I said back in the PED days of major league baseball, the union reps did a disservice to the clean players by not taking the guys using the junk to task.

            Different leagues, same nonsense.

            Liked by 1 person

  7. You are so brilliant and I feel bad for saying this – but tired of the Hamlin hype – it did need all of the attention and glad we have his recovery – but…. what about the officers that died in the like of duty? This is not my idea – but on one site a poster noted two cops that died the same day Hamlin passed out – and they said the LEO giving their life in the line of duty gets no news and entertainment athletes get millions added to their fundraiser (something like that) and at the time I wasn’t getting their point – but now I do
    -//
    Love the awards and this one – Split Personalities Are Exhausting AND Fun Award for the Dolphins –
    And we really do not know will happen in the game because surprises Happen all the time –
    So let’s see

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is a perspective I hadn’t thought of. It speaks to our celebrity worshipping society though. As far as Hamlin goes, it’s remarkable that he is already back home and I’m glad for him and his family.

      As for the game? Odd. Interesting. Riveting. It was actually a game! I’m happy for the Bills and proud of my Dolphins.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes – i am glad Hamlin didn’t die like 1,180 (approximately ) other athletes have – (there are videos of players dropping dead in the last 18months and everyone isn’t sure what causes this recent surge but are Quick to insist it isn’t that “one” thing – sigh!!

        And so I am glad Hamlin’s fundraiser went from 2,000 (failing to reach the goal of 2,500) and now is in the millions – and I believe prayer made a difference to save his life (IMHO)
        But another thing that had me thing today was seeing that Rihana wasn’t sure she wanted to perform in superbowl
        She said “I can’t believe I said yes”
        And you know –
        This is our culture – billionaire singer invited to have one of the biggest platforms in the world and she was hesitant and then sort of grappling with saying yes!
        Sigh!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hamlin’s charity donations were divvied up so that they could spread the wealth. That was nice to see.

          If pressed, I could not name a single Rihanna song. And I wish she would have said no because really, nobody would miss her.

          Liked by 1 person

          • My husband asked me if I could name a Rhianna song and I couldn’t at first and then I remembered “umbrella – brella” and some really old overplayed one about if the bones are good?
            But I guess many of her tunes have international appeal and her many years of success led to the billionaire status
            So at least it is not like when they had The Weekend (omg! I think that was a terrible choice for many reasons)
            With all that said
            I think she will do a nice performance and it might be really great
            But hopefully she is grateful because there are many that would have been honored to have the chance for this opportunity

            Okay – hope you are having a nice stat to the week

            Liked by 1 person

  8. One more thing about Hamlin –
    Did you notice before he went down that the game was very aggressive
    ?
    I think the bengals were playing way too aggressive and while it might not have had anything to do with Hamlin
    There were a few plays that alarmed us!
    For example a a few minutes before the Hamlin incident
    One of the bengal players rolled on Josh Allen’s leg and ankle and he was shaking it out!
    I just felt a spirit of aggressiveness and think we would have seen a major injury in that game at some point – and fi think Hamlin’s emergency might have prevented something very ugly

    Liked by 1 person

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