If You Come From The Future, Keep It To Yourself

I dig talking about time travel. Probably because I think the day and age I live inside of doesn’t necessarily fit me. It’s as if I was dropped in the wrong cosmic mailbox and I’m simpling my Simon in a search for answers that are always gonna escape me.

That said, I wouldn’t want to be a time traveler. Sure the change of scenery might do me good, but I’m not loving my chances of convincing the people back there that I come from another time. It works in the movies since the characters only have an hour and a half to work with before the credits roll. But in reality? You best keep your chronological zip code to yourself.

Just imagine you were dropped off on a curb in the year 2000 with nearly a quarter century head start. And all you gotta do is convince those peeps that our gangster’s paradise by the dashboard light is, in fact, some true shit.

Buena suerte trying to get them to believe in all of this . . or even some of this . . or hell, any of this.

  • The World Trade Center is gone
  • Joe Paterno was fired in a child rape scandal involving his assistant
  • A device named the iPhone will run people’s lives
  • And that device? Will have many friends
  • The Boston Red Sox will win the World Series . .  four times
  • The New England Patriots will win the Super Bowl . . six times
  • Even crazier than those two? The Cubs win one as well!
  • OJ Simpson is lame sauce in our current news cycle
  • “America’s Dad” Bill Cosby is a convicted rapist
  • Blockbuster is long gone but Netflix is still here
  • Oh yeah, lemme explain streaming services . . .
  • . . . and Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok
  • Roe v Wade was overturned. No, I’m totally serious
  • Eminem won an Oscar
  • The Harry Potter craze had legs
  • And don’t even get me started on Star Wars
  • A virus will bring the world to its knees in 2020
  • There are 20 K-Marts still standing in the US
  • But K-Mart playlists are alive and well on YouTube
  • Oh yeah . . about YouTube . . .
  • Music has gone digital, although some diehards still do vinyl
  • Books too, although some diehards still do the real thing
  • Newspapers are still popular, for housebreaking puppies
  • Landlines are still popular, in Pittsburgh
  • Everyone has a laptop
  • It’s easier to win the lottery than it is to find a water fountain . . .
  • . . pay phone, toll booth attendant or newspaper vending machine
  • Tom Cruise. Still an action star
  • Crypto is the new televangelism. So is politics
  • Ozzie Osbourne. Still kicking
  • Zombies are box office
  • Oh yeah, and Donald Trump was President. That too

See what I mean? I gave y’all a small sample size and it doesn’t matter because there is still way too much bite and way too little chew with which to make sense of it all. Because those elusive answers to those pesky questions ain’t looking to be found.

The cosmos uses invisible ink.


35 thoughts on “If You Come From The Future, Keep It To Yourself

  1. Don’t forget home mortgages will cripple the economy and a picture of a dress will make us all question if we know what colors are.

    Nate Bargatze does a great bit about how he’d travel back in time and wouldn’t be able to prove he’s from the future cause they’d ask him to explain things. Could any of us really explain a cell phone to someone from a hundred years ago without sounding crazy?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t do that dress again. Please don’t make me do that dress again TB!

      Hell, I have a hard time explaining a cell phone to my mother, so no . . I don’t think Imma be teaching any 101 classes on the topic.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. B,

    You feel you don’t belong, eh? Maybe you have been here before or some time else.

    Time travel is great. In the movies. But it’s always way too heavy on the “make sure you don’t fuck anything up coz you might disappear” thing.

    Reading your list does make the head spin, doesn’t it? And like you said, this sample size is pretty exhaustive and I know I’d have to really think hard on what to add.

    It’s crazy. Our grandparents or even great-grandparents went through so many technological changes from 1900 to 1950. But man, oh man, it does seem our last almost quarter century has been jaw-dropping.

    Perfect choice of tune, as per!


    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great tune to have playing while going over that list, and it is an impressive one. Mrs. Chess and I are suckers for time travel shows and movies, and yet we pick them apart when the “butterfly effect” is ignored over and over again, even while the characters are warning about changing history. Truth IS stranger than fiction according to what you outlined here!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t imagine going back in time. Well, okay I imagine it all the time. But I would never actually want to go back in time. It would be like walking through a fine china boutique in a suit of armor. Yikes!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow! My head is spinning. That’s quite “The” list you comprised Marc.
    That makes me need to go draw!
    Hey, I didn’t do that back then, so there’s another on for me!


    Liked by 1 person

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