And The Award Goes To . . . Madness!

We are hot on the tail of the troublesome ides of March, when the moon and the stars and the spirit of Caesar’s ghost come out to challenge that pain in the ass groundhog to a winner take all title fight for the rites to spring. So I decided to marry the Academy Awards to March Madness, since I didn’t shimmy to their gimme this year.

In lieu of the some somethings of gold and hardwood, I settled a few meddlesome debates that had been taking up residence in my brain once and for all now. And no, I won’t be discussing the Lebron vs Jordan debate since that was never a debate to begin with. Jordan wins!

Let’s get down with it . . .

Academy Awards Host: Bob Hope vs Billy Crystal

Imma place these two Hollywood icons at top of the list because their names are synonymous with the event; Hope hosted the Oscars 19 times to Crystal’s 9. The next closest celebrity in terms of appearances is Johnny Carson with 5, so there’s that.

Hope and Crystal are Emcee Squared.

Honestly, this is sort of like pitting the Yankees against the Dodgers, because there ain’t a wrong answer. For yours truly however, there is a right answer and it’s Crystal. He made the thing his job, practicing months in advance for the big night, and it showed. And whereas Hope oftentimes shared the hosting duties with other luminaries, Crystal went solo every turn. And in an age where comedic dialogue was becoming infinitely more complicated, Crystal never once stepped on a mine. He was old school meeting present day and he always framed the evening perfectly.

Winner: Crystal

Best late seventies debate that wasn’t: Rock vs Disco

I loved them both, but the truth of the matter is there wasn’t much debate outside of the pockets of dead heads who were simply looking to pick a fight with disco lovers. I loved to point out how Bowie and Pink Floyd, among many others, incorporated plenty of disco into their rock classics.

Winner: Both

Best Super Bowl bet: Miami Dolphins vs Dallas Cowboys

I chose these two since they’re so adept at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Over the past quarter century, these franchises have gone from gold standards to snake-bitten also rans. And . . . stop me if you’ve heard this one: They’re chic picks to make the Super Bowl next season.

Before this week, Dallas was looking at 16-1 odds to make it to Vegas for Super Bowl 58 while Miami was at 35-1. But whereas the ‘Boys have to knock out the NFC Champion Eagles, the Dolphins will be facing a Bills team that very well may have peaked. Beyond that, Dallas has a much easier road to Vegas if they beat Balboa, and I don’t care. Because I think the Dolphins are going to clinch home field, and I think they’re going to go against the script this year and actually win it all.

Winner: Miami Dolphins

Best Pizza: Chicago Deep Dish vs a New York slice

There was a period of time when I actually switched allegiances to the deep dish after discovering Edwardo’s Natural. Their spinach pie is still one of my favorite foods, like . . ever. But if we’re talking pizza and not a casserole dish, it has to be New York. Add to that the fact that Edwardo’s was the only pizza joint I really frequented in Chicagoland. In New York, my pie chart had many branches to choose from.

Winner: A New York slice

Best James Bond: Sean Connery vs the field

It’s one hell of a field to be sure, with such marquee fashion plates as Roger Moore, David Niven and Pierce Brosnan. But I’m bringing a different perspective to this debate since I never cared for the franchise until Daniel Craig made the scene. All Craig did was turn Bond into Jack Bauer with a much more impressive wardrobe. Apologies to Connery fans but this one was easy for me.

Winner: The field (Craig)

Best Chicken Sammie: Popeyes vs Chick-fil-A

For transparency sake, I should let you know I boycotted Chick-fil-A for good after Dan Cathy publicly condemned same sex marriage before the 2012 national election. He can believe whatever he wants, but it was wrong to air that shit out, especially when your company serves everyone, gay people included.

That said, Chick-fil-A makes a hell of a sandwich and yes, I found the loophole to my boycott by partaking on someone else’s dime, which I have done three or four times since my self instituted boycott. And I would be plenty fine choosing them if I felt their sammie was the best, but here’s the thing. Their nuggets are way better than their sandwich. Popeyes wins this one rather easily because their selection is a better crunch and a way more delicious munch.

Winner: Popeyes

Best President Ever: Lincoln vs Trump

That is my way of saying I’ve run out of shit to debate with myself. My apologies to Honest Abe and common sense.

Winner: Stupid people everywhere


49 thoughts on “And The Award Goes To . . . Madness!

  1. Ha ha ha! I don’t know where to start. I don’t know about most of what you talked about or I’m trying not to. I liked Bob Hope but I remember laughing harder with Crystal. I don’t know sports and I haven’t eaten Chicago or New York pizzas. But I like pizza. Oh well, I would still share a beer with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Billy Crystal was great at hosting the event because he took it that seriously. The fact that he hasn’t been asked back in over ten years means they were looking to go in a different direction, and that’s unfortunate.

      What’s not to love, right? Would you believe Detroit does a mean pizza in its own right?

      I’ll raise a toast to that, Pam!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re going all in on the Fins. Must have been the backup QB signing that sealed the deal. The AFC is stacked at the top, and getting there will be a challenge for whomever. Not sure about Dallas, but Jerry Jones will make sure he’s all in. Then again, there is one thing that can screw up Dallas – and that’s Jerry Jones.

    Hope was a classic comedian in his day. But like you said, Crystal was a transition between the old and new. Hope was a master of one-liners, but Crystal was more complex. Crystal for me, too.

    Connery vs Craig would be titanic and difficult. Disco was fun, and influenced rock – and fortunately it didn’t last long. Pizza is a super-food. Can you believe I haven’t been to Popeyes or Chick-fil-A enough to have a choice. But I do know that Popeyes is the official chicken of the Vatican.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Why not? They were as good as any club when they were clicking on all cylinders. I think if they can get that D kicking with Fangio and Ramsey as well as any new additions, it will be a matter of health. Shore up the O line, get a RB or two and I’ll take my chances.

      Crystal will always be my favorite. I hear Kimmel has been rocking it recently, but I really don’t pay much attention to the show these days.

      It would be HUGE!

      Both were good with me.

      Pizza would be in my weekly plans if it was good for me!

      Blessed by the Pope himself!


  3. Have to admit, I’d vote for ANY team over Dallas. Plain and simple. Besides having Herschel Walker on their team, don’t even get me started about Michael Irvin (a couple of the players everyone outside The Lone Star State loathes for various reasons), nobody beats the ’72 Miami Dolphins. Hands down (and best of luck this year). It is gonna be hard sell for me to get on the “Prime Time” train with the CU Buffs but he’s generated a lot of buzz in the state. We’ll see-my jury is out on that one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Michael Irvin who insists he did nothing wrong, yet again? I mean, how many times does this guy find trouble?

      I will go for that Monika!

      Sanders has moved into the biggish time now with CU. I am with you, the jury is out.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. B

    I read this last night and was gonna comment but decided I should sleep. I shoulda commented… 🙄

    D’you know I ended up googling “The Ides of March” because it’s one of those things we know but don’t? And, did you know I was planning on mentioning the Academy Awards in my post then completely forgot in all my blathering?

    Billy Crystal all the way for me. The man made it such an event by putting so much time into it. Hasn’t been the same, since. And Monday’s Jimmy Kimmel came very short. Not funny. At al.

    I think you are right. Disco and Rock have been an interracial duo since Disco showed up to boogie to guitar solos. Why be a hater?

    Well now. That is a no-brainer. Of course Miami Dolphins for the win!

    Believe it or not, when I spent my three days in Chicago, we never ended up having a deep-dish. I know, I know, what the hell is wrong with us? It was a miserable, rain-filled few days and when we had to run in to escape said rain? It was in an Italian bar, tended by an Irish lad. How can you beat that? Besides, I have a really special place for Grimaldi’s so. New Yawk wins!

    While I enjoyed Roger, once Pierce came along, I preferred him. Sean was before I was into the bonds and while I bitched and complained when blondie Daniel came into the pic? He took ownership of the role and took it to a whole ‘nother level. Daniel Craig for the win!

    Being a Canadian, more specifically, a Quebecer, I couldn’t even tell you the diff between Popeyes and Chick-fil-A, having sampled neither. And I coulda sampled Chick Fil-A at the airport, but, as you know, they are stupid and closed on Sundays, so, my dollars went to Five Guys instead.

    Yeah, let’s not even touch that prez one.

    Excellent tune, of course!


    Liked by 1 person

    • Q

      Sleep! Always most importante!

      The Oscars has lost a ton in my humble opinion. Sure, Kimmel has done a fine job as host and yes, the movies and stars are still interesting, but I dunno . . I used to watch it every year. It was the only awards show I watched. But now? Nope.

      Oh, you didn’t like Kimmel huh? See, I have never seen him host so I was only going off what I read. Interesting.

      Crystal will always be my favorite host.

      Never. No reason to. I loved them both back in the day. Rock more? Sure, but still.

      Miami is going to win it all.

      As long as you didn’t eat at Applebees when you were in Chitown, no worries. I mean, the deep dish is one of many, many choices in that town. It’s a big food town so if you don’t do deep dish, it doesn’t matter.

      Lots of memorable Bonds, but yeah, for me Craig is the reason I started paying attention to the franchise.

      Five Guys was a great choice! Inspired even!

      No please. No.



      Liked by 1 person

  5. Brilliant minds can not only agree but disagree. I was checking all of these boxes off as you did until we got to the Popeye’s – Chick-fil-A face-off. I have a bit of a “problem” when it comes to The Chick. I love their product soooo much. I do get the attraction to Popeye’s, but The Chick got its hooks into me early on and I’d have to go to chicken rehab to convert to Popeye’s. It was ironic you mentioned allegiance at one time to deep dish because I was in the same boat. Eventually, I have come around to appreciate a regular slice so much more…perhaps because I can eat more of them at one time lol. I like what the Fins are doin’, my man. This might be your/their year!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I get that, and I respect it Bruce. Have you had the Chick nuggets? They are like crack, I’m telling you. I had them at work a few years back and I had to leave the offices because I wasn’t going to stop eating the little buggers.

      A good slice of pie is divine, and it has once again become my jam.

      I love what Miami has done, and now I cross my fingers and ask that the football Gods bless them with health.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Bob Hope vs Billy Crystal —- Billy Crystal — (honestly, I don’t recall ever watching The Oscars with Bob Hope

    Rock vs Disco — Both

    Miami Dolphins vs Dallas Cowboys —- Huh?

    Chicago Deep Dish vs a New York slice — I have no experience in this realm

    Chicken Sammie: Popeyes vs Chick-fil-A — Both Losers — Tofu vs avocado wins! I once had a pet turkey. I’ve never been the same.

    Lincoln vs — just can’t say both their names in the same sentence.

    FAB, fun post, Marc!


    Liked by 1 person

    • He hosted it during WW2 and then he kinda stuck around, but he always hosted with others after that, I believe. Whereas Crystal, he went solo and he always nailed it.

      You understand the love!

      Go Miami.

      Go New York. But IF you go Chicago, it’s also a win.

      Love the avo, and yes, my daughter has me eating tofu from time to time. She does it up deliciously.

      No, and we never should do that again.

      Gracias lovely.


      Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree with the New York pizza as winner and Billy Crystal
    I love how you said he never stepped on a mine !

    So much to enjoy here with the sorrykess depth, wit, culture, and humor

    Liked by 1 person

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