Still Perfectly Frank: Dec ’22

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With one month ending and another starting, Imma asked me to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in with some random thoughts. Thanks to Marc for the space.

November delivered unrest in Iran & China, continuing Russia-Ukraine conflict, a time for a new World Series champion, new Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees, a new NHL scoring record for a player on one team, US midterm elections, the temporary ending of the relentless flood of campaign ads on TV, a record Powerball lottery drawing that I didn’t win, a dead guy winning an election in Pennsylvania (yep), discovering the oldest decipherable sentence on an ivory comb, violence at universities in Virginia and Idaho, Artemis rocket reaching the moon, a massive snowstorm in Buffalo (80 in/203 cm), a grumpy old man in Florida announcing, and politicians saying stupid shit.

November deaths included several rappers, international athletes & musicians, Top Gun‘s Sundown, Corporal LeBeau, R&R HOF inductee (group), an Academy Award & Grammy-winning sing-songwriter, and people dying from gun violence, natural disasters, and war.

I mentioned the World Series, a special congratulations to Astros manager Dusty Baker. With a solid playing career, many years as a coach and manager, and one of the game’s class acts, he won his first championship as a manager. Well done, Dusty!

November was a time when my wife went to Iceland with a few lady friends with hopes of seeing the Northern Lights. They had a great trip but didn’t see the lights. Meanwhile, I stayed home to do two things: whatever I want, whenever I want.

November was the month I posted about my escapade with the postal service. The story didn’t end there. Last Friday (25th Nov) I received notification that I now hold dual citizenship! Meanwhile, USPS reports my mail to the Italian Consulate is still lost.

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In case you missed it, here are a few November headline gems from The Onion:

  • Man Inspects Perimeter To Find Most Vulnerable Entry Point To Hamburger
  • Skydiver With Malfunctioning Parachute Does One Last Scan For Trampoline
  • Half-hearted Nod by Uber Driver Interpreted as Invitation to Discuss Eugenics
  • Artemis Rocket Carrying Mannequins to Determine Viability of Department Stores on Moon
  • High School Anatomy Book Shows Female Reproductive System Wearing Long Denim Skirt

Try the Combo Challenge. By using only the words in the above headlines, create your headline, then share it in your comment. My combo appears later in this post.

I find this to be funny, but others may not. Click if you dare.

Did you know pears are native to Asia and Europe, and there are over 3000 varieties found in many places?

Wondering: Which will happen first: a civil war in the US or a US war with China?

Do you remember Ralphie Parker in A Christmas Story? Did you know he was the Executive Director of Iron Man? See him now as Peter Billingsley’s Note to Self from CBS.

Because today starts a new month, it’s time for an overview of some of the celebrations December has to offer. Here is the complete list of December celebrations.

Monthly celebrations for December include bingo, pears, ties, pharmacists, buckwheat, and safe toys.

December is also a month to increase your awareness about AIDS and human rights.

Weekly toasts in December include cookie cutters (1-7) hand-washing awareness (4-10), Halcyon Days (14-28), Cookie Exchange (19-23), and It’s About Time (25-31)

Day celebrations in December include cookies (4th), bathtub parties (5th), toilet paper appreciation (8th), Kaleidoscopes (11th), Chocolate-Covered Anything (16th), Sangria (20th), Solstice and Orgasms (21st), Festivus (23rd), Bacon (30th), and Make Up Your Mind Day (31st). Here’s the complete list of celebrations for December.

December Moons: Full (Cold Moon, Long Nights Moon) 7th/8th Dec – New Moon 23rd Dec

Back in the day, the holiday season wasn’t official until I saw this commercial.

The Army-Navy football game annually demonstrates how the game is supposed to be played: hard, team-oriented, and not bringing attention to self. The tradition will be on December 10th

Beware: McRib’s Farewell Tour at McDonald’s is a setup for a Reunion Tour.

My Combo: Uber driver wearing long parachute skirt carrying invitation to vulnerable man with rocket to inspect mannequin’s reproductive system entry point (but I admit adding an apostrophe)

December is the month for what I say is the best 2 hours of network-televised entertainment. For me, the Kennedy Center Honors show is must-see television. Mark your calendars for Wednesday 28th December. This year’s honorees are George Clooney, Amy Grant, Gladys Knight, Tania Leon, and U2.

Enjoy this great Kennedy Center Honors performance from the past. Have a good December everyone. I’m out of here. Happy Antarctica Day!

Unbelievably, This is True

The facts in this story are real because I couldn’t make this stuff up on my best day or under the influence of alcohol. Marc is capable, but not me.

Several years ago, I decided to seek something that I’ve thought about for most of my life – dual citizenship in Italy. I scheduled my 1st Sept 2022 meeting at the Italian Consulate two years earlier. I drove over 4 hours to hear, “The person you need to see left early due to a personal emergency.” After waiting two years, I was stunned, but they took all my documents. Then came my encounter with the United States Postal Service (USPS).

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(Fri 30th Sept) I mailed via Priority Mail additional documents the consulate requested a few days earlier.

(Sat 1st Oct) Following the tracking number, the mail arrived at a Detroit mail distribution center. The consulate should receive it Monday – Tuesday at the latest.

(3rd-6th Oct) The mail is still at the Detroit sorting center, but I can’t do anything because of a USPS timeframe rule for filing an inquiry.

(Friday 7th Oct) The hell with their timeframe! I talked to my local USPS post office, who provided a phone number that didn’t work, and then the postmaster didn’t return my call. I searched online and found a toll-free number for Customer Service. I got a helpful agent. He told me the process but said not to expect action until Tuesday or Wednesday because Monday (11th Oct) is a Federal holiday, which would be the day we depart for France.

I told him I was leaving the country for 2 1/2 weeks and I would be without a phone – so he wrote instructions for further communications with me must be by email.

(8th-12th Oct) I continued to see no change in tracking, and never received a report by email from Customer Service – which also means I have to move the issue to Consumer Affairs to continue the process – not USPS Customer Service – but I’m in France without phone service. Now that is government efficiency at its best!

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(Thurs 13th Oct) I received an email from USPS. “To serve you better in the future, we would like your feedback about the service you received on case number 123456 opened on 10/07/2022.” Really? My response was a reminder they failed to inform me about anything and the mail was still undelivered.

(14th-27th Oct) Not only no response from USPS, I continued monitoring the tracking, which showed no change since 1st Oct. I can’t do anything because I cannot contact Consumer Affairs because I’m still in France.

(Friday 28th Oct) We arrived home at night. Tracking shows no change. Because it’s the weekend, I can’t do anything until Monday.

(Monday 31st Oct) I called USPS Consumer Affairs to initiate their process. (I was on hold for a long time.) Why Customer Service doesn’t automatically pass the problem to Consumer Affairs is beyond me. I explained the situation, and he filed the report and told me what would happen going forward, including hearing from Detroit by Wednesday.

(Tues, 1st Nov) Detroit acknowledged my inquiry by email. That’s a start!

About an hour later, an email from Detroit stated the mailing was lost, but it could be at the lost/damaged mail center in Atlanta. I (of course, not them) have to file an application/request online – which I did immediately.

Shortly after filling the lost mail claim, I received a voicemail from Detroit saying they found it – but it still has to be processed – so continue monitoring the tracking and call if there are any questions. She didn’t state her name but left a phone number.

I called several times – but no answer – not even a voicemail.

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(Wed 2nd Nov) The status has not changed, so I called – but nobody answered again – and again – and again – etc. Then I got lucky – a voice answered. She didn’t sound like the voicemail lady. Oh boy, a chance to repeat the story!

She listened and sounded helpful, but the person she needed to talk to was gone for the day. She would talk to them in the morning, then call me.

(Thur 3rd Nov) I worked that morning and received no phone call. I started calling in the afternoon – and calling again and again. Finally, someone answered – but a different person from the voicemail or yesterday’s talk.

She told me her name, and that she was a supervisor who is unhappy about my situation. She assured me she would personally work on it because she knows the mailing is important because it was going to the Italian Consulate. She said to expect a call from her the next day.

(Fri 4th Nov) No change in the tracking status, which also means it hasn’t been found or processed. The supervisor called to say she contacted the consulate, but they have not answered. Of course, not!

(Mon 7th Nov) – No status change and no phone call.

(Tues 8th Nov) The supervisor called with good news. The consulate received the documents on Monday 3rd October – when I thought they should. They had the documents the entire time, so none of this was necessary!

Weary of the information, I emailed the consulate asking for confirmation. To my surprise, I received a confirmation email within 2 hours. Holy crap! My journey through the postal abyss was unnecessary!

Bottom line: All this happened because USPS failed to scan my mail for tracking. Meanwhile, my patience and persistence prevailed. Yes – patience – I never was rattled.

(Mon 14th Nov) …. and yes, as shown above, my mail is still officially lost. Who you gonna call?

Perfectly Frank: November ’22

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With one month ending and another starting, Imma asked me to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in for some random thoughts. Thanks to Marc for the space.

November 1st is the day after a US lottery of $1 billion, so you are probably hearing the news of one person in Ohio winning the big prize.

I just returned from 17 days in France. A tough task, but I met the challenge. It was great being away from the news and the flood of political ads in my area, so I don’t know much about what happened but I’m confident that politicians said some stupid shit.

A bit of research served as a reminder about Russia-Ukraine, Iranian civil unrest, a new home run record by one of Marc’s heroes, a crazy killing spree in Thailand, a court telling an American conspiracist to pay $1 billion in damages, Liz Truss losing to a head of lettuce, a crowd crush in Seoul, females becoming the majority in New Zealand’s parliament, and Massachusetts naming on official state dinosaur.

October deaths included a country music legend, the designer of the first mask-cage hockey goalie mask, a Golden Globe-Tony winner actress who starred on TV, MLB HOF inductee, an R&R pioneer and legend of Great Balls of Fire, and people dying from gun violence, natural disasters, and war.

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In case you missed it, here are a few October headline gems from The Onion:

  • School budget committee decides to eliminate 4th-grade entirely
  • Scientists find dolphins only other mammal that jet ski for pleasure
  • Man can’t remember what he ran into burning building for
  • Prison warden sadistic but fair
  • Sanitation worker digs around truck for source of weird smell
  • Man suspecting opponent with all queens hustling him
  • Weird bug eaten by weirder bug

Try the Combo Challenge. By using only the words in the above headlines, create your headline, then share it in your comment. My combo appears later in this post.

Wondering: Is incompetence growing?

Did you know normal bone marrow produces 10,000,000,000 red blood cells and 150,000,000 white blood cells every hour?

Our 17-days in France included Paris & Dijon on our own, cruising down the Saone and Rhone rivers tasting wine, and Nice on our own. There were many highlights, but the Carrières des Lumières in Les Baux-de-Provence delivered the biggest surprise. It’s a large cave left from a limestone stone quarry that has been transformed into a magnificent walk-around theater for digital displays on its large walls. We saw Venice (a short clip if interested), but the clip below is from an older show about Gaudi. FYI: For those who have seen the traveling immersions about Van Gogh, Monet, or others, as good as those shows are, they cannot compare to the cave experience!

Because today starts a new month, it’s time for an overview of some of the celebrations on October’s plate. For a complete list of November celebrations, click here.

Monthly celebrations for November include picture books, banana pudding, family stories, pomegranates, memoir writing, sweet potatoes, and vegans.

November is also a month to increase your awareness about diabetes, epilepsy, family adoption, bone marrow, and gluten-free diets.

Weekly toasts in November include figs (1-7), Dear Santa letters (7-13), split pea soup (12-18), and better conversations (20-27).

Day celebrations in November include hockey masks (1), Cookie Monster’s birthday (2), pumpkin destruction (4), origami (11), Roc Your Mocs (15), homemade bread (17), Rocky & Bullwinkle (19), and Slinkies (27). Click here for a complete list.

For anyone wondering, I hope to return to posting my beach walk essays this weekend.

My Combo: Sadistic dolphins eliminate school sanitation worker hustling burning man

Because we were in the land of Van Gogh, I close this edition with a musical tribute to him accompanied by a similar illumination show in Paris. Have a good November everyone. I’m out of here, Happy Calzone Day!

Perfectly Frank: October ’22

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With one month ending and another starting, Imma asked to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in for some random thoughts. Thanks to Marc for the space.

September 2022 delivered fire, floods, earthquakes, the Mar-a-Lago documents legal saga, Blue Origin’s rocket failure, a huge tribute concert, Ukraine-Russia, the UK getting a new monarch and PM, 74th Emmy Awards, transporting immigrants, re-introducing cheetahs into India, a 700th homerun, a 61st homerun, more fake news, and politicians saying stupid shit.

September deaths included musicians, sports figures, a pioneer journalist, and people dying from gun violence, natural disasters, and war.

The world mourned and saluted Queen Elizabeth. A toast to a lady of honor, duty, dignity, respect, peace, class, and more. The funeral was riveting for me.

Tennis is moving one without two of its greats. First Serena Williams, now Roger Federer. Serena won 39 Grand Slam titles, while Federer only won 20. Interestingly, the Big 3 (Federer, Nadal, and Djokovic) won 63 of the last 77 Grand Slam titles. Now that’s dominance!

I started September at the Italian Consulate to begin my dual citizenship process. I drove 4 hours for an appointment I made 2 years ago to be told the person left early for a personal emergency. Oh well, at least they have my papers. Because I was not asked any questions nor had the chance to ask anything, I have no clue what’s next.

In September I learned my state (Ohio) is 4th (out of 50) in the number of reported Bigfoot sightings. I’m so proud.

In case you missed it, here are a few September headline gems from The Onion:

  • Historic preservationists place Eiffel Tower inside jar of formaldehyde
  • Bug crawling on ceiling must be possessed by a demon
  • Pregnancy test probably only lying for attention
  • Referees call for instant replay to admire great call
  • Flamethrower set to mist

A blast from the past. Try the Combo Challenge. By using only the words in the above headlines, create your headline, then share it in your comment. My combo appears later in this post.

In September we watched the opening episode of Our Great National Parks on Netflix. The stunning images and videography will get your attention while “Our” in the title is very fitting. Plus, the narrator won an Emmy for Outstanding Narrator.

For some strange reason, this just came to me. Did you know liver cells are 6-sided?

I missed ushering in September because my wife and I traveled in August. This 2-minute video summarizes our wonderful trip, and the song has great lyrics!

Because today starts a new month, it’s time for an overview of some of the celebrations on October’s plate. For a complete list of October celebrations, click here.

Monthly celebrations for October include apples, bats, black cats, caramel, class reunions, corn, feral hogs, Italian-American heritage, pizza, popcorn, right-brainers, squirrels, and toilet tank repair.

October is also a month to increase your awareness about blindness, breast cancer, bullying prevention, Celiac Disease, domestic violence, Down Syndrome, Dyslexia, global diversity, sarcasm, and the liver.

Weekly toasts include No Salt Week (3rd-10th), School Lunches (9th-14th), Meditation & Chemistry (15th-21st), Asexuality (25th-31st), and Magic (25th-31st)

Day celebrations include Tacos & Vodka (4th), Pierogies & Octopus (8th), Kick Butt (9th), Pasta (15th & 25th), Howl at the Moon (26th), Champagne (27th), Chocolate (28th), Candy Corn (30th), Halloween (31st), and many more. See for yourself.

My Combo: Historic preservationists admire lying demon bug inside pregnancy test

Have a good October everyone. I’m out of here, so enjoy a bit of Buddy Guy. Happy Pickle Day!

Both Sides

That’s a classic song by a classic artist. Joni Mitchell burst onto the music scene during my college days. Since then, her accolades include 10 Grammy Awards, induction into both the Rock & Roll and Songwriters halls of fame, a Kennedy Center honoree, and more – including being on Dale’s Mt. Rushmoor of Female Musicians (who sang and wrote their own songs).

“Both” is an interesting word – one that is on my ideas list for a future beach walk essay. Maybe I’ll draft it next winter at the beach – but I will leave those thoughts for another day. After all, I need the sand and surf to inspire my thoughts.

To me, Both Sides, Now is about perception – how we perceive something based on the situation. How something the same seems different. I think about it as two sides of a coin or two sides of a story.

Much of life is about both – then and now, past and present, before and after. Both sides are even about each of us looking back at something that happened to reflect. Maybe even realizing something totally different now than then – even both sides.

We can create a long list of events involving before-and-after thoughts, but that’s not exactly where I’m going. Anthony Mason of CBS News did this wonderful segment involving respect, will, grit, determination, appreciation, surprise, cheers and tears.

If you watched the story above, you understand my point. If you didn’t, watch below to see Joni Mitchell sing Both Sides, Now at the recent Newport Folk Festival. Joni – surrounded by friends – overcoming a stroke – and singing pretty darn good.

Still Perfectly Frank: 01 Aug 2022

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With one month ending and another starting, Imma asked to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in for some random thoughts. Thanks to Marc for the space.

July’s headlines included more mass shootings, a former Japanese PM assassinated, college football losing its mind, a new UK PM, political unrest in Sri Lanka, failures of the Uvalde police, more unnecessary Russian attacks in Ukraine, Wimbledon, The Open, more Congressional hearings about January 6th, Bennifer marriage, my fourth dose of Covid vaccine, more fake news, and politicians saying stupid shit.

We also remember those who departed us in July 2022: the last Band of Brothers, Sonny Corleone, an F-Troop star, Sopranos actor, composer of the James Bond theme, the first ex-wife of an ex-president, a mouth on Big Mouth, an actor of tough guys, a climate scientist pioneer, an original Star Trek lieutenant, an NBA legend, and people dying from gun violence, natural disasters, and war.

On 12th July, NASA released the first pictures from the James Webb Space Telescope. I’m in awe of images of deep space. Here’s the first collection.

July marked my closest encounter ever with a tornado. Not one, but two! An F2 tornado was 4.5 miles (7.2 km) away and an F1 tornado 2.3 miles (3.7 km) away. Both were way too close for comfort.

This didn’t happen in July, but I learned about it during July, so that’s good enough for me. An Ohio man (my state) was the first person ever diagnosed with a whistling scrotum. As Steven Cobert asked, “Did it forget the words?”

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In case you missed it, here are a few July headline gems from The Onion:

  • Extra-Mad Wife Forces Husband to Sleep on Ottoman
  • Skeptical Doctor Asks Woman Flattened by Steamroller to Rate Pain
  • Wings in Basket from 3 Chickens Who Were Friends
  • Archeologists Discovered “Big Dog” Shirt Christ Wore to Sleep In
  • Insurance Company Swears They Will Get the Next Round
  • Scattered Deaths of Elderly Floridians Expected Throughout the Week

Here’s a blast from the past. Try the Combo Challenge. By using only the words in the above headlines, create your personal headline, then share it in your comment. My combo appears later in this post.

For those desiring information about monkeypox, The Onion provides answers here.

Because we live in the age of “smart” products, readers should consider the Woodbridge B0990S Smart Toilet. It features a built-in bidet, motion-activated open-and-close lid, auto flushing, a heated seat, night light, and a multi-functional remote. Sorry to say, it doesn’t offer a wiping function. But if you have a spare $1200 and Marc won’t give you his address, you may want to consider it.

I always enjoy Steve Hartman’s positive stories on CBS News – but this one about Dexter the dog is amazing … and it delivers a message for everyone.

Because today starts a new month, it’s time for an overview of some of the celebrations on August’s plate. For a complete list of July celebrations, click here.

  • Monthly celebrations for August include cowgirls, goat cheese, panini, crayon collection, and happiness happens.
  • Weekly toasts include Psychic Week (1-5), Buttons (7-13), Weird Contests (14-20), Chef Appreciation (21-27), and Chuckwagon Races (27-9/4)
  • Day celebrations include underwear (5th), root beer floats (6th), prosecco (13th), spumoni (21st), waffle irons (24th), go topless (28th), more herbs-less salt (29th), and many more. See for yourself.

Besides their on-the-field accomplishments, professional athletes tend to make the news after doing something stupid. Unfortunately, that tarnishes the many pro athletics who are good people and even better citizens. Click here for a local story of one of Cincinnati’s finest – Reds second baseman Jonathan India.

I knew I had to use this story when I first saw it. Crescencia Garcia is 102 years old, a Covid survivor, and a member of an all-Black Women unit during WWII – the 6888th – the Six Triple Eight – the only unit of its kind to serve in Europe. This past June, CBS Mornings interviewed her, which they aired a few weeks ago. See it for yourself.

My Combo: Skeptical Steamroller Swears Big Dog Flattened Extra-mad Chicken Wing

Here’s one of my favorite covers of a classic song from a great show I attended years ago. I’m out of here. Merry Loafmas!

Perfectly Frank: July 2022

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With one month ending and another starting, Imma asked to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in for some random thoughts. Thanks to Marc for the space.

June was a month featuring televised hearings about the 6th January insurrection, more mass shootings in the US, Rafael Nadal’s 22nd grand slam title (tennis), The Boss played 2 songs with Coldplay, Thailand legalized Cannabis, LIV Golf lured players with money, annual Tony Award winners, a new US Open golf champ, a sinking stock market, attacks in Ethiopia, Turkey officially changed its name to Türkiye, someone caught the largest freshwater, a major earthquake in Afghanistan, the US Supreme Court overruling Roe v Wade, and politicians saying stupid shit.

We also remember those who departed us in June 2022: Bon Jovi’s bassist, a songwriter who was a member of a popular duet, a teen actor, a political columnist, a racial trailblazer in football, and people dying from gun violence, natural disasters, and war.

June delivered abnormally hot and humid temperatures to Cincinnati. Yuk! However, I was still able to continue my streak of not listening to or seeing one pitch of my beloved Cincinnati Reds. Even after being seated in a restaurant with a big screen within easy eyeshot.

In case you missed it, here are a few June headline gems from The Onion

  • Man Wastes Another Gorgeous Day Being Dead
  • World’s Great White Sharks Call for Immediate Release of all Caged Scuba Divers
  • Left-Wing Group Too Disorganized for FBI to Infiltrate
  • Employee Always Complaining about No Time Off Suddenly Upset about Getting Fired
  • Visa Announces Cards Can Now Be Inserted, Swiped, Tapped, Bent, Clapped, Rolled, Shoved, Thrown, Dangled, Slid, Or Whacked

This meeting of two trailblazers is touching. One never knows what will happen when two female baseball announcers get together. Thanks, Steve Hartman!

Because today starts a new month, it’s time for an overview of some of the celebrations on July’s plate. For a complete list of July celebrations, click here.

  • Monthly celebrations for July include anti-boredom, culinary arts, watercolors, watermelon, blueberries, hot dogs, and ice cream
  • Weekly toasts include beer pong (1-4), nude recreation (4-10), vodka (10-16), massage (17-23), and women in baseball (24-30)
  • Day celebrations include I forgot day (2nd), kisses (6th), no bra (9th), be a dork (15th), take your poet to work day (20th), tequila (24th), take your houseplant for a walk (27th), milk chocolate (28th), lasagna (29th), and orgasms (31st)

Summer is a good time to take in local events. We’ve enjoyed the summer evening concerts featuring local musicians – therefore hope to continue that throughout the summer.

Even with the Congressional hearing about the insurrection, I believe Donald Trump has a 50% chance of winning the Republican nomination and a 55% chance of returning to the presidency, but Gov. DeSantis may be his nomination foil. Meanwhile, President Biden’s chance of reelection is only 20%.

I know trade policies have an impact, but why do politicians get the blame for companies outsourcing jobs outside the country while seemingly nobody blames CEOs who make the decision?

The US Constitution’s Second Amendment contains 27 words. Whereas most people focus on proclaiming the last 14 words, I believe a national dialogue about the first 13 words is a worthwhile discussion. What was the Framers’ intent? What did it mean then? How does that apply today?

Don’t forget to wish Happy Canada Day to the Canadians. I’m out of here.

Perfectly Frank June ’22

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With one month ending and another starting, Imma asked to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in for some random thoughts. Because the new month starts on a Wednesday (Tuesday), Imma also said I’m not bumping Dale – and no way would I even consider that thought! Marc, thanks for the space.

2022 provided a rainy May for Cincinnati, which has become the fifth rainiest Mays in recorded history.

May was a month featuring continued conflict in Ukraine, a baby formula shortage in the US, a leaked Supreme Court draft ruling, rising gas prices, the second biggest longshot Kentucky Derby winner, photos of the center of the Milky Way (confirming no nougat), a Eurovision winner from Ukraine, too many mass shootings in the US, the one-millionth COVID death in the US, and politicians saying stupid shit.

We remember those who departed us in May 2022: a basketball Hall of Famer, a Napa Valley wine pioneer, a Greek keyboardist-composer-Oscar winner, shooting victims, a Field of Dreams actor, and iPods.

In case you missed it, here are a few May headline gems from The Onion: Man Scared of Committing to Earpods because he’s Afraid to Someday Lose Them; Affection for Restaurant Dialed Back upon Realization It’s a Chain; New Diversity Initiative; Elderly Man Spends Afternoons Feeding Self to Ducks; and Sacrificial Altar Comfier than Expected.

For some crazy reason, this compilation fits for a transition.

June starts tomorrow, so there is new stuff to celebrate. Monthly celebrations for June include smiles, sponges, papaya, surf music, bathroom reading, celibacy awareness, and naked bike riding. Weekly cake and candles include International Clothesline Week (4-11), Duct Tape Days (16-18), and Craft Spirits (19-25). Day celebrations include Oscar the Grouch (1st), Moonshine (5th), YoYo (6th), Ghostbuster’s (8th), Sex (9th), Bourbon (14th), Prunes (15th), Tapas (16th), Garfield the Cat (19th), Gongs (21st), Runner’s Selfie (23rd), and Bike Naked Day (25th). For a complete list of June celebrations, check it out here.

Earlier this spring the Biden Administration created a Disinformation Governance Board (DGB). The DGB is currently on hold for organization or reorganization, but I still have a few thoughts. 1) That’s a waste of time and money. 2) Disinformation is defined by the person occupying the Oval Office. 3) This is an excellent example of trying to protect people from themselves. 4) It doesn’t prevent politicians from talking.

May was a horrible month for mass shootings in America. As one party wants tight controls, the other avoids the issue by offering no solutions to lame excuses. So the beat goes on … but I’m not playing Sonny and Cher. Perhaps this headline from The Onion is a good explanation: No Way to Prevent This’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens.

Baseball season is well underway, so here are two bookends. After two months, Marc’s Yankees have the best record in baseball while my Reds have the worst. I proudly say that my streak continues of not hearing or seeing one pitch.

Because we hope to see Top Gun: Maverick in the theaters, we recently revisited the original movie on Netflix. For those who may want to do the same, today (Tuesday 31st May) is the last day it will be streaming on Netflix.

Thank you, May, for doing what you do. Being it’s the last day of the month, don’t forget to celebrate Necrotizing Fasciitis Awareness Day (Flesh-Eating Bacteria). June starts tomorrow, so you can start the month with Oscar the Grouch Day. At least now you know what’s going on. I’m out of here.

Still Perfectly Frank: 01 May ’22

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With one month ending and another starting, Imma asked to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in for some random thoughts. Thanks to Marc for the space. 

While spring rolled in during April in the northern hemisphere, the southern hemisphere embraced autumn. Meanwhile, April provided the confirmation of a new Supreme Court justice, Russia’s continued assault on Ukraine, the return of Coachella, a new Masters champion, a physical altercation at the Oscars, and another COVID variant on the loose. 

We also remember those who departed us in April 2022: George Costanza’s mother,  the longest-serving Republican senator (retired), the world’s oldest woman (119), a Tony and Emmy award winner, a star country singer, an MLB batting champ, 2 NHL Hall of Famers, an NFL Hall of Famer, and the quarterback known as The Mad Bomber. 

In case you missed it, here are a few April headline gems from The Onion: Airlines announce it is safe to fly indoors again, Mayonnaise label warns product for external use only, Man shopping for cheap sunglasses troubled by reviews calling sunglasses cheap, and K-Y introduces new drowsy nighttime lube. The Onion also provided an infographic of Putin’s inner circle.  

In April I did a beach walk about containers. In her comment, Eileen mentioned a George Carlin segment. I adore his brilliance! 

May is here, so it is time to celebrate. Monthly celebrations include drums, vinegar, barbeque, Mediterranean diet, Sweet Vidalia Onions, and Latino books. Weekly celebrations include craft beer (16-22), foul balls (16-21), root canal appreciation (1-7), and clitoris awareness (1-7). Daily festivities include paranormals (3rd), tubas (6th), Moscato (9th), limericks (12th), belly dancing (14th), taffy (23rd), and brisket (28th). For a complete list of monthly, weekly, and daily celebrations in May, check it out here.

Baseball season has started. For the first time in my personal history, I don’t give a shit. While Reds ownership wants to save money, I’m will one-up them by saving time and money. I proudly say I have not watched or listened to one pitch yet. Meanwhile, the team is on pace to fall short of the number of games won by the 1962 Mets. Now that’s pathetic!

On the football side of life, I’m still amazed how the NFL has turned the annual draft of college players into a marketing event.

I came close in a recent lottery drawing for over $400 million. After getting 18, I was just off my a few numbers: 10 instead of 12, 21 instead of 20, 36 instead of 39, 55 instead of 60, and 7 instead of 10. 

I love the great perspective of scientist Neils Degraff Tyson. When asked how far into space public trips go, he said think of the world globe in the school classroom. The trip goes about the thickness of two dimes.  

There is a movement in the US (at the state level) to ban something from being taught that isn’t taught … and led by the party proclaiming to be about less government in life. I find that interesting. 

French presidential candidate Marine Le Pen receiving over 40% of the vote is another sign that the world is in trouble. 

Ohio has a primary election in early May. Five Republicans are vying for the open senate seat. Interestingly, Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, and the retiring senator endorsed different candidates. We’ve been seeing TV ads since last fall … and thankfully, this round will be over soon. 

Thank you, April … and cheers to starting the month of May. Enjoy the music and Happy Bubba Day! 

Still Perfectly Frank – April ’22 edition

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on

Another month is nearing an end, Imma asked me to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in for some random thoughts. Thanks to Marc for the space.

March provided Ukraine, Putin, a US Supreme Court nominee hearing, continued COVID saga, gas prices, busted March Madness brackets, baseball’s labor agreement, Oscar awards, Grammy nominees, and other stuff. We also remember those who departed us such as a Good Times actor, a Holocaust survivor, a US diplomat, the creator of GIF images, Foo Fighters drummer, a country singer, William Hurt, Traci Braxton, and some guy named Bob somewhere.

For those looking forward to the new month, April is the month to celebrate guitars, celery, humor, pets, poetry, pecans, hope, and straw hats. April also provides week-long celebrations for dance, coins, princesses, and popper scoopers. April also offers an array of one-day celebrations such as ferrets (2nd), lying (4th), beer (7th), tartan (9th), licorice (12th), dolphins & ex-spouses (14th), Amaretto (19th), zippers (28th), and many more. Check it out here.

In case you missed it, here are a few March headline gems from The Onion. Oscar Mayer Introduces new filter-tip hot dogs for a healthier meat-eating experience, Pope Francis using a new treadmill-altar to add more physical activity to the workday, God regrets never learning Spanish, and Texas bans consensual sex.

Hats off to Steve Hartman (CBS News) for his features focusing on good news. I like this edition about empathy and a superhero.

In mid-March, I did this beach walk essay about bloggers. Something interesting happened. The first 12 comments were from bloggers in 9 different countries.

March was the time we returned home after several months as snowbirds. During that time I drafted about 30 new beach walk essays. Then again, all of them have a long way to go before they are ready to post.

I yawned at the news that baseball settled their labor dispute. I’ve been a fan for a long time, but they are wearing me out. Shortly after the settlement, my Reds traded many of their better players to decrease payroll. I sighed as my interest waned even more. I should follow their lead and reallocate my resources elsewhere.

Laura, who occasionally visits Beach Walk Reflections, composes music. I found her latest to be great background music as I write. I invite you to listen by visiting this site – the music will be in the upper left. Besides, I love the title of her musical suite.

Are you a supertaster? If not, do you know anyone who is? Here’s an interesting article about supertasters.

In a dream, I imagine a time when politicians ask good and relevant judicial questions to court nominees. In reality, their questions and statements demonstrate that politicians are the best hypocrites while demonstrating a “party-first” mentality with minimal interest in good judicial questions.

According to the 22nd Amendment, a president cannot hold office for more than two consecutive terms. So, will Donald Trump admit that he lost in 2020? After all, if he won, he can’t run. Thank you, Doonesbury for that one.

At the end of today, we can close the door to March and welcome April. Happy St. Stupid Day … well, tomorrow – April 1st – and that’s not a joke!