Tell Me Your Fantasies And I’ll Tell You Mine

Fantasy league football is God’s way of saying “I got nothing! “.

If you’re not familiar with the game, you should probably stick to Netflix chilling. Don’t get me wrong, the endeavor is kitschy and amusing, but it’s also horribly redundant when you consider we live in a world where questions as to what is real and what is fake already take up way too much of our brain matter. Fantasy football takes reality and squeezes it into an unnatural paste that compromises many a fan’s enjoyment of the sport. Good thing for me I don’t watch much football and possess a half-ass (at best) knowledge of the players. If I was any more blissfully ignorant, I’d be in Congress.

The history of fantasy football dates back to 1962, when a part owner of the Oakland Raiders got together with a few of his pals and a shit ton of alcoholic beverages in a New York City hotel room and came up with a game based on players statistical valuations. That lost weekend has become a $70 billion dollar industry that gives fans yet another reason to love the game, and hate it too. Both.

I’ve partaken of this curious netherworld once before and I acquitted myself rather nicely with a playoff berth. After which I was unceremoniously discarded by an opponent who chose his players based on results rather than by whether or not their names would fit in a Tarantino flick.

The ass kicking was a reminder that some peeps take this shit seriously. They read up on the numbers and watch videos and a lot of them even play in several leagues simultaneously. I refer to these folks as psychos . . . sorry Frank.

There are a million different leagues with a million different rules out there and for the purpose of this blog post I will ignore all of them. My league worships at the altar of the running back position, which runs counter (pun intended) to the actual sport, where running backs are afterthoughts compared to quarterbacks and wide receivers.

My original lineup was plenty good, or so I thought. I had guys like Aaron Rodgers, Keenan Allen, Jaylen Waddle, Najee Harris and Kyle Pitts. It was peach street to my lying eyes, after which the season started and my pie went rancid. Outside of Waddle, who’s been a solid keep, I gave the Luca Brasi treatment to the rest of these dudes. Aaron Rodgers played like Mr. Rogers on hallucinogenic tea. It was easier to spot Bigfoot than Keenan Allen this year thanks to a hamstring malady. Najee Harris played like Franco Harris, which ain’t good considering the latter is 72 years old. Kyle Pitts, as it turns out, is aptly named. I was able to turn those deplorables into some righteous gets; namely Jeff Wilson, Miles Sanders, Isiah Likely and the future Mayor of Chicago, Justin Fields. If I was a real general manager for a real football team, my acquisition of Fields would’ve meant season tickets to the Lyric Opera House, my own booth at Gibson’s and a shared hedgerow with the Obamas. Instead, I’ll have to settle for a winning streak. Whatevs.

After a forgettable start, I fought my way back to 5-5 with a chance to make the playoffs, where anything can happen (Read: Imma get my ass handed to me). That’s another problem with fantasy football. It’s damn near impossible to cheat your way to victory. The best I could do on this count was offer an opponent a bottle of Hennessy if he sat Josh Allen for our tilt. I also engaged in some trash talking with another opponent in a failed attempt to make him forget he had a couple players to switch out on their bye weeks. Alas, my record has nary a “Gate” but mucho mediocrity.

Next year I’m joining a Chess Club.

The Rundown

Swirling lights appear in the night sky above a northern town.

The above snapshot is courtesy of The Atlantic and it shows the northern lights doing their thing across the night sky in Tromso, Norway. It brings to mind the moody sway of that erstwhile astronomer of pen and paper, Jack London. Dig this quote.

With the aurora borealis flaming coldly overhead, or the stars leaping in the frost dance, and the land numb and frozen under its pall of snow, this song of the huskies might have been the defiance of life, only it was pitched in minor key, with long-drawn wailings and half-sobs, and was more the pleading of life, the articulate travail of existence. It was an old song, old as the breed itself–one of the first songs of the younger world in a day when songs were sad.

That right there is a high five to the heavens . . it’s a Vitamin Si Si shot to the soul . . it’s our lips whispering in Gods ear. And its how we jump into Friday . . . .

Since the dogs took over this spot last Friday, Imma start this week’s episode with the story of Koda and the magic pumpkin. This special fella was diagnosed with terminal cancer after a mass was found in his intestines. He lost seven pounds during chemo treatments so mom began feeding him cans of pumpkin squash. Hundreds of cans and one scan later, the mass was gone. The family credits the diet regimen, which Koda now keeps to, because why mess with that kind of success?

McDonald's Launches Promotion for McCrispy Ultimate Gaming Chair - The FPS Review

Okay, we are officially screwed.

McDonalds unveiled its very own gaming chair as part of a contest giveaway in the UK. It comes with grease proof leather, dedicated dip holders, a burger “heat zone” and french fry holsters. And if I devote any more time to this monstrosity, my head will explode.

Officer DuChaine visited 1-month-old Kamiyah in the hospital.

The first Christmas gift of the season was delivered to Kansas City when police officers Richard DuChaine and Charles Owen responded to a call and ended up saving a life. One month old Kamiyah Allen had stopped breathing and the two men were able to resuscitate her using CPR. “The baby was so small, she looked like a doll,” Owen said.

Kamiyah was suffering from RSV, a respiratory illness which has spiked in the US over the last two years with children being the most affected. Thanks to these heroes of the week, she’ll get to celebrate the holidays. So I’m sending her the very best of wishes just a little bit early.

Merry Christmas young lady.

Pennsylvania Senate election results 2022: Did John Fetterman or Mehmet Oz win?

I was wrong about Fetterman. The democratic senatorial candidate from PA outlasted Dr. Oz in one of the most forgettable battles since the Jaguars took on the Jets. And unlike an NFL contest, this one actually matters. 600,000 of those Fetterman votes were placed before that ill conceived debate but that’s not what sealed this deal.

Fetterman dominated his blue plate specials while stealing scraps from the red tables across the state. And it didn’t hurt one bit that he was able to draft Josh Shapiro, who nabbed the Governor’s mansion because his opponent Doug Mastriano proved too extreme even for many Republicans. The PA results mirrored a lot of the country in that the big inroads the GOP had promised for the midterms never came to pass: In spite of the fact history was on their side and inflation is the only robust thing about this economy.

Not for nothing (since nothing is what it’s worth) but Trump backed candidates got what they deserved.

A Christmas Story Christmas' Trailer & Poster: Ralphie Confronts The Holidays As A Dad – Deadline

Ralphie is back!

Fans of the iconic A Christmas Story can celebrate the movie’s 39th anniversary this holiday season by feasting on the long awaited sequel. The cast will include five of the original members, including Peter Billingsley in the lead role. I never saw the original and Imma choose Violent Night as my movie going fare, but it’s still cool to see the excitement associated with fans of the classic Christmas tale.

Kyrie Irving Apologized to LeBron James for Behavior When They Were Teammates | News, Scores, Highlights, Stats, and Rumors | Bleacher Report

Kyrie Irving posted a link to the film Hebrews to Jews: Wake Up Black America, which portrays Jews as Satan’s best friends. When he was called on it, he pretended he was the smartest guy in the room by insisting he couldn’t possibly be an anti-Semite because of his ancestry. What this coddled dope fails to realize is that a family tree doesn’t give you the right to post hateful content. His refusal to apologize was followed by an apology, of course. This guy is a tired act.

Kyrie’s one time running mate, LeBron James, wants us to know he can no longer root for the Dallas Cowboys. Reason being? Owner Jerry Jones won’t let his players take a knee during the national anthem. Okay fine. I think players should be able to kneel if they want to, but I also know that Jones gets to make the rules since it is his team. Just because I do not agree with Jones doesn’t change this fact. But what lands LBJ here is his assertion that he made this decision for moral reasons. In the same breath, he said he will now root on the Cleveland Browns. The same Cleveland Browns who employ Deshaun Watson; who currently has twenty-four women alleging sexual misconduct and assault against him.

You cannot make this stuff up.

Widow Tracks Down Fallen U.S. Soldier's Old Toyota Celica to Surprise Teenage Son

The Cincinnati Kid is back with this Veteran’s Day special that puts everything in perspective. I usually post a music video at the end of my Friday episode, but for today, it’s Steve Hartman and the kids sending us into the weekend. It’s a story that happened back in 2017, but the message is right on time.

Justin Rozier was nine months old when his father Jonathan- an Army 1st Lt.- died in Iraq in 2003. As a boy growing up without a father, there were countless times when he was reminded of the tremendous void in his life. When he was fifteen, he told his mom Jessica what he wanted more than anything; he wanted to find a car his dad once drove. Any car would’ve been fine with him but the way he talked about his late father’s ’99 Toyota Celica convertible made the ride seem like a winning Powerball ticket.

Which is the kind of luck it was going to take for mom to track it down since she sold it after her husband’s death in order to make ends meet. She posted the vehicle information on Facebook in the hopes of getting a bite. Before long, some people in Pleasant Grove Utah became the other end of a magical line when they found the car. Kyle Fox who runs a non-profit called “Follow the Flag” decided to double down. So they bought the car and then got to work on it.

I’m not gonna give everything away, but let’s just say their labor of love was a great big thank you to all the brave men and women who serve as well as the families that keep them strong.

Here’s to our heroes.

Making The Empire Evil Again!

The Shadow of the Yankees' Evil Empire still looms over baseball - Pinstripe Alley

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away . . .

The Yankees used to be despised on a level Darth Vader could only dream of. They were damned on Broadway, vilified on the silver screen and despised by rival teams, fans and writers everywhere. Mike Royko, the legendary columnist for the Chicago Sun Times once opined “Hating the Yankees is as American as apple pie, unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax,”. In 2002, the President of the Boston Red Sox Larry Lucchino made Yankee hating an iconic paradise when he referred to the Yankees as “The Evil Empire”.

Those were the days.

And then the unthinkable happened; the Yankees became just another team. There’s still plenty of hate thrown their way these days, but it’s simply not the same level of intensity. That’s what happens when you win one measly championship in twenty one years . . . and when you lose to your ancient rivals in historic fashion, after which you stop beating them in the postseason altogether . . . and when you don’t fire a manager every six months . . . and worst of all, that’s what happens when a rival club starts hogging hardware whilst being an enmity magnet in its own right.

Tragically, the Bronx Bombers have lost their mofo. So Imma dish up a 10-step plan that will (hopefully) return the Yankees to most hated status.

Hey . . . a boy can dream.

1- Elon Musk buys the Yankees. You gotta admit, you hate them more already. I do too and I’m a fan!

2- The prevailing opinion is that the Yankees will outbid every other team in order to keep Aaron Judge in the Bronx. Problem is, he’s thirty-years old and injury prone and he’s going to cost enough to pull half the cities in this country out of the red. All the zeroes attached to his next contract will be rewarding him for a once in a lifetime season, and that’s not good business. It’s time to thank him for his services and move on. Unless it’s the Red Sox, in which case we’re gonna have to pay him.

3- Of course we can afford the money Judge is gonna demand. That’s the point. By not rewarding the most popular Yankee since Jeter, fan bases across the map are gonna hate us. This will be especially true if he’s beating up on the National League next season. Unless it’s the Mets, in which case we’re gonna have to pay him.

4- In the best case scenario, Judge signs with a club that is at least a time zone removed from the Bronx. If and when this happens, we figure out how to get Shohei Ohtani. Sell the farm, literally, to get him to New York, and then pay him more than you offered Judge. This will engender even more vitriol. Now we’re cooking!

5- Sign FA Carlos Correa. Yankees fans will quickly forgive the former Astros sins since he’s a sensational player. Every other fan will call us Satan Inc. Mmmmmm.

6- While it would be sublimity squared to sign free agent shortstop Trea Turner away from the Dodgers, we already filled that position with Correa. That ain’t gonna work. So . . . we just buy the Dodgers instead. A tidy 4.5 billion will get ‘er done.

7- Since we’re supping for salt mines, we’re going to buy the World Champion Houston Astros while we’re at it. Hey, if you can’t beat ’em, buy ’em!

8- Our unprecedented free agency haul sets us back a cool 6 billion plus, but it has added a couple hundred wins and a world title to the roster. After which we sell off our redundant positions in order to replenish the farm system we sold away earlier.

9- With a payroll approaching one billion Steinbrenners, the Yanks are slated to pay a couple hundred million in luxury tax penalties as per MLB rules. No sweat, since we’ll just use the money we fetch from our real estate investments in Houston and LA to cover things.

10- Charge Twitter users who won’t pledge their allegiance to the Death Star extra.

I realize there’s no guarantee this sinister plan of mine brings the world series trophy back to the Bronx, but all I know is Darth Vader ain’t walking through that door any time soon and welp . . .

It’s my only hope.

 

 

A Wee-Wordy Wednesday

I’m cheating (well, to me I am) as I used the photo below on my own post on Sunday but felt like showing it here with some tweaks.  The “almost” monotone and the “super” saturated.  Preferences?  Please let me know.  As well, the top or featured photo is another taken on my walk.

Joe Pesci Reads Today’s Birthday Horoscope!

Scorpio Zodiac Sign: Horoscope, Compatibility, Careers & More

Yo . . . Scorpio! Ya gonna have a pretty great fucking day, as long as you don’t open ya trap. Because you know what happens when ya start yapping. Somewhere along the line, your brain ain’t communicating with ya mouth and before long, there’s a shit factory happening and you’re producing a surplus! Also, don’t get involved in any property matters today because you’re really not very good at them. Same goes for tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the rest of the year and well . . I hope ya get my fucking point by now.

If ya keep a positive mindset, da sky is da limit. But since it’s damn near impossible for you to do so, keep ya feet on the ground and stay inside all day. But since you don’t get along with common sense . . at all . . if you really wanna face your fears on your special day, go out for Mexican. Invite your in-laws. And oh yeah, do some tequila shots before they get there. Oh shit, nevah mind! I forgot! You did that last night!

At work you might be challenged, but you can use your expertise to problem solve the shit out of any obstacles that come your way. And if that doesn’t work, you can always sleep with da boss. And if that doesn’t work, collecting unemployment for a couple months ain’t the worst thing that could happen. My Uncle Tony did that after he lost his job breaking the kneecaps of degenerate gamblers. Actually, he lost his job because they wasn’t degenerate gamblers, they was late in returning their videos to Blockbuster.

Remember that you only live once. Oh no, that’s not right. You only die once.

 

A Million Miles Away And Closing Fast

Welcome to Iowa state road sign Stock Photo by ©alexlmx 101851732

There are some days when I feel like the world really is the matrix; an elaborate and complicated labyrinth of shushing doors and dimly lit hallways that lead to a master lab where a billionaire God runs things with a CPU that processes quintillions of operations in the flap of a hummingbird’s wings.

Okay, there are many days when I feel this way.

I’m not saying we’re artificially generated beings with a predestined flight pattern that takes us from conception to calamari with nary a wiggle’s worth of holy shitake with which to rewrite the final score. Nah, that’s too orthodox for the trip we’re keeping to. The fact that we hurt and we ache and we bleed means we’re more like organic compositions with enough roust for the joust.

Truth be told, the mysteries of creation are as infinite as Nick Saban’s recruiting list. I grew up believing the world had been fetched from a fledgling filament that filibustered its way out of a galactic dark room. Some of the most brilliant students of the cosmos, and Albert Einstein, have disagreed with this theory. Their argument, put simply, is that you ain’t getting something out of nothing.

That’s where my matrix idea comes in. It exists in plain sight because we’re so busy contemplating how we got here that we never considered why. Thousands of years ago, the search for that first dusty footprint involved serious old men sitting around smoking their brains trying to figure out who rolled this joint into being. Hundreds of years ago, that search resulted in the invention of the telescope which allowed for a nuanced interrogation of the stars. Last year, on Christmas Day no less, the James Webb space telescope was launched. And as captivating as the images it captured were, when it comes to the biggest question of all, humankind is still . . wait for it . . in the dark.

I happen to believe we were highjacked by a more advanced species at some point in our distant or not so distant past. This holistic takeover was undertaken in the name of what else? Science! These superior beings, we’ll call them Martians for lack of a less dramatic name, rolled us across this plush swatch of green like a hot pair of dice at a high stakes table. Which makes us a templated test kit that grew out of its britches with a reckless ferocity, much to the delight . . . or dismay, of our silent masters. I guess they’ll sic one of those asteroids on our asses if it’s the latter. I don’t know and you don’t know and neither do those white lab coats, in spite of their caviar budgets and champagne trips to the outer limits.

But when I question things, it’s not God I’m sitting across from. It’s the million little tells we overlook because we’re so busy trying to crack the cosmic case, the same way Agent Kujan swung right through the hanging fastballs Verbal Kint was serving up in The Usual Suspects. 

A top five list of things that make me go What’s up with That? . . . Okie.

1- Glitching- As defined, this means an unusual occurrence that cannot be logically explained. In the last decade alone, we’ve experienced President Trump, a perennial title contender in Beantown and the image of an ordinary egg that earned the most Instagram likes . . ever.

2-Mirror Images- We get caught up in the idea of doppelgangers while the experts claim the odds of a perfect facial match are one in eight trillion.  But that doesn’t explain how Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley could stand in for each other in the same Broadway production (they haven’t . . I don’t think) and get away with it. My point being, exact replicas are scant but reasonable facsimiles are everywhere. Which is exactly as it would be if we have carbon copies in the cosmos.

3-The Mandela Effect- The dude didn’t die in prison, but many would wager money that he did (I haven’t wagered any dough on this . . . I don’t think). Just as many people grew up reading the Berenstain Bears while many other people grew up reading the Berenstein Bears. Hmmmm.

4- Universal Laws- Says who? Our scientists or some other planet’s game makers? Or is it both?

5- The LA Lakers Magic Johnson vs the Boston Celtics Larry Bird had to have come from a simulation. It was just too fucking perfect.

All I really know for absolute-ish certainty is that we are blood and guts because the Rambo movies told me so. I also know we are incredibly fragile, vulnerable creatures because Hallmark is still in business. And I know we’ve got a soul because opera makes us cry. The rest is going to remain a mystery to me until the lights go out. After which I’ll wake up in a biodome on some space outpost with a huge sign welcoming me to Iowa and rewarding me for my involvement in the Earth project with a million years worth of steak, bourbon and smokes.

I’ll chill with the questions.

 

 

 

 

The Rundown

A small dog wears a costume during a parade.

I conducted a science experiment the other day and the results were uglier than a Kanye West bank statement. My test involved scrolling through my browser history to check out how many of the stories I was culling for today’s episode landed on the minus side of the ledger. I found eleven stories and all of them were sunshine bandits, so I trashed them. But the thought remained steadfast.

The struggle for good news is real.

It’s why humankind should appreciate cats and dogs more. They don’t ask for much and they give back everything. If they wanted to charge for their services, the price would be steep, and a bargain at that. Which is why I chose that handsome little fella above for the marquee. He was taking part in the Halloween Dog Parade in Tompkins Square Park, NYC. In a world full of dirty rotten tricks, there are treats to be found if we look hard enough.

Let’s stroll the grounds . . .

I’ve had it up to here (I’m holding my hand over my full pint glass) with these car companies and their electric boogaloo mission statements. But this story mellowed that harsh temporarily and for good reason.

The peeps at Honda have designed an electric vehicle for the kids at Children’s Health in Orange County, California. The ride you’re checking out is called Shogo and it was made with the express intent of bringing smiles for miles whilst delivering the kids to their treatments. It leaves gurneys, wheelchairs and those hospital blues in the dust, and that’s the point.

“To see the joy on the faces of these young patients when they get behind the wheel of Shogo is truly rewarding,” said Hundy Liu, manager of national advertising at American Honda Motor Co.

That’s a full tank right there.

As the inimitable Dan Lafontaine would’ve said, in a world where any and every good movie and television series is imitated and duplicated into meatloaf, leave it to the Rocky franchise to punch its way out of the cookie cutter conspiracy. Because from the moment they cast Michael B. Jordan as the protagonist for the Creed universe, I scored this refresh knockout win.

The initial installment proved me right while the sequel might’ve lost something on points. But the trailer for Creed III tells me we are back in business and badder than ever. And this fan cannot wait.

Miss Argentina and Miss Puerto Rico got married! Meet LGBT beauty queens Mariana Varela and Fabiola Valentín who just tied the knot in a private wedding after a two-year secret romance |

Mariana Varela and Fabiola Valentin are more than just a couple of pretty faces. They’re also married, having tied the knot recently to the surprise and delight of fans and guys with too much time on their hands everywhere. The former Miss Argentina, Varela met Valentin, the former Miss Puerto Rico at the Miss Grand International competition in Thailand in 2020 and from there, love punched their dance card.

On a stage full of Misses, these two are a hit.

Astros pitcher Cristian Javier's dad saw him pitch for first time | khou.com

If you’d have put the twelve MLB teams that made the 2022 postseason in a casual fan wish list of must see World Series clubs, the Houston Astros would’ve battled the Tampa Rays for last with the Phillies not too far behind them. And yet, these two have provided a compelling Fall Classic to this point- what with the Phillies coming back from a 5-0 deficit in the opener to win it, to their home run derby performance in Game 3. The Astros moved to the brink of a title last night with Justin Verlander winning his first ever World Series game, and I had no idea this HOF dude was even on such a schneid!  And I’d be remiss and totally recalcitrant if I didn’t mention how Cristian Javier made like Nolan Ryan with his six no hit innings on Wednesday night. The Houston bullpen kept the home team hitless the rest of the way, delivering the first no-hit game in a World Series since Don Larson’s perfecto for the Yankees all the way back in 1956. I didn’t see that one since I hadn’t been born yet and I didn’t see last night’s game either since I was sleeping.

It still counts.

John Ramer (@johnramerphoto) / Twitter

My Hero of the Week! for this first episode of November is John Ramer, the executive director of Kindness Ranch. This guy was one of the integral point guards for the largest animal rescue effort ever recorded last month. Thanks to the tireless efforts of hundreds of agencies and thousands of people, more than 4,000 beagles were freed from their not so happy home.

Envigo is a testing facility in Virginia whose business was breeding dogs for testing. With all the low down dirty business of a news cycle we have coming at us on the regular, here was a story that found new lows: Dogs bred for big business pharmaceuticals, raised in awful conditions and treated like commodities whose only value was the bottom line.

Animal rights advocates and legislators and the Department of Agriculture and PETA and the DOJ and the Humane Society and so many countless others put an end to all that. And now all those thousands of beagles do not end up at a lab somewhere else. And now they get to run on real grass and sit in the sunshine and walk in the park and eat real food and yeah, maybe even steal some. But that’s okay because they’re going to get hugged. Lots.

And all those stories, forgettable and worse, don’t matter nearly as much as the stories that are gonna be told from every corner of the map. In forever homes that beat back at the struggle for better news by finding their very own.

Every dog gets its day.

 

 

Perfectly Frank: November ’22

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

With one month ending and another starting, Imma asked me to take a break from Beach Walk Reflections and pitch in for some random thoughts. Thanks to Marc for the space.

November 1st is the day after a US lottery of $1 billion, so you are probably hearing the news of one person in Ohio winning the big prize.

I just returned from 17 days in France. A tough task, but I met the challenge. It was great being away from the news and the flood of political ads in my area, so I don’t know much about what happened but I’m confident that politicians said some stupid shit.

A bit of research served as a reminder about Russia-Ukraine, Iranian civil unrest, a new home run record by one of Marc’s heroes, a crazy killing spree in Thailand, a court telling an American conspiracist to pay $1 billion in damages, Liz Truss losing to a head of lettuce, a crowd crush in Seoul, females becoming the majority in New Zealand’s parliament, and Massachusetts naming on official state dinosaur.

October deaths included a country music legend, the designer of the first mask-cage hockey goalie mask, a Golden Globe-Tony winner actress who starred on TV, MLB HOF inductee, an R&R pioneer and legend of Great Balls of Fire, and people dying from gun violence, natural disasters, and war.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

In case you missed it, here are a few October headline gems from The Onion:

  • School budget committee decides to eliminate 4th-grade entirely
  • Scientists find dolphins only other mammal that jet ski for pleasure
  • Man can’t remember what he ran into burning building for
  • Prison warden sadistic but fair
  • Sanitation worker digs around truck for source of weird smell
  • Man suspecting opponent with all queens hustling him
  • Weird bug eaten by weirder bug

Try the Combo Challenge. By using only the words in the above headlines, create your headline, then share it in your comment. My combo appears later in this post.

Wondering: Is incompetence growing?

Did you know normal bone marrow produces 10,000,000,000 red blood cells and 150,000,000 white blood cells every hour?

Our 17-days in France included Paris & Dijon on our own, cruising down the Saone and Rhone rivers tasting wine, and Nice on our own. There were many highlights, but the Carrières des Lumières in Les Baux-de-Provence delivered the biggest surprise. It’s a large cave left from a limestone stone quarry that has been transformed into a magnificent walk-around theater for digital displays on its large walls. We saw Venice (a short clip if interested), but the clip below is from an older show about Gaudi. FYI: For those who have seen the traveling immersions about Van Gogh, Monet, or others, as good as those shows are, they cannot compare to the cave experience!

Because today starts a new month, it’s time for an overview of some of the celebrations on October’s plate. For a complete list of November celebrations, click here.

Monthly celebrations for November include picture books, banana pudding, family stories, pomegranates, memoir writing, sweet potatoes, and vegans.

November is also a month to increase your awareness about diabetes, epilepsy, family adoption, bone marrow, and gluten-free diets.

Weekly toasts in November include figs (1-7), Dear Santa letters (7-13), split pea soup (12-18), and better conversations (20-27).

Day celebrations in November include hockey masks (1), Cookie Monster’s birthday (2), pumpkin destruction (4), origami (11), Roc Your Mocs (15), homemade bread (17), Rocky & Bullwinkle (19), and Slinkies (27). Click here for a complete list.

For anyone wondering, I hope to return to posting my beach walk essays this weekend.

My Combo: Sadistic dolphins eliminate school sanitation worker hustling burning man

Because we were in the land of Van Gogh, I close this edition with a musical tribute to him accompanied by a similar illumination show in Paris. Have a good November everyone. I’m out of here, Happy Calzone Day!

Joe and Marco at the Movies!

Back in the day, I was relatively familiar with film critics because there used to be a symmetry to their presence. Gene Shalit was a fixture of morning shows while Leonard Maltin appeared on Entertainment Tonight. Siskel and Ebert would work it on their weekend show with Richard Roeper playing the versatile utility man. And I would be remiss if I didn’t include Rex Reed and Peter Travers, who plied their craft with bark and bite.

And then the medium went democratic and the finery of flapping gums was replaced with websites and blogs and podcasts bucking the big box office behemoth known as Rotten Tomatoes. It’s gotten to where you can’t tell the players even with a scorecard, so me and my pal Joe have decided to pair up for a top five list ‘o the week.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Where To Watch 'Barbarian' 2022 (Free) Online Streaming at Home Here's How - TechBullion

Marco: We’ll start with a movie that I absolutely loved called Barbarian by director Zach Cregger. It’s a brilliantly directed horror story that deftly weaves together the lost American dream with the #MeToo movement while making Airbnb users think twice before going in those waters.

Joe: I don’t know how in the fuck you got all dat outta dis!

Marco: Oh come on Joe! The cast was dynamic, and I loved Richard Brake in such an understated departure from his usual maniacal self. And the way Cregger played the scenes against each other was pure genius!

Joe: All I kept asking myself is, who da fuck rents an Airbnb in Detroit?!

Marco: Okay Joe, you take the next flick.

Joe: If it gets you to shut da fuck up for five seconds . . gladly.

Blackout - Official Trailer - YouTube

I wanted to love this one since it’s about a guy who forgets that he’s married and gets away with it! I mean, I done this trick many times and it always ended in divorce court so yanno, I thought maybe I would learn something. What I learned was that I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching this bag of dicks run from Mexican gangsters with bad hair . . . Oh, I’m sorry, Mexican businessmen with guns. Josh Duhamel is da main character and I remember seeing him a while back in a romantic comedy I accidentally watched eight times. He was much better in that, because Liam Neeson he ain’t. Nick Nolte plays his boss in this one, which is unfuckingbelievable since I think he died ten years ago.

Your turn Marco.

The Good Nurse (2022) - IMDb

Another favorite of mine is The Good Nurse starring the Academy Award winning actress Jessica Chastain. It’s based on the true story of serial killer Charles Cullen, whose arrest in 2003 uncovered the insidiously dark side of our healthcare system. Chastain breaks open her Hall of Fame toolbox as Amy Loughren, the nurse who helped authorities bring Cullen to justice. Eddie Redmayne is a maestro in his turn as the antagonist whose seething rage keeps us on the edge of our seats. The deliberate pace of the movie mirrors the painstakingly slow wheels of justice.

Samaritan': 'Overlord' Director's Dark Superhero Movie Starring Sylvester Stallone Arrives in August - Bloody Disgusting

Fuck slow wheels, I want action! Which is what I thought I was gonna get with Samaritan, a movie that stars my old neighbor Sly Stallone. Get this, the old man plays a superhero who retired from that gig so he could be a garbage man. I think da guy who came up with this idea musta been related to Mrs. Stallone. Of course there’s this pain in the ass neighbor kid, because there’s always a pain in the ass neighbor kid in these movies, and he’s da one who figures out his garbage man has superhuman strength. Sly is seventy six years old for fuck sake. His only superpowers at this point involve staying up past nine and being regular. This movie is more ridiculous than my Uncle Sal’s idea to put wine in juice boxes.

Halloween Ends | Universal Pictures

Joe: No fucking way.

Marco: Nope.