The Vera Farmiga Invitational

It’s been a while.

Vera called me up the other night to let me know she wasn’t digging the while it’s been. Then she let me know, in no uncertain terms, that I best deliver up a bevvy of babes for the cause. And yeah she’s right, it has been a hot minute since I last put pretty to paper, so I told her not to conjure up any spells on my ass and that I’d get to work immediamente. And then I woke up. And even though it was only just a dream, I was duly inspired to turn up the heat.

The above snapshot was taken before the premiere of The Many Saints of Newark, and it’s the only worthwhile thing to come out of that flick. So thank you to Vera for the wake up call, and thank you to all the lovelies taking the stage today.

Kelly Reilly- She’s redefined the definition of badass with her turn as Beth Dutton on the show Yellowstone. Her character is the kind of gal who will take you on the ride of your life, after which you’ve got a fifty-fifty chance of waking up in the morning. And believe you me, you’d be crazy not to take the chance. All that, and she’s a Brit to boot. So when she talks about her character on the show, it’s like you have inherited Buckingham Palace . . . and you get to hang from the chandeliers on her every word. If you want the all-inclusive trip to Hot Town, she’s got you covered.

Millie Brady- More UK hawt, I mean haute. Okay I mean a lot of both. She plays the fiery hot lady warrior of Mercia in the show The Last Kingdom, but I simply refer to her as Queen Hottie. One, because her character’s name- Aethelflaed- does not do her justice. And two, the title Queen Hottie does.

A former model, she’s only been on the acting scene for eight years but she’s made a name for herself whilst playing strong female characters. For Kingdom, she practiced her own stunts and even kicked it with some martial arts training for the fighting scenes.

God Save The Queen!

Zoe Kravitz- I am pretty certain that on the day that she was born, the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true. I understand that Karen Carpenter said it first, and who knows? Maybe KC had a premonition about this tasty talent who scores a trifecta of sound and stage. She’s a musician, a model and an actress, and really, the girl is anything she damn well wants to be. She’s the latest kitten to don the iconic leather suit in The Batman, and word is her turn as the Catwoman is getting purrfect scores. As if we had any doubt.

When she sets her gaze upon you, it’s lights out, or . . at least you wish it was.

Niamh Algar- The Dude referred to her as “the smoke show” in one of his comments to me, and for very good reason. This creamy Irish gal possesses the ability to own any hairstyle she pleases, and not for nothing, but she has the deed on just about all of them at this point in her acting career. And that’s just the bonus round, seeing as how she will come hither your senses with acting chops that won’t quit until you’re begging for mercy.

But really, it hurts so good.

Evangeline Lilly- This Canadian import is the girl next door, on steroids. Lilly is a hot butter disco song whose religion speaks to the drumbeat of a man’s heart in the prettiest of pleases. It’s hard to believe she’s been setting fire to the silver screen for almost two decades now, which just goes to show that times flies when you’re spinning this kind of honey. Ironically, her acting career took off when she scored a role in the acclaimed television show Lost. From those not so humble beginnings, she has been found . . . and how.

Oh Canada!

The Sarah Michelle Gellar Invitational

I know, right?

Welp, if you’ve ever had the pleasure of reading a What’s Hot Invitational, then you are familiar with Vera Farmiga as being the linch pin to this sexy ride. And while Vera ain’t lost an ounce of her felonious appeal, I decided to break out another tasty spice. This is like when Billy Crystal decided to take a break from the Oscars. Only, this is sexy.

Besides, Vera has a lot going on these days so she wouldn’t be able to drop by to comment (yet again!) anyways. She’s got a new movie in theaters with two more coming up next year. And she’s happily married, and a devout Catholic girl. So yeah . . I hopped on another bus. And Imma blame Paul Simon for that shit.

Sarah Michelle happens to be happily married as well. But she ain’t devout. And that matters something wisely to my way of getting down. I’m not doing too much research on SMG, because really . . why should she be different from any other female I’ve ever gone juicy fruit for? Other than this . . . if you haven’t seen Veronika Decides to Die, you should check it out. The soundtrack is slightly annoying, but her performance has chops. Deliciously so.

Laura Rutledge- ESPN host on Get Up and pastry pinup pretty lady, this gal has game. She’s the one (only) solid reason to tune in to the show. At least, I think she’s a regular on the show. Anyways, whenever and wherever I surf her onto my screen, she gives me a reason to stay tuned.

Jessica Lucas- Bad girls rule. And Jessica played a bad girl with a good heart, which is really unfair, but Imma accept it. If you’re not caught up on Gotham, then you might want to stop reading what I have to say about Lucas, right now. Because her leaving the show . . and the way she left the show . . it left me verklempt.

Grace Gummer- She plays an FBI agent who couldn’t give a fig for glitz or glam on the show Mr. Robot. She’s a hard boiled beauty with wild Irish locks and a razor sharp sense of humor. Do we need more evidence in order to detain her? Because I am plenty fine with that.

Jennifer Garner- This woman has played every kind of character- from a deadly assassin in Daredevil to a dream girl crush in 13 Going On 30 and she has served it up like a Boss Woman. To refurbish a line from Karen Carpenter, on the day that Garner was born, the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true soccer mom with the kind of acting range that would impress NASA. And the fact that she divorced the Boston Red Sox guy makes her that much more beautiful in my eyes.

Minka Kelly- The girl possesses an exquisite versatility in that she can hone in on a variety of moods depending on the hairstyle. From wearing it up to going all frizzy to straight to permanent press to Holy Jesus! And no matter what she dials up, she’s gonna tempura anyone with a Y chromosome. Hells, she’s gonna do the same for the double XX crowd now that I think about it.

Adria Arjona- Those eyes. I mean . . they follow me everywhere. After which I fantasize about how they’re beaming me up into her space crib as old Blue Eyes sings us into Jupiter and Mars. There’s no doubting those heels are a Carrie Bradshaw Grand Slam, but you have to check our her creamy schoolmistress getup in Good Omens. It’s a show about heaven and hell, to which she fits perfectly.

Alex Morgan- God Bless America. This sexy forward for the Orlando Pride and the co-captain of the US women’s national team is a two time Olympic gold medal winner and after Sunday’s win over the Netherlands, a two time World Cup winner as well. But that’s not even the most impressive thing about her, nope. Ya see . . the girl has Americans digging on tea now. Goooooaaaaaallllll!!!!

Welp, that’ll do it for this make over invitational. I’d like to thank the Buffy as ever Sarah Michelle for her sultry work as my emcee hammer. And a big gracias to all the ladies who participated in this historic edition.

Vera would be proud.