Play It Again Spam (Case File #4,256)

Beneficiary Sir:

I am Mr. Richard Wahl, the mega winner of $533 Million USD in Mega Millions Jackpot, I’m donating to 5 random individuals if you get this email then your email was selected after a spin ball. I have spread most of my wealth over a number of charities and organizations. I have voluntarily decided to donate the sum of $2 Million USD to you as one of the selected 5, to verify my winnings please see my YouTube website page.

Richard Sir:

My man! This windfall could not have come at a better time as I am going away next month, and two million dollars should about cover my expenses. Of course, me being me, I’ve got a thousand questions regarding this gift of yours. A top five cut to the chase? Sure, why not . . .

• You didn’t give to any of those dopes on Fox and Friends, did you? Because if so, I would have to respectfully decline your offer. The idea of having anything in common with peeps who are regular visitors to the Jungle Room in Mar-a-Lago is akin to being booked on Dante’s 9th Circle cruise.
• This is a cash in a suitcase deal right? We really don’t need to be getting anyone else involved, if you ask me. Having done the math, if word of my cash cow got out, I would be milked dry before the end of the year. Your gift would become my bill.
• On second thought, would it be possible to be paid in Cierto Tequila Reserve Collection Extra Anejo, Cohiba Esplendido cigars and Royal Kona coffee instead?
• You wouldn’t happen to be related to the Wahl family out of Illinois, producers of top quality American made clippers? If so, could you throw in the all new Lawn Mower 4.0 Waterproof Electric Trimmer?
• Is it a deal breaker if I don’t click on your YouTube link? Because the last time I fell for something like that, I was subjected to Fred Flinstone and Betty Rubble doing something called the “Stone Age Slingshot”. Lemme tell you, that is something you can never, ever unsee . . .

If the answer to my top five questions is answered in a manner that is agreeable with my eccentrically prohibitive senses, then we have ourselves a deal. Please do not think me ungrateful, but in today’s world, due diligence is a boy’s best friend. And since I don’t get an offer like this every day (It’s more like . . once a week), I find it necessary to safeguard my sweet ass in the event you are not who you say you are.

Until we chat again, be well and don’t go chasing waterfalls.

Best,

Inigo Montoya